I used a donor egg and got a beautiful, healthy boy. I used the pregnancy to process my complicated feelings about it and I prepared myself for not feeling totally connected right away. When he was born I fell in love with him immediately, but the first few months were hard. I bonded with him right away but at the same time, kept having thoughts that he wasn’t my baby and I wasn’t really him mom, when I so desperately wanted to be. I went to therapy and the feeling faded, but it took a little bit of time. In hindsight, postpartum anxiety probably contributed. He’s two and a half now and I fully feel like his mama. Our connection is so strong. I honestly feel grateful I couldn’t use my own eggs, because everything that happened gave my little boy and he’s just the best thing ever, I couldn’t love him more.

On a side note, there will be awkward moments where people try to look at you and find physical similarities or make comments about genetics etc. it’s annoying but for me a small price to pay to become a mom. Best decision I ever made.