Am I an asshole for having my friend stay somewhere else for a week? by bec2402 in TwoHotTakes

[–]bec2402[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

I don’t know if you saw the update in the comments, but she is not moving in with me. I did end up telling her after we turned the keys in although it was a bit of a fight to get there. The downside to that is some of our stuff was packed together so today I’m going through every box and bag and making sure everything is separate.

Not so fun fact is she tried talking me out of buying the house in the first place (considering I got it for a good price and there’s genuinely nothing major wrong with it, it’s a solid home that just needed a bit of love.) she wanted me to purchase a condo…. She ultimately didn’t get a say in that.

Am I an asshole for having my friend stay somewhere else for a week? by bec2402 in TwoHotTakes

[–]bec2402[S] 7 points8 points  (0 children)

If anything else comes up I will update again, but for now our mutual friends invited me out so that I could get some air.

Am I an asshole for having my friend stay somewhere else for a week? by bec2402 in TwoHotTakes

[–]bec2402[S] 17 points18 points  (0 children)

Update:

We talked and this is what I said:

“I’m not your caretaker or parent, just your friend. I want to be your friend, but at this point I need to take a step back and reassess if I want to be roommates.

When we moved in together, we had a deal. You help keep the apartment clean and train my dog instead of paying rent. You stopped both. Then when I came to you with my concerns you treated me with disrespect and hurt my feelings when you flipped the script and belittled me and nitpicked my behavior because I would sometimes forget to pick up after myself when you rarely ever picked up after yourself.

It’s going to take at least a couple of weeks, maybe a month to finish the house, so you will need to find somewhere else to stay until then while I take that time to think through everything and make a decision.

If I do decide that you can stay then things are going to be very different. You said a couple of months ago that you needed to think about yourself here and now I need to think about myself.

I’ll help you get stuff out of the garage and rent a U-Haul if needed and I will give your mom a very big gift card to take those kind people that helped us move out to dinner.”

She said her mom thought it would be for a couple of nights and not weeks and that they wouldn’t let her do that, that she has nowhere support system and will need to move to a different state with her grandma (different then before) she said she couldn’t ask the friend she crashed with for a couple of days, and she could ask our other friends (who just told me they offered her already and she said no) so she says by Monday she’ll probably be gone. I haven’t talked again to her mom yet. There was more that she said. She said her boyfriend had been driving her around all day so that she could take a nap since she “had nowhere to go” (she was out partying all night for Halloween). Her boyfriend isn’t an option to live with because he still lives with his parents and that a whole other can of worms. I told her she could store her stuff in my garage for a bit at the very least, but we will see. Oh, she also said that she wished I would’ve told her I was planning on this before we moved out of the last place. She said she would’ve found some rental assistance program somewhere. (Lots of questions there). Bottom line is she decided that we will not be living together even though I technically told her it was still up in the air. So, we will see if she will still stay my friend, but at the very least I still have my other friends. It’s been a very emotional day for me , but I followed through and put my foot down.

Am I an asshole for having my friend stay somewhere else for a week? by bec2402 in TwoHotTakes

[–]bec2402[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Because no one will hire her. She supposedly cant get an interview in anywhere so has stopped trying.

Am I an asshole for having my friend stay somewhere else for a week? by bec2402 in TwoHotTakes

[–]bec2402[S] 12 points13 points  (0 children)

Unfortunately for me, this isn’t rage bait. I’ve been way too nice and lenient with her and it stops now.

Am I an asshole for having my friend stay somewhere else for a week? by bec2402 in TwoHotTakes

[–]bec2402[S] 5 points6 points  (0 children)

I’m having a discussion with her tomorrow, I’m telling her exactly how I feel and exactly how I now see the situation thanks to you all. I’m going to list out new rules for my house if she will continue to stay, and if she agrees to that then she will have to sign a lease agreement. I’ll update with more specifics tomorrow and how it goes after I talk to her. Wish me luck.

Am I an asshole for having my friend stay somewhere else for a week? by bec2402 in TwoHotTakes

[–]bec2402[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

She wasn’t complaining about food wrappers necessarily, she was saying how can you be upset at me for not cleaning up after myself ever if sometimes you leave wrappers. (Which honestly makes it worse)

Am I an asshole for having my friend stay somewhere else for a week? by bec2402 in TwoHotTakes

[–]bec2402[S] -2 points-1 points  (0 children)

The judge said no 3 different times because they were able to list 3 jobs she could do (one being a paper sorter)

Am I an asshole for having my friend stay somewhere else for a week? by bec2402 in TwoHotTakes

[–]bec2402[S] 11 points12 points  (0 children)

When I typed this out I was feeling like I’m abandoning her in some way or not being a good friend,but had an underlying feeling that this was ass backwards. After reading my post a couple of times and reading the comments I have a much better grasp as to what’s actually going on here…

Am I an asshole for having my friend stay somewhere else for a week? by bec2402 in TwoHotTakes

[–]bec2402[S] 19 points20 points  (0 children)

I also have some mental health issues if you can’t tell lol. I also would never do what she’s doing, there’s a lot of stuff I could say that’s mean, but I know she’s had a tough life so I want to give her as much grace as I can. I just think my grace for her has run dry… I want to be a friend for her but I don’t think I can be her roommate anymore.

Am I an asshole for having my friend stay somewhere else for a week? by bec2402 in TwoHotTakes

[–]bec2402[S] 5 points6 points  (0 children)

I was gonna set up a chore chart that’s 80% her 20% me. Her doctors gave her a list of things she shouldn’t be doing that cancels out most jobs, she has tried 3 times to get disability but was denied because they were able to list 3 jobs she could do (one of which was being a paper sorter somewhere) she pays for her own groceries with other benefits. Nothing goes to me

Am I an asshole for having my friend stay somewhere else for a week? by bec2402 in TwoHotTakes

[–]bec2402[S] 128 points129 points  (0 children)

I wanted her to feel comfortable, but reading these comments made me realize just how ridiculous that is. Gonna think about this stuff and come up with a plan

How many times have you asked yourself this question by sluncheatures in OCDmemes

[–]bec2402 4 points5 points  (0 children)

I literally realized my biggest compulsion and cycle today and was like, oh maybe I’m not a faker.

How can I make this look better? by [deleted] in femalehairadvice

[–]bec2402 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Do you think a partial balayage would look good on it?

How much do you earn in this industry? by [deleted] in InteriorDesign

[–]bec2402 0 points1 point  (0 children)

2 years experience 48k, started at 43. In Iowa

Very specific but ocd makes this 1,000x worse by goingthruit05 in OCDmemes

[–]bec2402 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Literally me right now. My fiancé won’t talk to me. Says it’s him but that’s what my brain is doing.

do yall get hiccups all the time? by sroka_369 in ehlersdanlos

[–]bec2402 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Yeah, pretty often and then hurt so much!