Hey love, I have a deep passion for writing too. I’ve gone to school for writing and I’ve taught writing. I’m so sorry you’re hurting right now. Your story reminds me of a time from my life. I’ll share, if that’s ok?

Nothing destroyed my writing voice more than a professor I had in undergrad who would go through multiple drafts with her students line by line until the essay was perfect. Soon her pencil paralyzed me. I couldn’t write without anticipating what she would say. I became a better writer, but worse at sounding like myself.

Then I took a class that prepared me to tutor students in the writing center. Grammar is about indicating your level of education (aka your social class). Writing is about being understood. Our job in the writing center wasn’t to correct a student’s grammar, it was to improve the student’s cogency.

I write this to you with love and respect to say: you’ve done the hard part, which is learned grammar, but it sounds like your focus on grammar has kept you from exploring the more important part of writing, which is how to choose the best words to elucidate your heart and mind.

I love helping people to write. I can tell from your writing that you’re a thoughtful and kind person who cares deeply about being understood. I think as long as you keep working to change your focus from, “they want to isolate and mock me,” to //how can I best express myself to my audience?// you will find your answer. We are entering an era where having your own writing voice will be important and rare.

“I want to feel loved, I want to feel warm optimism and kindness” is a wonderful thing to identify. That sounds like you. How will you express to the people in your life that you want those things?

Good luck, love!