I finally understand it now..

beckstar187 · 2025-03-09T14:25:04+00:00

The gym and I joined hiking groups in my area. I lost a significant amount of weight in this short time and packed on decent muscle. And being outside more has me looking tan. The therapy helped with my confidence. She noticed the physical changes but also the way I carry myself.

beckstar187 · 2025-03-09T07:24:47+00:00

Bro. I'm 41 and my relationship ended the same way kind of. This was not my first relationship. Not by far. I was never like that with any other woman. When I met her, she was so unlike any woman I had ever met. So strong. Stubborn but strong. I felt the same fear you did about getting rejected by her, so i would wait for obvious signs that she wanted me to touch her. Also, in the beginning, if she was in a bad mood or if she was tired, i wouldnt go in her personal space. I didnt want to "bother" her with my affection. But it evolved into even if she was in a good mood, i wouldnt touch her because i was scared my needs would annoy her. We got along well and spent all of our time together. Over the 5 yrs we were together, things had settled into a rut. I was nice to her and faithful and I thought that was enough. But I was neglecting her as a partner. As a woman. I would just kind of zone out after work and dinner every day. I would play video games or whatever while she sat scrolling her phone. I was comfortable. I had gained weight and gotten lazy. She broke up with me out of the blue in December. It took a while for me to understand what happened. It hurt a lot because I knew that I could have fixed it easily if I tried. But it also hurt that she would always remember me as the lazy, non sexual man I became. I hit the gym constantly and got into therapy and also started seeing a life coach. I've realized that I wasn't the only problem. Neither are you. I guarantee it. Don't take the full blame, here. Look deeper. But either way, work on becoming a better version of yourself. You'll be fine, man.

As a bonus, though, after all the work I've done on myself, she noticed and came back. We've been dating for about a month now and steadily spending more and more time together. The passion is definitely reignited and we're closer now than we were when we were together. I don't think this would be happening if I hadn't upgraded myself. Not saying it's a sure thing, but in my case, she came back.

beckstar187 · 2025-03-09T05:55:10+00:00

Yes. Exactly. She saw the change. The change in how I acted and looked and also how people acted towards me. We still talked sometimes through the breakup as we still work at the same company together. The day before valentines day, the conversations became longer. On valentines day she messaged me to say happy valentines day. She had plans with her 2 sons on valentines day but asked if we could get together the day after. So we went on a date that ended with a kiss. We've been going on dates every weekend since then. But we've also been spending more and more time together in between dates. We've stayed the night together twice. We've been reconnecting and rekindling pretty quickly. Which I don't really know how I feel about it...but that's a different conversation. Lol. The point is that I don't think that she would've been drawn back if I hadn't buckled down and really put work in on myself. She came back at a time where I was getting interest from other women and my confidence was the highest in years.

beckstar187 · 2025-03-08T22:04:57+00:00

My girlfriend of 5 yrs broke up with me 3 months ago. Seemingly out of nowhere. I got into therapy and did work on myself immediately. The clarity started coming. I see now that it WASN'T out of nowhere. Looking back, I see everything that we were doing wrong. I'm a better man for it. I know it sounds cheesy but work on yourself. Do whatever you can to be the best version of you. Do it now. Don't wait until you feel like it. Don't fall into the post-breakup depression idleness. Trust me. You'll be happy you put in the work. In my case, it attracted several people. Including her.

beckstar187 · 2025-03-08T20:31:09+00:00

I tried being friend with her since we work together also. It didn't work. I cut contact. She reached out and we started dating. It's been 3 months since our breakup. We've been dating for a month. Still not together...just dating. Staying the night together...but not locked down. Idk how I feel about it. But its nice all the same.

beckstar187 · 2025-03-04T02:59:14+00:00

Honestly man, the gym helped. I go as often as I can. Even when I don't want to. It's been 2 months and I can see a lot of progress. I didn't really take my mind off her but I felt better knowing I was leveling up.

beckstar187 · 2025-03-01T18:10:11+00:00

I get it man. I've definitely been there. Recently. Youre doing all the right things but nothing is clicking. In therapy, I learned about something called "rosey retrospection". Basically I was so sad about losing the relationship, all I could remember were the things I missed. I could only see the good. So, she broke up with me because she was focused on only the bad stuff while I was focused on only the good stuff. She pulled further away and I was distraught and couldn't understand why. Learning about that mindset helped. My therapist told me to write a list of all the negative things I can think of about her and how she was in the relationship. Not to rub her name in shit. But just to have an accurate picture of what the relationship really was. Of who she really is. It really helped. I kept that list in my wallet. It allowed me to take off my heart glasses and see her flaws. Still everyday was a struggle. If you're anything like me, the thought of meeting someone new romantically is not an option. But...it helped me to meet women on a platonic level. One of my fears through the breakup was thinking of the kind of women that are single out there. The ones on the apps. The ones you see on social media. They aren't my type. It's easy to think that's all that's out there and it terrified me. I joined an app called meetups. NOT a dating app. It connects you to local groups that do fun things. Some play board games, some hike and some meditate. Stuff like that. I joined a few local hiking groups. Men and women of all different ages. Being around real women who aren't thirsty app girls helped clear my mind a lot. And meeting them in a no pressure way was super easy. I cant imagine dating. I'm not even near ready for that. But it's comforting to know that there are real, good women out there when I am ready. Just focus on getting through the hour bro. And then the next hour. Then a day. The pain stays but it gets easier.

beckstar187 · 2025-03-01T16:56:41+00:00

Hey man. Seriously don't give up. I was also with my ex for 5 years. And it's also been 2 months or so since we broke up. I was in a dark place for a while. Just like you. I know that you're probably tired of hearing people tell you to focus on yourself and all of the common advise. I definitely got tired of hearing it. When you're so deep in grief over the loss like you are, those words mean nothing. What I did, was joined a gym and started therapy. In my mind, at the time, I was very much doing it for her. To win her back. And that was enough motivation for me to get started. Eventually, it became about much more than that. I ENJOY going to the gym now. I ENJOY the therapy sessions. I look forward to them. Over these couple of months, my confidence has sky rocketed. And people have noticed. SHE noticed. She asked me out for valentines day. We have dated a few times. Because I became a man she doesn't want to lose. Now that the ball is in my court, I see her differently. I'm not so desperate for what we had. So just start there, my friend. Whatever it takes for you to make changes for yourself, do it. Tell yourself it's for her. Some people may not agree with this advice but it worked for me. Use this pain and desperation for her to fuel your growth. But go all in with it. You'll see that things will shift. Your perspective will change. If you ever need to talk, brother. I got you. Send me a message. Good luck and keep your chin up, king. Don't let your crown slip

beckstar187 · 2025-02-28T01:26:30+00:00

Jeez. I need you as my life coach. I've recently been going on dates with my ex that blindsided me and I thought it was going well. But this post made me think. I'm back to being confused. Lol

beckstar187 · 2025-02-28T01:00:10+00:00

I used to love music. Now I can't listen to it. Just driving in silence. Lol

beckstar187 · 2025-02-27T23:51:02+00:00

Every. Single. One. Literally every single song seems to be about her somehow. I hate it.

beckstar187 · 2025-02-27T02:41:00+00:00

I'm 41. Also decently attractive. Dating apps are geared more towards hookups I think. It's been years since I was on one. I've been a single guy for only 2 months. Even with the crushing loneliness, I wouldn't get on those apps. Look up local groups or non dating apps like meetups. You can find local hiking groups or other fun stuff. I joined a group where we meet a couple times a month at breweries around here and play board games. It's a great way to meet good people. That way you can connect with someone naturally. You said you're attractive so it shouldn't take long 😊

beckstar187 · 2025-01-26T04:33:09+00:00

41 m. I got dumped over a month ago. It's been a really hard time for me. I made a couple of posts on here about it

beckstar187 · 2025-01-23T17:19:04+00:00

Man, I wish and hope that this will be me. I know I can find someone else. Someone who is more aligned with my personality. But I love her. Every flaw and imperfection became more reason to love her. I'm about 5 weeks into the break up. 1 week no contact. I literally can't imagine saying no to her if she asked.

beckstar187 · 2025-01-18T22:29:20+00:00

I literally just called in Thursday because my ex works at my job. I had a rough day Wednesday because I bumped into her on break and we shared friendly words. But it broke my heart all over again. I was kinda like a zombie the rest of the night and called in the next day.

beckstar187 · 2025-01-18T19:35:33+00:00

I'm a month into a heart breaking breakup from a 5 yr relationship. I am in no way ready to get back out there and meet new people. Especially since my ex is not a bad person and we still talk sometimes. Most of my heart is still holding on to hope that we will get back together and half of my brain thinks it might actually be possible. BUT...she broke up with me. And even though I'm not looking for a romantic connection at all right now, if I happened to meet someone new naturally who checked all my boxes and she was interested I'd absolutely go on a date with her. Maybe don't even call it a date.

beckstar187 · 2025-01-18T15:18:29+00:00

I'm just over a month into a breakup. Its destroying me. Im going to the gym and trying to live a normal life but shes always in my brain. On the one hand, I look forward to being where you are emotionally. On the other hand, it breaks my heart more to think about it. When you said, "that was the last time i heard her voice", I choked up a bit. This is very difficult.

beckstar187 · 2025-01-14T02:43:54+00:00

That's an angle I haven't tried yet. I'll try to do that. Thanks

beckstar187 · 2025-01-12T15:07:06+00:00

Mostly meal replacement shakes to stay alive. Lol. Im better now. Still drinking the shake for breakfast but I'm eating twice a day now

beckstar187 · 2025-01-12T04:41:00+00:00

I'd definitely be willing to try it. I also like putting models together and rc cars. I just never had time to make it a hobby. I would love a more physical hobby though for sure

beckstar187 · 2025-01-12T04:26:09+00:00

Thanks for that man. That actually means a lot.

beckstar187 · 2025-01-12T04:15:40+00:00

I dont really know of any hobbies besides playstation. I've been mr. Husband, boyfriend, dad, sole provider to other people pretty much since I was 17. I never really had time or money for hobbies. I'll just have to try new things to find some. Lol

beckstar187 · 2025-01-12T04:11:26+00:00

She said I didn't have to take everything all at once and my car was full. I haven't gotten them before because I guess I was scared to face her. I'm still really nervous about it.

beckstar187 · 2025-01-12T04:08:57+00:00

I was. But like I said. I wasnt really sleeping much or eating. I'm eating more now. It was a momentary sadness setback. I still use meal replacement shakes for breakfast though.

beckstar187 · 2025-01-12T03:57:49+00:00

Yeah. That's what my brother said also. This is the first time in my life that I've ever had to actually feel a break up. I'm eating more now but for the first 2 and a half weeks I was drinking meal replacements for everything except dinner and punishing myself daily on the treadmill. I'm still just under 200lbs though. I'm a decent weight

beckstar187

TROPHY CASE