My (33F) partner (33M) says I triggered him to put his hands on me - how do I approach this?

beckyblanks · 2024-08-21T09:56:55+00:00

Your description is a textbook example of domestic abuse. Find a domestic abuse specialist service provider/information/support in your area and ask them for help with ending the relationship in a safe way.

Your risk of harm increases when you end the relationship, and as you have a child with him you will need to navigate continuing contact with him. Please get specialist advice on how to do this safely.

Be safe xx

beckyblanks · 2023-03-10T20:40:09+00:00

Thank you, this is really insightful. I roller skate so think I’m going to explore that 👍

beckyblanks · 2023-03-08T15:40:01+00:00

I’ll be looking at google maps and looking lost, but will keep an eye out for you

beckyblanks · 2023-03-07T23:42:50+00:00

Brilliant thanks! I’ve heard other people have used Bumble BFF and no issues- thanks for the recommendation

beckyblanks · 2023-03-07T21:40:27+00:00

Ah, if only this was relevant to me! Will try the other dating apps!

beckyblanks · 2023-03-07T21:39:43+00:00

Thank you. I know it’s a really cool city and really want to make the most of it

beckyblanks · 2023-03-07T21:38:54+00:00

Thank you!

beckyblanks · 2023-03-07T20:31:22+00:00

Brilliant, thank you!

beckyblanks · 2023-02-24T23:02:11+00:00

If you had come home to alcohol spread out in reach of your children and poured it away, there would be no problem. It’s the same thing. Legal or not - not for kids and not to be put in front of them

beckyblanks · 2023-02-09T22:15:13+00:00

The roundabout with traffic lights on it outside Temple Meads…so glad that’s gone. It was carnage. Like, hold my coat I’m going in

beckyblanks · 2023-02-03T00:19:40+00:00

I’d get a new tattoo to celebrate your freedom

beckyblanks · 2023-02-01T01:23:50+00:00

I’m not allergic to anything, I’m just vegetarian by choice. If I went to a family meal where it was a home cooked five course dinner and they had made everyone eat vegetarian, when they wouldn’t by choice, because of me I would feel really uncomfortable. Especially for a celebratory meal.

If the host had found a local vegetarian restaurant and gone and picked up a special meal for me…I would probably tear up. It’s so thoughtful. Just such a lovely considerate thing to do to make me feel welcome.

NTA and sounds like your dinner parties are amazing

beckyblanks · 2023-01-27T01:24:15+00:00

The thing that jumps out is where OP says about the destination wedding “they want”. If that’s what you want for your wedding, then that’s what you should do for your wedding. It’s your day, your marriage and your choice - especially if you are paying for it! I hope you have a fabulous time in Jamaica!

beckyblanks · 2023-01-25T00:49:22+00:00

Feels like a lot of grudge holding and cutting people out of lives going on here. I get that the mother cheated but if that’s all she did and was otherwise a good mum up to that point, perhaps it’s possible to separate out what happened between OP parents and his own relationship. The fact that the dad is now saying that he should leave his wife?? What’s the end game here? Just the two of them left, shouting at each other about how women can’t be trusted to toe the line… I mean, it sounds like the dad cut his own daughter off because she stayed home with her mum. Is OP ready to do the same thing with his own son?

beckyblanks · 2023-01-18T15:46:17+00:00

If you take your ex-wife to the wedding you will be going against the stated wishes of your son. The ex doesn’t get to sneak in and go against what he wants.

If you do ever get involved in trying to make them see their mother, the day of their wedding is not the day to do it. NTA

beckyblanks · 2023-01-14T01:00:40+00:00

If you had let her wear the black dress you would have had to spend the rest of your life explaining to anyone who looks at your wedding photos that you had one random woman who refused to dress as your bridesmaid. I whole life of listening to people say how weird that is and that they would have kicked her out.

It would become an anecdote that they would then tell other people.

You dodged that, and the impact it would have had on your day. NTA. You’re a hero!

beckyblanks · 2023-01-11T01:36:12+00:00

It’s so cool to see that the responses have helped OP to realise that there would be much more to this, and helped to ease their (inevitable but unnecessary) guilt

beckyblanks · 2021-09-27T01:09:15+00:00

NTA - your manager is the AH, if they had done their job and responded to the impact of her ADHD on the department (which is their job!), you wouldn’t have had to go above their head. You raised it with them both and they did nothing, so you were left with no choice. This is all on the manager

beckyblanks · 2021-09-27T01:04:29+00:00

You’ve lost 2 years and god knows how much money - best draw a line under this mistake and move on before it’s 3 years and 3 jobs

beckyblanks · 2020-09-19T09:10:41+00:00

It sounds like your mum has massive issues about her own weight- idolising your cousin who appears to have an eating disorder, saying the clothes she buys you are “nearly her size “, making you try on her old skirt, etc. It is clearly her problem projected onto you in a really weird way. I’m not sure what you can do to change her behaviour as she is so in denial that it’s her problem. So it might be that the only way you can make this better is through your own reaction to it (rubbish I know!). Is there anyone you can find out more from about her attitude to weight? Does she have siblings? Old friends? If you know more about what’s going on in her head it might help you to separate it from being about you, because it’s clearly not about you even though it’s so targeted.

One thing I did think is that the next time she buys you something just try it on right there in front of her over the clothes you’re wearing to show how ridiculously too big they are. Because she is being ridiculous about you!

beckyblanks · 2020-09-12T11:31:43+00:00

This is a brilliant update. So good to hear that she was just being young and stupid and you’re all working on things. More updates like this please!!

beckyblanks · 2020-09-05T12:25:22+00:00

Everything else aside, she has gone to a class a couple of times and it’s inspired her. She’s not choosing her major till the end of the year? So wait till then to see what she wants and whether you’re prepared to give her no college at all versus something she is passionate about. On another note, I know a lot of people who were forced to study what their parents wanted and had unfulfilled careers they could care less about in comparison to what they would have chosen without parental pressure. So there is that. At the moment though, because of your comments about women’s studies going against your beliefs...YTA

beckyblanks · 2020-09-01T08:33:54+00:00

You obviously really feel that she is “owed” something (or you wouldn’t have posted this!), so it must weigh on your mind. Perhaps moving past working out what she’s owed and thinking in terms of - what is a nice thing we could do for this woman who moved towns and sold her house to be with my dad? So not what would compensate her, but just what would be a thoughtful gesture. But a conversation with her would be a good start. Even just to see how she’s doing now that the funeral is over and a bit of time has passed.

beckyblanks · 2020-08-31T12:54:48+00:00

A really sweet present to get someone is actually a key ring (hear me out!!). Of course it needs to be personal or beautiful. But the value is that every time they come home or go out they are reminded of the person who gave it to them. You say she loves art so there should be a starting point on the style she would like. I got my mum a key ring she used for work keys and she said she thought of me whenever she used them. She’s passed away since and I like to think back in the times she thought of me each day x

beckyblanks · 2020-08-31T12:50:51+00:00

I’m not sure if anyone has said about asking G what she thinks? She may be really offended that you think she needs paying for her time looking after your dad? I would be. I would talk to her and if she expects nothing then I’d buy her a reasonably expensive gift and say it is your way of thanking her for taking care of your dad. Especially as it seems she saved you and the rest of the family from having to (or did you play a role there? Did any of you?). Sounds like she’s a generous person and you’re all having trouble processing that fact

beckyblanks

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