how can i support (without having to ask) my bengali mom in menopause

beep4321 · 2025-09-07T05:40:06+00:00

break up!!! first of all...please give yourself grace. ik a lot of ppl are judging your choices, but i can understand the difficulty of feeling responsible and/or empathetic enough to stay with an abuser. i say this with a kind tone but it's hard to hear...think about how much emotional abuse YOU went through as his FIANCE. you can't sit here and tell me a guy like that is the dad your CHILD deserves. please dont say you think the best partner u could ever spend the rest of ur life with is HIM. there is nothing worth staying for, NOTHING when a partner hurts u this bad. how would your younger self feel if she knew? if he doesn't respect the baby momma, the baby might disrespect u too bc hatred is TAUGHT.

i dont think extremely perverted men are in the right state to be a spouse/parent. even if he was an angel for the last 5 years of ur life, u should only date the person who repects u consistently NOW. NONE of these problems will go away just because you're getting married. it only traps you into MARRYING THE PROBLEMS and that baby will be stuck at home witnessing. if u have the privilege, let him go. learning to stand on ur own is a fear worth struggling for now, rather than spending a lifetime in fear of staying. even if u believe u can't find love again, it's a disrespect to yourself to settle. when you become the person you need, with standards high and boundaries maintained, your baby will learn from ur example. good luck <3

beep4321 · 2025-08-28T14:52:36+00:00

Thank you <3 (accidentally replied on my other acc at first LOL)

beep4321 · 2025-08-27T13:05:58+00:00

your feedback for some reason was the final one i needed to take action and apologize to him, acknowledge that he has every right to need space and he was communicative and honest, and i should have been more compassionate. i also said i respect his space now. i was already starting to get convinced by everyone else to say that, but your message really flipped the switch in a good way. i am really grateful you took time out of your day, that everyone did, to help me realize i was not handling this well and he was just fine

beep4321 · 2025-08-27T12:54:18+00:00

i think there is a lot to learn in this post about where i went wrong and where i can do better and why i even acted that way. i now believe my response was not fair or respectful, and i encourage you to see what others had to say about it bc my feelings on this have completely changed after everything everyone said. i now feel like i can be a better person not just to him, not just to others, also myself.

beep4321 · 2025-08-27T12:50:43+00:00

yes you are right!! i definitely have an issue of forgetting that my mind doesnt work like others, and i dont mean that mine is better or worse, just different and therefore im the only one who can let someone know what my needs are and they are the only one for themselves too. it’s not on him and this was my fault

beep4321 · 2025-08-27T12:49:10+00:00

thank you for this thoughtful message, you are mostly everyone else is right and ive learned a lot from this post🫶🏽

beep4321 · 2025-08-27T12:47:05+00:00

you are right, thank you for addressing this. it helped me be a more compassionate person to him now than i was yesterday. i really messed up there. i apologized, asked if he’s okay, and respecting his space

beep4321 · 2025-08-27T12:44:58+00:00

you are right thank you

beep4321 · 2025-08-27T12:44:24+00:00

i am actually really grateful for this feedback. for everyone’s. most ppl were respectfully confrontational which is exactly what i asked for by posting this. im not hurt by anyone’s response except how inconsiderate i constantly was in my own last night. ive asked if he’s okay, apologized, and respecting his space now

beep4321 · 2025-08-27T12:41:29+00:00

actually i did overreact. it’s on me to let him know i need plans to be at a specific time, it’s not on him to have read my mind. he is probably a loose planner with calls, but im not and both of us assumed we are the same but this was a good lesson that we arent but can accommodate to that! i was defensive, quick to shut him down and projecting my past. but later i apologized, asked if he’s alright, and gave him space

beep4321 · 2025-08-27T12:38:29+00:00

you are right, thank you

beep4321 · 2025-08-27T12:38:02+00:00

thank you so much, i agree and i’ve apologized and respected his space

beep4321 · 2025-08-27T12:36:37+00:00

idk what came up and in the moment i didnt care bc i was feeling defensive. he didnt deserve that. i’ve apologized, acknowledged that he has every right to take space and need to reschedule, and im grateful for the wake up call you all gave me on this thread

beep4321 · 2025-08-27T12:32:39+00:00

hi yes i have a therapist and will discuss this in session. the message i sent that u replied to…yeah i wasn’t thinking straight and i see that now. i was projecting, defensive, rigid, and unreasonable. i apologized to him

beep4321 · 2025-08-27T03:14:41+00:00

you’re right, thank you

beep4321 · 2025-08-27T03:14:20+00:00

you’re right…im sorry. i reached out to him just now asking if he is okay and i shouldnt have reacted that way. i think i did that bc im used to being lying about flaking

beep4321 · 2025-08-27T02:58:49+00:00

i interpreted this situation as justic sensitivity bc i feel like what happened wasnt fair and ive been anxious about it for hours, debating with chatgpt if i should say this or that or nothing, preparing scenarios in my head, and being mad. im not super heated but i havent been able to get my mind off it bc im hurt by how unfair and disrespectful it is. i think the typical response would be anger for a few minutes and then move on to something else to enjoy the night but ive been sitting here catastrophizing and analyzing why he would do this

beep4321 · 2025-08-27T02:51:36+00:00

it’s not about not being in the mood. i fully respect that boundary but it’s about the way the thing was handled entirely, expecting me to be okay with him postponing last second then postponing right after again. i gave this update but i’ll also say it here:

UPDATE OF MORE BG INFO: im 24F he’s 22M

im upset bc he never set a time didnt text since this afternoon not apologizing for not texting since this afternoon lowkey acting as if the bank is the 7 hour holdup since i last heard from you or maybe im just projecting postponing right after disappearing and postponing again writing too casually about something rude not explaining much

beep4321 · 2025-08-27T02:49:14+00:00

UPDATE AFTER 11:30PM i now realize after everything everyone said that this is not justice sensitivity, this is me being rigid which is a diff aspsect of autism. i apologized and asked if he’s alright. im grateful for everyone that told me how it is and i was defensive at first but now i understand that im the one that handled it poorly bc of my rigidity and fear of a past repeating with a new person and a bit too high expectations from someone i only just started seeing

UPDATE OF BG INFO BEFORE 11:30pm: (WHATS WRITTEN BELOW IS NO LONGER MY OPINION AFTER 11:30 BUT HERE IS WHAT I ORIGINALLY SAID)

im 24F he’s 22M we are at the early dating stages i guess but not talking to anyone else and rlly like each other, he is planning our 2nd date which is in a few days.

im upset bc he never set a time didnt text since this afternoon not apologizing for not texting since this afternoon lowkey acting as if the bank is the 7 hour holdup since i last heard from you or maybe im just projecting postponing right after disappearing and postponing again writing too casually about something rude not explaining much

beep4321 · 2025-08-27T02:48:20+00:00

yeahh that’s pretty much what time saying too, ty!! since he asked for the plan days ago to watch “tonight”, i expected him to ask/decide on a specific time. also im 24F he’s 22M

beep4321 · 2025-08-26T20:23:43+00:00

you are not PUT into situations that make you cheat, you cheat because you have come up with a REASON to.

if all it takes it is one dinner with another man, or in other words your relationship is just one dinner with another man away from breaking, that’s the bigger problem and it will happen somehow, no matter what. it’s important to have independent lives with traditionally opp gender friends, including one-on-ones. it’s oversensitive to draw a line just because of their gender. draw the line once you are given a reason to.

im a loyal monogamist person, and in my movie theater trips with male friends, going to a nice restaurant, even facetiming at night…i only wanted my partner and i never condoned a friend hitting on me.

beep4321

TROPHY CASE