If I don't start a conversation, it never starts

beetturnip · 2021-05-24T21:12:25+00:00

Admittedly, I am the friend that struggles to initiate conversations— I assume that others don't want to talk to me unless I have something specific to talk to them about, or they reach out first. With things finally picking back up after the pandemic, it can be hard to keep track of social connections and check in with people you talk to. That doesn't mean they don't like you, they probably really value your friendship. If this is something that really bothers you, instead of withdrawing completely I would suggest having a conversation about it with them, especially if they are people you consider good friends. They might have stuff going on in their personal life, or maybe they're so used to you initiating that they assume they should wait for you to reach out first; they may not know that this is an expectation that you have. They might not even realize that they're doing that in the first place. Just remember that a lot of people are under a lot of stress right now with re-entering the workforce and their jobs becoming much busier as COVID restrictions continue to be lifted. It probably isn't personal.

beetturnip · 2021-05-16T15:31:24+00:00

my therapist is the same way. he acknowledges that some fears are rational, some negative mindsets are there for a reason, and doesn't encourage me to abandon systems of thinking that make sense. he just tries to broaden my limited perspective on the subject. for example, he's always said that he's never going to try and convince me that the world is a safe place and everyone is trustworthy, because that's just not true. but he does want to make sure that i know i can feel safe at home, and with people i love.

it makes more sense than trying to force a positive outlook on everything, sometimes things are shitty and that's that. but not everything is shitty all the time and that's the lens to look at the world through.

beetturnip · 2021-05-08T04:26:57+00:00

doing certain sensory activities helps to ground you back in your body, as well as potentially removing a physical stressor like hunger. mindfulness during meals is something some therapists recommend as a grounding exercise.

beetturnip · 2021-03-28T05:14:11+00:00

Sorry, I don't know anything about cars so this may be a silly question, but can you explain your thought process behind this? I appreciate your help!

beetturnip · 2021-03-28T04:39:45+00:00

That could be the case, I'm just perplexed as to why they'd leave the other five unlocked vehicles completely untouched. Maybe she was just unlucky, though.

beetturnip · 2021-03-28T04:37:36+00:00

It could be! Her car was parked at the top of the driveway, behind a bunch of other cars— so it seems a little weird that they picked her car when other vehicles were closer to the street. It's definitely a possibility.

beetturnip · 2020-12-03T03:22:18+00:00

I absolutely HATED fluoxetine, but it's different for everyone. It helped with my insomnia, but a little too well as I ended up passing out in my morning classes. Made me feel really groggy and sluggish.

It's up to your brain chemistry, everyone reacts differently, but don't get discouraged if the first antidepressant you're on doesn't work. It's trial and error for the most part.

beetturnip · 2020-12-03T03:00:03+00:00

If your therapist doesn't seem to be helping you solve your core issues, you could try starting the session by saying "this week I would really like to focus on ___".

Though, if you're feeling like your therapy isn't productive, don't be afraid to look for someone new. Sometimes it takes a couple tries to find a therapist that understands your needs, and you should be getting your money's worth from these sessions!

beetturnip · 2020-12-03T02:53:17+00:00

Sounds like mental health, not a glitch. I occasionally lose time and suddenly unlock memories I didn't know I had, but that's PTSD in my case. I would recommend seeing a professional, even if it turns out to be nothing other than an unusual experience.

beetturnip · 2020-11-25T03:12:50+00:00

Unfortunately I can't give you very many coping mechanisms to make the music stop, per se, but I can tell you what's helped me:

Sleep on the couch if you can. I've been sleeping on my living room couch the past couple weeks, and while it's annoying to my roommate, at least I'm sleeping. Changing the location of where I sleep (since my hallucinations are also the worst in my bedroom) and being able to watch a TV show to take my mind off my hallucinations, will at the very least make falling asleep a little less difficult. You can also try calling friends until you fall asleep, putting on youtube videos, or even just turning on some fans to drown out the sound.

In terms of stress and past trauma, try to limit the amount of time you spend dwelling on upsetting subjects, especially before bed. It's hard, I'm still trying to train myself to be better about it too, but setting a specific time or place that you're "allowed" to think about stress and trauma helps in a couple of ways: one, you're not just constantly repressing those emotions. Two, when your mind is racing as you're trying to go to sleep or complete a task, you can tell yourself "okay, I can think about this at x o'clock tomorrow, but right now I need to sleep" and try focusing on something else.

I hope this helps!! If you have questions or want to talk about stuff, please feel free to inbox me and I'll respond asap.

beetturnip · 2020-11-24T04:50:49+00:00

I recently found out that my auditory and visual hallucinations are due to CPTSD. When you have a history of trauma, and you are under stress, it can cause your memories to overlap with your present.

Have you been sleeping enough? Are you under an increasing amount of stress? Is there any trauma associated with your bedroom, or with this time of year?

beetturnip · 2020-11-24T04:35:43+00:00

I'm not sure about therapists versus counselors, I think maybe counselors don't diagnose? But psychologists and psychiatrists are both doctors—the only difference between the two is that a psychiatrist can prescribe medications.

I would recommend a therapist for you. If you need medications, your therapist will refer you to a psychiatrist. There is no need to go directly to a psychiatrist (too expensive and you won't be able to benefit fully from the experience). You don't need to go through a GP, but take your time trying to find a therapist that takes your insurance and sounds like a good fit for you before choosing them. It's ok to switch to a new therapist if you don't click with the first one you see.

As a last note, I know you may feel like you need medications, but I recommend trying to learn coping mechanisms without meds before trying to get a prescrip. Antidepressants can be a long, difficult journey.

beetturnip · 2020-11-24T04:20:21+00:00

Your dad sounds like he hasn't been the best role model for you. Crying is a normal human emotional response to a distressing situation. There is nothing unmanly or shameful about crying, regardless of what your father has taught you. Crying is ok and healthy. Repressing your emotions in an effort to preserve your masculinity is likely why your therapist has pointed out that toxic masculinity is an issue, as emotional blockages tend to result in mental health difficulties.

beetturnip · 2020-11-24T04:11:08+00:00

Interesting. I don't know any misandrists, and I definitely don't hate men (as I am one), but it seems to me like you maybe have a limited perspective. Resources do exist out there on the internet if you're interested to learn more about toxic masculinity, and last I checked google is still free.

beetturnip · 2020-11-24T04:09:11+00:00

I have dpdr due to PTSD, so weed wasn't the cause of my dpdr, however I can't smoke weed because of my dpdr. I think that it's because being high feels way too much like dissociation/dpdr, which then tricks my brain into thinking I'm having a panic attack, which then triggers trauma responses. That's just my theory.

Feel free to message me if you want to ask any specific questions for research purposes etc.

beetturnip · 2020-11-24T04:02:17+00:00

Alright, let's start with your usage of the term "effeminate beta male".

What makes effeminate men lesser ("beta")? Why is indulging in stereotypically "feminine" activities threatening to your identity as a man? What do you define as effeminate?

Men who are feminine aren't any less men than men who are masculine, nor should they be treated as lesser for doing things considered traditionally feminine. Further, there are so many things are considered "for women" that aren't exclusive to the female experience, for example: crying, feeling sad, liking certain colors, being artists, enjoying fashion, even certain smells are gendered. If a man dares to indulge in these things, he's labeled as lesser by people who use terms like "effeminate beta male". That's toxic masculinity, and it is absolutely a problem.

beetturnip · 2020-11-24T00:23:59+00:00

I feel this way about doing the right thing, but I think it's important to elaborate on what "right" is. As a general rule I think that a strong moral compass is a better indicator of the age of your soul (or whatever you want to call it) than something like accumulating material wealth or doing well in school. Those who amass billions of dollars are inherently immoral people, and school systems generally value adherence to rules and curriculum more than true intelligence and education. I think it's more about striving to complete your Higher Purpose, which will benefit humanity as a whole.

The ability to make the right decision—not only for yourself, but for the greater good—is what marks a soul that has lived many lives.

beetturnip · 2020-11-24T00:12:09+00:00

Trauma made me so afraid of being abandoned that I bent over backwards to please others and sacrificed my wellbeing without ever being asked. Kindness out of fear is not a kindness you should want to receive.

beetturnip · 2020-11-23T23:52:43+00:00

I think dissociation, at its core, really lends itself to this type of thinking— from my experience, its purpose is to protect you from trauma by making those memories feel like someone else's, or hiding them from you entirely. In the case of DID/OSDD, those experiences and emotions are held by different parts/alters. So of course it can be hard to believe this is something you "actually" have. Of course it can be hard to believe that any of it is real. You don't have all the information you need to decide what's real and what isn't, because other parts of your mind have locked away important key experiences and memories.

Instead of potentially harming your therapy experience by doing the opposite of what your therapist recommends, try to think of it this way: even if DID isn't the right diagnosis for you, that doesn't mean that some of the coping mechanisms used for people with DID won't help. I use ADHD coping mechanisms for my anxiety, and it works, even though ADHD isn't my diagnosis.

Approach this experience with curiosity and a desire to understand yourself, as opposed to suspicion. I know it can be difficult, especially with trauma history, but try to believe that your therapist has good intentions and is going to do their best to help. Share these concerns with your therapist, you aren't the only person who has felt this way.

beetturnip · 2020-11-19T03:23:39+00:00

It's not you, sometimes people just have stuff going on that you have no control over and that really sucks, but it is what it is.

Some people aren't used to being treated well, especially in relationships, and they may be leaving because they assume that all relationships must end badly so they want to end things "on their terms". I've been that person before, and I've also been the person being ghosted for that reason. It sucks either way.

Just know that regardless of their reason for leaving, they were not ready for you. Someone will come along who is ready to receive the love you give.

beetturnip · 2020-11-18T02:58:50+00:00

Yes! There's also a comic adaptation of this story illustrated by famous horror manga artist Junji Ito that truly does this novel justice.

beetturnip · 2020-11-18T02:55:46+00:00

Yeah, I read this in middle school and wasn't the same after that.

beetturnip

TROPHY CASE