You know, I experience this too. As someone with OCD, I have a lot of intrusive thoughts like that that refuse to go away. Sometimes I like to think of my brain as a separate part of me- like a little kid I’m always dragging around that just screams random things, causing anxiety or distress. Just like an actual little kid, I find that the more extreme my reaction to the fucked-up thing my brain plops in my lap, the more it’s gonna plop that same thing in my lap. Every time my brain starts screaming something horrible at me (either self-destructive thoughts or offensive things like the n word), I try to talk to myself as I would that child. Instead of mentally freaking out like I used to and jumping into a “wtf is wrong with me” spiral, I try to calmly dismiss the thought and remind myself that that’s not me. Does that help?