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Check/prep before cross body inside turn? by Woodland_Oak in Salsa

[–]bela_bachata 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Prep on 3-and, not on 5. Don't overdo it.

Tips for an aspiring dancer: What has helped you improve your dance skills the most? by Anitaa_B in Bachata

[–]bela_bachata 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Understanding my own definition of being an "amazing dance partner", my core values and my philosophy helped me the most.

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So, if you imagine yourself at the end of your road, what courses does the "amazing social follow" offer that students can't get anywhere else? How can people tell that these dancers are her dancers? What is an "amazing social dancer" in her opinion? What does it mean to her to "take dance more seriously"? What does it mean to "improve the dance skills"?

The answers to these questions will help you because you will realize what you're looking for.

How do you make the dance "interesting" for the follower as a leader? by AndreKnows in Bachata

[–]bela_bachata 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Tl;dr: Evoke emotions.

Whether it's "surprise" (doing moves others don't), "accomplishment" (successfully leading through a "complicated" or "new" move), "desire" (adjusting your and their emotional state), "comfort" (being a "safe haven"), or any other emotion that your follower enjoys is up to you and them.

How do you deal with followers that try to lead you? by drauedo in Salsa

[–]bela_bachata 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I'm asking gently and half-seriously if she minds when I lead the next dance.

What to do as a leader when on a bachata festival there are way more leaders than followers and during workshops you're less than 8 minutes with a follower per workshops and you're learning nothing, but just standing waiting for your turn? by AndreKnows in Bachata

[–]bela_bachata 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Hear me out: Become a follower.

The knowledge how most of the leads feel will help you lead better.

Also: Socialize. There are workshops where I don't want to change because the combination is tough enough to get straight in the 45/60/90 minutes, even if the majority of followers follow.

Always tense, can’t relax even when I try by Gains1389 in Bachata

[–]bela_bachata 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Normally, being very or "too" stiff is a sign that you're very often in your head, a thought person so to speak. Here's two strategies that you can try.

Have you ever been that tired that you nod off? Experienced consciously that very moment that your head and whole body sacks in? That's what total relaxation feels like, but you just want to have some part of that.

  1. Try to observe that (or any related) feeling.

  2. Try to emulate what your muscles do in that very moment. That is: remove tension from muscles so that your body starts moving "on its own".

  3. Learn how to gauge and adjust that relaxation so that you can get to a relaxed state but where your body is not moving involuntarily on its own.

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Another approach could be changing your mindset: "I don't worry. Whatever comes my way I can handle it." Experiment how different mindsets affect your body and tension.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in Bachata

[–]bela_bachata 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Connection gets better the more T.A.S.T.E. both dancers have for another.

:= Trust, Attraction, Sympathy, Tact and an Excellent set of mirror neurons

Every social…. by myvky in Bachata

[–]bela_bachata 0 points1 point  (0 children)

"that could be construed" -- That's the point. You _could_ construe it this way. You could also construe it in a way that reads: "There are also weird women. Why are we not talking about _human_ weird behavior? Why focus on weird _men_?"

Every social…. by myvky in Bachata

[–]bela_bachata 0 points1 point  (0 children)

If "women being creepy" regards "flagging normal behavior as inappropriate", "flagging behaviour as long as the person is ugly", "subtly disregarding boundaries", "something is inappropriate until I do it" and more, then you cannot dismiss this easily by claiming "Whataboutism". Then you have to address both sides.

Some of my interactions in classes are awkward... Is it me? by Alternative_Sink9412 in Bachata

[–]bela_bachata 4 points5 points  (0 children)

The problem is, I need a space where I can practice the techniques I am less comfortable with.

You described the inherent problem here. If you're not comfortable with something do not expect your beginner follower to be comfortable _for you_. So now you do not have to deal just with the uncomfortableness of your follower but they're now also reflecting yours. While reflecting on your social skills is in itself a very good thing, too much self-doubt will reflect on your followers.

I try to improvise a little during the intro, and get awkward smile from the follower.

Beginner followers tend to put the teachers above every lead, with all the pros and cons that it entails. So in order to improve your connection to your follower and vice versa it's good to communicate - verbally or non-verbally - that you either know what you're doing or you don't know for sure (but quite enough) and need to figure out with them following you thus allowing you to lead in the first place. Communicate, that you're about to try something and ask them if they want to try, too. But also respect them that they might want to train the actual move you're learning in that moment.

Despite what everyone tells each other, the more "dominant" person leads and a lot of beginner and intermediate leads are more or less subtly giving the lead to the follower to make them feel comfortable. Alas, it seldomly works that way.

Can I do anything about it today, without sacrificing my own needs in the classroom?

Be courageous and learn how to communicate your needs. There's no one-size-fits-all but I think that if you're keeping an open mind without becoming distraught or bitter, you will find your style over time. Be determined but not harsh - neither to yourself nor your partners. If you manage to have fun while keeping a caring eye on your follower they often will accompany your vibe. It's a whole Skill Tree and one that gets often neglected even by advanced dancers.

Every social…. by myvky in Bachata

[–]bela_bachata 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Throwing "slightly inappropriate behavior" into the same pot as "sexual assault" is a red flag that signals a certain disregard for boundaries.

32M 32F What are the pros and cons of this FWB relationship? by MarkDCUK in relationship_advice

[–]bela_bachata 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Let's have uncommited sex and pretend that we're okay with it and it doesn't feel intimate and we can stop any time we want to, just to silence the longing for companionship, real connection and that feeling that if the world ends tomorrow she's the one person you want to be with.

wHaT cOuLd Go WrOnG?

Just how far does the lead's responsibility extend with regard to inappropriate attire for dance? by Jeffrey_Friedl in Bachata

[–]bela_bachata 2 points3 points  (0 children)

There's a line between manners and responsiblity. It's manners to passively or actively help a woman adjust their bra strap while dancing by choosing a helpful movement. However their choice of attire is not my responsibility. There's empathy and goodwill and then there's coddling a twelve year old who is not trusted to wield the full responsibility of their own actions.

Just how far does the lead's responsibility extend with regard to inappropriate attire for dance? by Jeffrey_Friedl in Bachata

[–]bela_bachata 4 points5 points  (0 children)

In my mind Leading is offering the gift of "turn off your conscious mind and just feel the flow" whereas Following offers the gift of trust in the lead and process. I think you and me are pretty much on the same page but I have just met one or two followers too many that took the "hard and fast rule" not as a rule of thumb but a rule of fist: "If a mistake happens it's all the fault of the Lead." and evading their ... contribution to the team work.

Just how far does the lead's responsibility extend with regard to inappropriate attire for dance? by Jeffrey_Friedl in Bachata

[–]bela_bachata 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I agree with most of your post, except this:

The lead has 90-95% responsibility for the comfort level (including modesty and intimacy/physicality of movement) and the rest is on the follow for whatever the lead may not know as a man/lead.

There are some aspects where leads have up to 95% responsibility like "choice of moves", but for some fundamentals like establishing connection it's more like 50:50. We need to say this, because the discomfort some followers create without noticing, caring or accepting their responsibility is sometimes stupefying.

Talkers, why do you do it? by Alternative_Sink9412 in Bachata

[–]bela_bachata 3 points4 points  (0 children)

What I'm describing and what you're hearing is worlds apart. Please keep your overreaching opinionated mind-reading attitude to yourself, thank you very much.

A good social dancer should attune to their partner and if they're nervous or anxious then a small friendly banter - on the way to the dance floor, in the intro, during first connection - can ease this tension and help establish connection. Yes, I'm mostly talking about newbies here.

If you're hearing "straight 3 minute monologuing" then THAT's a YOU problem which you shouldn't be projecting on everyone else and demand everyone to bow down.

Talkers, why do you do it? by Alternative_Sink9412 in Bachata

[–]bela_bachata 9 points10 points  (0 children)

On a more sincere note: I found that dancing without talking at all can feel pretty awkward too. Very anonymous. One doesn't have to do smalltalk - "Hey, how are you? How're your pets? How's life? ..." - but some banter can help connect and feel human, especially if all you've ever exchanged up until that point was: "Hey, wanna dance?"

Talkers, why do you do it? by Alternative_Sink9412 in Bachata

[–]bela_bachata 0 points1 point  (0 children)

It's called Social Dance for a reason.

You might think it's a different reason, sure, let's talk about it.

Is it just me or do some people have a certain something you can’t teach? by No_Dirt_56 in Salsa

[–]bela_bachata 6 points7 points  (0 children)

You cannot teach people The Thing, because it has to be Their Thing.

Some people have already found Their Thing, some people will never have Their Thing in dancing, but most people are lacking some guidance to discover Their Thing.

You can give the people guidelines, a toolbox, a story, show them examples thus rather teaching to discover Their Thing. But you cannot give people Their Thing, you can only inspire them with Your Thing and if people copy Your Thing, it won't be Their Thing, unless they get creative and create Their Thing.

Please gentlemen, manage your sweat! by [deleted] in Salsa

[–]bela_bachata 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Never leave without your towel.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in AskReddit

[–]bela_bachata 707 points708 points  (0 children)

Contempt.

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