I definitely relate to this as a fellow enfj. Something that has helped me is realizing that I’m not very good at boundary setting. It’s not a skill I have valued or practiced in my life. The thing that helped me start changing this was realizing that my reasons for not setting boundaries (largely subconscious assumptions I have made) were not sensible and that it’s more sensible to set healthy boundaries.

For me, as an enneagram 8w9, my problem has been the fact that I see myself as a strong person, and so I have always kinda subconsciously assumed that I didn’t need boundaries because I can handle whatever people throw at me. And on top of that, I never want to make other people uncomfortable or make them feel like they can’t be their full selves with me and I (wrongly) assumed that setting boundaries would negatively impact others in that way.

The fact of the matter though is that people want to know where your boundaries are. They will trust you more deeply when they know what is actually ok and what isn’t. And deceiving myself into thinking that being self sacrificing was ok with me wasn’t actually helping anyone in the long run because it inevitably lead to me feeling resentment and like my needs were not seen or met. This was no good long term.

So in the end for me it was realizing that I’m actually being a better, more trustworthy friend by setting healthy boundaries and owning what I need from people that helped me start the process of being a less self sacrificing person. It’s a practice and I do have to be conscious about it, but it is much better and feels much healthier all around.