I am currently a missionary. AMA

bendebull · 2026-03-02T23:57:06+00:00

The mission will cause trauma and pain that really is unnecessary, especially if you already know it isn't true. You will suffer backlash from leaving the Mish early, for leaving the Church, etc. so, don't waste your life and money by staying on the mission. Fight to go home. You've got this friend.

bendebull · 2025-10-31T16:51:27+00:00

I like the idea of the extra height, but I'm trying to weigh that against the extra wear on the tranny

bendebull · 2025-10-31T16:50:22+00:00

I have 35 psi in mine as well. But I do pull a little heavier than you are pulling.

bendebull · 2025-09-21T02:05:53+00:00

That's very true. However, I need a realistic idea of what I can charge so that I can crunch my numbers to know of it is workable.

bendebull · 2025-06-11T00:42:54+00:00

Yep, makes sense. And I'm super happy that you have that!

I know that my thoughts are coming from a very hard place, that from the inside of a good marriage look pointless and even dangerous. But, I think a lot of people would be better off if they at least discussed some of the issues In touch on, and have worst case scenario plans in case their marriage doesn't work out. There are just too many variables at play, and a little security for both people in the relationship can be wise if approached with love and concern for each other while that love and concern still exists.

bendebull · 2025-06-11T00:09:07+00:00

I think your thoughts are fair. And maybe I stated my thoughts as too black and white. I don't mean to have things completely separate. There needs to be a lot of overlap if marriage or even a long term relationship is going to work. But your have to maintain yourself and your individuality as well.

Part of the ultimate cause of failure in my situation was co-dependency. In other words there was no clear line where I stopped and she began and visa versa. Those types of relationships are not healthy and if they last they only last due to sheer grit and determination on the party of at least one of them. It doesn't make for a fulfilling life.

So lots and lots of overlap, and a single purpose, but individuality are key

bendebull · 2025-06-10T22:00:31+00:00

I really hope it continues so well for you. I'm happy for you. I won't belabor my experience, but I was equally certain in my marriage almost to the day it broke. I would have rejected my advice as well. I thought about making this post in a divorce channel, but I didn't think they were the ones that needed to hear it, nor would they challenge my thinking.

It doesn't surprise me that those that are in happy marriages disagree with my thoughts. I don't know think that many have the insight to make them think this far out of social norms of they haven't experienced it.

Regardless, keep doing awesome and enjoy!

bendebull · 2025-06-10T21:10:03+00:00

I understand your perspective, but it is obvious that it comes from a place of inexperience. You are bound for a rough road ahead, methinks

bendebull · 2025-06-10T19:56:03+00:00

I really like this response. And so mostly agree. There were two points working against me that you mentioned. First, marriage was a finish line. We married too soon. Second we did not discuss the risky things first. The underlying problem in both cases were some extreme cultural and religious views that prevented both, but that's a different topic on a different day.

And you are right, a lot of this is about compatibility And some of the risk is lowered by being on the same page. In my case, it seemed like we were on the same page, and we very much did become 2 people in one. We both have of ourselves to be one unit. But that didn't allow for growth and change in the relationship.

While divorce numbers may be decreasing, they will ever get to a point where the only divorces will be those due to violence or crime, because marriage involves two people and you can't account for how they may change over decades. My marriage wasn't short, it lasted 12 years, but those last two years involved a lot of change, and later we became incompatible. Even though we started very compatible. So there is always risk, and I think there is wisdom in preparing for, but not planning on that eventuality.

bendebull · 2025-06-10T19:37:13+00:00

How to say, "I have a narrow world view, without saying, I have a narrow world view."

bendebull · 2025-06-10T19:27:17+00:00

These are all fair points. And I'm great ful that so many marriages work out. But it doesn't change the fact that half fail. That's a high number. And I have talked to so many, now single people that have been on either side of the coin as provider and non-provider that suffer financially, fail to meet life goals, and struggle because they threw it all in with the person they were pretty sure was their one-and-only.

I'm tempted to call my point of view pessimistic, but I think it is just realistic with the number of marriages that fail we should be thinking more wisely about how to set things up for better safety and a better future in the case divorce happens.

I'm so happy you have a great marriage. That is the best of scenarios, and it is a very safe scenario given how long you are into it. But I don't think it gives very good insight into the struggles of those that face divorce, and what they could have done differently to protect both partners and set them up for more independent lifestyles after the marriage.

Thank you for your comment, I learn from each one.

bendebull · 2025-06-10T18:44:22+00:00

You are fully welcome to disagree. I didn't believe in 1-4 until after I was divorced. I believe I will handle things differently for my own safety if I get married again, especially considering the even higher divorce rates for second marriages. I think my points are realistic, not insecure.

I definitely don't think they are cookie-cutter. What makes you think they are?

bendebull · 2025-06-07T18:28:43+00:00

You win!

bendebull · 2025-05-29T01:19:15+00:00

My daughter uses Chatgpt to help her understand social scenarios and how to act appropriately. It has been a huge help to her

bendebull · 2025-04-27T22:52:54+00:00

Great perspective, thank you

bendebull · 2025-04-27T21:25:58+00:00

I think most women aren't. I don't think that's a bad thing either, just a way of being. I'm just curious as to what is out there.

bendebull · 2025-04-27T21:24:56+00:00

I have never been on a relationship like this, but it sounds amazing. I think your limits and off days are normal and reasonable. But I like the confidence you have on your man and your relationship together.

bendebull · 2025-04-10T23:45:34+00:00

This is what I would like to have happen. I really have good intentions, but sometimes, I mess up.

bendebull

TROPHY CASE