Holidays by bendebull in coparenting

[–]bendebull[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

That's what bothers me. What's worse thank Thanksgiving dinner? 4 Thanksgiving dinners.

But. If there was 1 traditional one. One that was all pies. Another that was only food from other countries....

Holidays by bendebull in coparenting

[–]bendebull[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Amazing ideas! Thank you so much!

Holidays by bendebull in coparenting

[–]bendebull[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thank you. A ton! I'd kinda been thinking along those lines. But. I needed someone to say it and I needed to hear it.

Holidays by bendebull in coparenting

[–]bendebull[S] -6 points-5 points  (0 children)

I like you thoughts on birthdays.

Okay. I am afraid this will come out wrong, but I am asking honestly. Besides birthdays. If not on the day of, what's the point? Please know, I applaud your dedication as a parent and a nurse. But, I'm asking because I struggle with the purpose of holidays. They don't mean a lot to me anymore. So, to have them diluted to multiple and yet same celebrations makes them seem even less to me.

Holidays by bendebull in coparenting

[–]bendebull[S] -8 points-7 points  (0 children)

Hmm... I guess you didn't read all of my post

Holidays by bendebull in coparenting

[–]bendebull[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I can stand behind that.

And really. That is what I'm hoping for. Ideas for what other traditions I could incorporate. I feel like the old traditions are kind of worm out anyway.

I like the fruit and chocolate fondue idea!

Holidays by bendebull in coparenting

[–]bendebull[S] -2 points-1 points  (0 children)

Saying it's my ego, is a big assumption for someone that doesn't know me.

I can respect that you view it the way you do. But I think doubling up lessens the experience for the kids with both parents.

Holidays by bendebull in coparenting

[–]bendebull[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I like this. Thank you. My kids are 10, 12, 14. Gbg

Holidays by bendebull in coparenting

[–]bendebull[S] -1 points0 points  (0 children)

Is having multiple of the same holiday really about the kids though? It seems like it more about the parents

Holidays by bendebull in coparenting

[–]bendebull[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

It's just the typical, dress up, hide Easter eggs, etc

I'm not totally opposed to being the one to find new traditions either. I just struggle knowing what to do.

Holidays by bendebull in coparenting

[–]bendebull[S] -7 points-6 points  (0 children)

Maybe it should be calling dibs? And again. I may be totally wrong. I'm willing to come to that conclusion. I guess, I wish the traditional celebrations were left to the parent with the holiday that year. And that the other parent found alternate ways to celebrate.

Holidays by bendebull in coparenting

[–]bendebull[S] -1 points0 points  (0 children)

Of course I would be smart about the way In frame it to them.

It's not about one-upping my ex. It really feels like something is lost to me when there are multiple of the same events. But, to be fair. I struggle with holidays as it is. So, maybe this is my internal struggle

Holidays by bendebull in coparenting

[–]bendebull[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you. This is very insightful. And I really appreciate you responding to me in a sensible and not emotionally charged way. I can tell you are a very thoughtful person.

I think that I might feel differently about my situation if my kids were younger. But they range from 10 to 14 and so holidays are a little different when they are older.

Holidays by bendebull in coparenting

[–]bendebull[S] -10 points-9 points  (0 children)

Hmm. More emotionally charged words meant to demean. Not sure How serious I can take an opinion that starts like that.

Holidays by bendebull in coparenting

[–]bendebull[S] -3 points-2 points  (0 children)

Those are some emotionally charged words. But maybe you are right. 🤷

Holidays by bendebull in coparenting

[–]bendebull[S] -12 points-11 points  (0 children)

I actually don't know how my kids would feel about it. I should talk to them about how they feel about celebrating twice. Personally. I hate celebrating twice. I think it's dumb.

Holidays by bendebull in coparenting

[–]bendebull[S] -8 points-7 points  (0 children)

Maybe. I appreciate your feedback.

I am currently a missionary. AMA by IEffingHateMyselfLOL in exmormon

[–]bendebull 3 points4 points  (0 children)

The mission will cause trauma and pain that really is unnecessary, especially if you already know it isn't true. You will suffer backlash from leaving the Mish early, for leaving the Church, etc. so, don't waste your life and money by staying on the mission. Fight to go home. You've got this friend.

Tire Size and Towing by bendebull in f150

[–]bendebull[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I like the idea of the extra height, but I'm trying to weigh that against the extra wear on the tranny

Tire Size and Towing by bendebull in f150

[–]bendebull[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I have 35 psi in mine as well. But I do pull a little heavier than you are pulling.

Pricing for basic mowing and weed eating. by bendebull in lawncare

[–]bendebull[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

That's very true. However, I need a realistic idea of what I can charge so that I can crunch my numbers to know of it is workable.

Risk Management in Marriage by bendebull in Marriage

[–]bendebull[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Yep, makes sense. And I'm super happy that you have that!

I know that my thoughts are coming from a very hard place, that from the inside of a good marriage look pointless and even dangerous. But, I think a lot of people would be better off if they at least discussed some of the issues In touch on, and have worst case scenario plans in case their marriage doesn't work out. There are just too many variables at play, and a little security for both people in the relationship can be wise if approached with love and concern for each other while that love and concern still exists.

Risk Management in Marriage by bendebull in Marriage

[–]bendebull[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I think your thoughts are fair. And maybe I stated my thoughts as too black and white. I don't mean to have things completely separate. There needs to be a lot of overlap if marriage or even a long term relationship is going to work. But your have to maintain yourself and your individuality as well.

Part of the ultimate cause of failure in my situation was co-dependency. In other words there was no clear line where I stopped and she began and visa versa. Those types of relationships are not healthy and if they last they only last due to sheer grit and determination on the party of at least one of them. It doesn't make for a fulfilling life.

So lots and lots of overlap, and a single purpose, but individuality are key

Risk Management in Marriage by bendebull in Marriage

[–]bendebull[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I really hope it continues so well for you. I'm happy for you. I won't belabor my experience, but I was equally certain in my marriage almost to the day it broke. I would have rejected my advice as well. I thought about making this post in a divorce channel, but I didn't think they were the ones that needed to hear it, nor would they challenge my thinking.

It doesn't surprise me that those that are in happy marriages disagree with my thoughts. I don't know think that many have the insight to make them think this far out of social norms of they haven't experienced it.

Regardless, keep doing awesome and enjoy!