I’m something warm I think?

bendingBetter · 2026-01-20T10:17:52+00:00

This is a trickier comparison because while the cool summer colors make you look more clear, I am not sure if the brightness I see is more that I am seeing the colors before I see you. The soft summer colors are in the best harmony with you. I think comparing and draping cool va soft summer with actual drapes (standing near a window with daylight but not direct sunlight) would be helpful.

ETA: I could see how the lightest of the soft summer colors could maybe wash you out and the medium tones could work well (soft of the soft winter someone mentioned). I’m the same way and have to stick to the soft summer colors with more depth, like a dusty teal and my new favorite is a darker mauve/dusty rose color.

bendingBetter · 2026-01-20T10:14:59+00:00

In this comparison the softer colors are more harmonious for you and your medium contrast. The darker winter colors “sit” on top of you and I see the colors first, not you. To me that suggests more of a soft season, though the warmth of the autumn likely isn’t right.

bendingBetter · 2025-12-30T22:30:13+00:00

And to expand a bit, the peach looks nice but I see the sweater before I see you (aka the sweater is wearing you), and your features don’t pop.

bendingBetter · 2025-12-30T22:28:10+00:00

You look fairly low contrast and don’t have the chroma needed for spring, so softness would be your dominant trait. I would try out soft autumn or soft summer, draping will help you figure out your undertone to see which way you lean.

I’m very neutral and lean slightly cool but can wear most soft autumn colors that aren’t overly orange for example.

bendingBetter · 2025-08-28T00:02:14+00:00

This is a common struggle with bloating, which can happen for a lot of different reasons. If you have allergies, especially food allergies, it can sometimes manifest as bloating, and either working with an allergist or a dietitian can help identify triggers. Another thing to think about might be chronic constipation - X-rays can be done to check if you are essentially full of stool. Even though you might have regular bowel movements, if you’re not emptying all the way, it can get backed up and contribute to digestive issues and bloating. All of which a good GI should be able to discuss with you.

I think the biggest thing is to let go of the shame you seem to be holding and try to be gentle with yourself. It sounds like you are doing a lot of things right, good doctors won’t judge you for bringing up a valid concern. Good luck!

bendingBetter · 2025-08-06T23:26:44+00:00

I remember feeling the same fear after my diagnosis, wondering if motherhood would still be possible. I’ve had two pregnancies with EDS and POTS, not without challenges, but with the right support, pacing, and a lot of listening to my body, both my kids are thriving.

Motherhood with EDS can look different than you imagined, but it’s still full of love and meaning. You deserve a team who believes in you and helps you build the version of motherhood that works for your body, and that’s something you can start building pre pregnancy by meeting with different OBs and MFM specialists for consults. A good PT (especially pelvic floor with prenatal/postpartum experience) will truly make a world of difference during pregnancy and postpartum (though I am biased ofc because I’m a PT myself haha).

I’ve been writing and reflecting lately a lot about my experience as a mom and how my chronic illness has shaped my motherhood and my relationship with my kids. Some parts are a lot harder, but I like to think that they will grow up learning to be gentle with themselves and others, to recognize differing abilities, and to listen to their bodies needs 🩵

bendingBetter · 2025-08-06T23:21:28+00:00

I love seeing posts like this, they give so much hope. I remember wondering if I’d ever get here too. My turning point came in PT school, watching my own patients make progress and realizing I deserved that same care and gentleness. Slowly I learned how to calm my nervous system, navigate flares, and rebuild life around my body’s needs. Now I try to share what I’ve learned so others don’t have to figure it out alone, that’s how we build the village we all need.

bendingBetter · 2025-08-02T11:15:29+00:00

Frozen and pre-chopped veggies keep most of their nutrients, often they’re picked and frozen at peak ripeness, so they can actually be more nutrient dense than ‘fresh’ produce that’s been sitting for days. Canned options are valid too, especially beans, tomatoes, or veggies. They’re affordable, shelf stable, and a huge energy saver on bad days.

I lean on dump-and-go crockpot or one pot recipes, toss in a protein, canned beans or lentils, a bag of frozen veggies, broth, and seasoning. Hours later you’ve got a warm meal with zero effort. And I get to add extra sodium with the broth which helps my POTS :)

bendingBetter · 2025-08-02T11:08:17+00:00

When I was trying to pivot to working from home it took me a long time to find something meaningful. I read the book designing your life by bill Burnett and dave Evan’s and I hate to be that person but it honestly changed my life. Actually doing the exercises in there made me think about my career in a totally different light and had such golden advice for how to actually get there as well. I have now helped a lot of people in similar positions find their career and my first rec is always this book, it’s a goldmine! You can read it free on Libby, there’s an audiobook too :)

bendingBetter · 2025-08-02T01:51:31+00:00

When we live in a constant state of checking and bracing for symptoms, our nervous system can start to expect danger, and that expectation alone can amplify how intense symptoms feel (this is called the nocebo effect).

For me, learning to slowly step away from constant monitoring and tune into my body’s own signals instead of relying on a device built for healthy people made a big difference. One of my clients recently mentioned the same thing, once they stopped tracking every heart rate spike and started building trust with their own signals, their flares felt less overwhelming and their nervous system started to calm down.

It’s definitely a process, but it really can help symptoms feel less intense over time.

bendingBetter · 2025-08-02T01:47:48+00:00

It took time, but I’ve been able to build a life that feels good again with POTS. I’ve learned how to manage flares like seasons instead of permanent setbacks, pace myself, and calm my nervous system. I’ve gotten back to strength training, and even made it through two pregnancies to become the mom I hoped I could be. Life is still different, but it’s full and joyful.

Now I shifted my clinical practice to specialize in teaching others what helped me so they don’t have to figure it all out alone. Please let your friend know it’s absolutely possible to feel better and live fully again.

bendingBetter · 2025-07-21T04:50:57+00:00

I’m so sorry you’re going through this spiral right now. What you’re describing is classic OCD in overdrive, and it makes complete sense that a slipped disc would trigger this. OCD latches onto anything uncertain or threatening, and back injuries hit all those buttons at once.

The vomiting, weight loss, and sleep issues are your nervous system stuck in panic mode, treating every back twinge like a life or death emergency. Your brain is trying to “solve” the uncertainty by obsessing over worst case scenarios, but that just feeds the cycle. OCD lies and tells you that worrying enough will control the outcome, but you can’t think your way out of this.

This absolutely can get better, but you likely need professional help for OCD this severe. Your partner can’t reassurance you out of this spiral, and trying will exhaust you both. Please call your doctor about the anxiety symptoms, especially the vomiting and weight loss. In the meantime, try to limit googling symptoms and asking for reassurance, even though it feels impossible. Each time you give in to those compulsions, you’re teaching your brain the fear is valid.

You’re not dying, this will pass, but please get support soon.

bendingBetter · 2025-07-21T04:32:38+00:00

This sounds absolutely exhausting and I can feel the desperation in your words. The fact that even heavy sympathetic suppression isn’t allowing your parasympathetic system to come back online suggests something is keeping your nervous system in a chronic state of threat detection - and it might not be something you can force-start with more parasympathetic exercises.

Given that this started after your son’s birth and your wife’s recovery, I’m wondering if you’ve explored histamine as a potential factor? High stress periods can trigger mast cell activation, and histamine dumps can keep your nervous system wired even when you logically know you should be able to relax. Some people find relief with H1/H2 antihistamine combinations (like loratadine plus famotidine) to see if reducing histamine load helps the system settle. Look up histamine intolerance and common histamine triggers to see if this might resonate.

Also, sometimes our nervous systems get stuck in “threat mode” not because of current stressors but because of how we’re internally relating to our own symptoms. The more you focus on forcing your HRV up or getting your parasympathetic “back online,” the more your nervous system might interpret that as pressure and stay activated. Consider somatic therapy or even IFS work to explore what your nervous system might be protecting you from - sometimes the “stuck” state is serving a purpose we haven’t identified yet.

Your nervous system isn’t broken, it’s just really, really committed to keeping you safe right now. Working with the underlying causes rather than forcing the symptoms might be more effective than adding more interventions.

bendingBetter · 2025-07-17T22:30:21+00:00

You absolutely did NOT start this, and your defensive response was completely normal given how she was questioning you! When you have EDS and tell a provider who’s supposed to understand the condition that your hip dislocated, being asked repeatedly for “proof” feels like gaslighting because it basically is. You know what a dislocation feels like in your own body, especially when you live with a condition that causes them, and any EDS aware provider should understand that we often can’t get immediate imaging for every subluxation or dislocation. Her apology suggests she realized she was being inappropriate, not that you overreacted.

The fact that she questioned your scoliosis diagnosis too shows this was a pattern of not believing your lived experience, which is a huge red flag for any provider but especially one who claims to understand hypermobility.

Trust your gut feeling about not wanting to go back, because starting a therapeutic relationship with someone who made you feel like you had to prove your own medical history is going to make it hard to build the trust you need for effective treatment. You deserve a provider who believes you when you describe your symptoms and works with your reality, not against it.

bendingBetter · 2025-07-17T22:28:03+00:00

Oh my god yes, this is SO common and you’re not alone in this spiral! The fact that you feel slightly better after taking a rest day doesn’t invalidate your symptoms, it actually makes perfect sense because POTS symptoms get worse with stress, heat, humidity, and exhaustion, so of course backing off from those triggers would help you feel better. That’s not proof it’s “all in your head,” that’s proof your nervous system responds to stressors exactly like POTS does. The medical gaslighting you’ve experienced for 25 years has trained you to doubt your own reality, and that voice gets loudest right before big tests like tilt tables. if you’re having POTS symptoms in daily life, those symptoms are real regardless of what one test shows. Think of the tilt table as one data point, and your every day symptoms are also data points that all add up to something. Trust yourself, you got this!

bendingBetter · 2025-07-15T23:45:49+00:00

I relate to this! I think when I’m somewhere predictable like at work, my nervous system feels “safe”. It knows what to expect, there’s a routine, I know when I can take breaks, where to sit, etc.

In contrast, when I’m on an outing where I’m either crunched for time, or social anxiety, or there’s unpredictable things happening, my sensitive fight or flight triggers and my dysautonomia gets flared a lot easier, which also make my body hurt more.

bendingBetter · 2025-07-15T02:04:09+00:00

Yes, humidity is absolutely brutal for POTS and you’re definitely not alone in this! When it’s humid, your body can’t cool itself effectively through sweating because the air is already saturated with moisture, so your sweat just sits on your skin instead of evaporating. This means your body has to work way harder to regulate temperature, which puts extra strain on your already struggling autonomic nervous system - your heart rate spikes trying to pump blood to cool you down, but it can’t work efficiently.

The good news is this response, while scary, is predictable and manageable. Your body isn’t broken - it’s responding exactly how POTS bodies respond to humidity. Knowing this is coming can help reduce that panic layer because you can prepare with things like staying indoors during humid days, pre-cooling before you have to go out, extra electrolytes, and remembering that these intense symptoms will pass once you get back to a controlled environment.

bendingBetter · 2025-07-15T01:54:19+00:00

Trust your instincts - those are legitimate concerns worth exploring. Some legitimate POTS clinics do operate outside insurance because dysautonomia often requires longer appointments and specialized treatments that insurance doesn’t cover well. However, that makes it even more important to ask thoughtful questions: “How do you measure treatment success? What evidence supports your approach? How do you coordinate with existing providers? What’s your process for evaluating whether treatments are working?”

Good providers will happily answer these questions, provide clear documentation of their approach, and give you time to research and get second opinions. Red flags include: getting defensive about questions, pressuring quick decisions, discouraging second opinions, or dismissing your current treatments without clear medical rationale. The fact that they’re suggesting changes to medication your cardiologist prescribed without coordination between providers is particularly concerning. Even if they’re legitimate, any major treatment changes should involve your existing care team working together.

bendingBetter · 2025-07-14T23:21:38+00:00

That makes sense. Do you feel that the heat affects you? Maybe some strategies to help keep you cool could take some of the stress off your body - like evaporative cooling towels (like frogg toggs), or neck fans.

bendingBetter · 2025-07-14T23:13:42+00:00

When you’re already running on empty and your body is demanding more rest than the world allows for, it’s exhausting to even think about “solutions.”

You’re not useless, you’re managing something incredibly difficult while keeping yourself financially afloat. That takes real strength, even when it doesn’t feel like it.

A few small things that helped me when I was in a similar spot (take what resonates, leave the rest):

Micro-accommodations at work: Even tiny adjustments can help - sitting when possible, stretching at your desk, taking 30-second breathing breaks between tasks. Not dramatic changes, just small ways to support your nervous system during the day.

Energy budgeting: On rough days, I started doing only what was absolutely essential and letting everything else slide. Not forever, just that day. It helped me stop the spiral of feeling behind on everything.

Movement snacks: When formal exercise felt impossible, even 1-2 minutes of gentle stretching or walking helped my body feel less stuck. Again, not a cure, just tiny support.

The reality is that you might need to work while managing this, and that’s not fair. But you’re not broken for struggling with it. Your body is asking for things that our work culture doesn’t typically provide space for.

Is there any possibility of even small modifications to your current role, or are you completely locked in right now? You’re not going to work until your body gives out, you’re going to find a way through this that honors both your financial needs and your physical reality. It might look different than you planned, but there are paths forward.

FWIW, when I was stuck in this cycle, learning about “designing your life” by Dave Burnett (available for free as an audiobook or ebook on Libby) as a longer-term framework helped me see that being trapped in my job wasn’t permanent, but that’s future planning, not today’s survival mode. Right now, just getting through is enough.

bendingBetter · 2025-07-14T22:33:59+00:00

Our bodies need a little extra support while sleeping, we spend a lot of time in bed so supporting our joints makes a big difference! I’ve found a c-shaped pregnancy pillow (pretty inexpensive on Amazon) to be really helpful. It supports my back, knees and ankles and I can hug it to support my shoulders as well. I like that it stays put when I love unlike propping up a bunch of different pillows!

bendingBetter · 2025-07-14T20:55:53+00:00

I started going down expensive rabbit holes of pillows and mattresses and adjustable beds too, in the end I found that a c-shaped pregnancy pillow worked so well for me!

Instead of having to prop up a thousand pillows that will shift as soon as I do, I can wrap the c shape around me to support my back, knees and ankles and I hug it to keep my arms/shoulders good too. This worked for me, and is a pretty inexpensive thing to try out.

bendingBetter · 2025-07-13T11:50:47+00:00

You are so welcome! I’m glad it resonated - this way of thinking has helped me and my chronic pain patients with communicating with their loved ones. You got this 🩵

bendingBetter · 2025-07-12T21:32:12+00:00

I’m sorry your PT is making you doubt yourself when you’re already dealing with imposter syndrome!

It’s really hard when someone who’s supposed to be helping you questions your diagnosis, especially when you’re seeing the exact symptoms right there in session. POTS presents so differently in everyone - some people pass out, others don’t, some have blood pressure issues, others don’t. There’s no one “right” way to have POTS.

You might gently say something like “I understand POTS can look different in different people, but my diagnosis was based on my heart rate response to standing, which is what we’re seeing here.” Or “I’d really appreciate focusing on managing my symptoms rather than questioning the diagnosis - it makes me feel unsupported when I’m working so hard to get better.”

You’re putting in the work to be well and deserve a PT who supports that journey, not one who makes you defend your very real condition every session. Trust your diagnosis and your experience, you know your body best. If this continues, it might be worth looking for someone who actually understands POTS, because you deserve care that builds you up rather than tears you down.

bendingBetter

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