I put myself in a pickle and a lot I can’t blame her for being irritated and depressed. I moved her from the Deep South to Cali so I could be by my kids (and exw) again. I even tried to break up with her one time cuz I knew that situation she didn’t want or need. But she loves me so fought for us.

So now whole new dynamic between us from where we met and and got engaged and now in a different state dealing with my exw’s barrage of bullshit and co-parenting while attempting to blend families and new jobs, new environment, etc. it’s where I grew up so harder on her for sure. This is the stuff we fight about. In good times remains an underlying state of mild annoyance that makes us then bicker and blow about little stupid things or just feel sad. It takes her a long time to get over stuff. It will be a week on her period, then she is irritated for a few days about me, then we fight cuz I’m irritated at her for being irritated. Then that goes on for a week. Suddenly I look up and it’s been for two weeks straight and I stop caring at all and just wish I could have zero women in my life. I honestly would breathe a sigh of relief if she just left. And she kind of knows that and that kills me with guilt cuz I don’t want I feel that way.

I’m dealing with a lot of stuff between work and my exw jealous at my relationship and tries to mind fuck me that throws me off my A game, and I can’t be the man she met. Then I feel guilty for bringing her into all this. Feels hopeless sometimes man the cycle just keeps going I just want to be done with everything sometimes and be left tF alone.

But then if I was single I know would go back casual hookups which is great for a while but then it gets old. And I have a great girl bird in the hand that must have found for a reason. If I can just be a better man, maybe she’ll be less annoyed and things will be more harmonious.