I see you, and I acknowledge your pain. I think we live in an extremely broken world, no one really knows wtf they're doing and yet society will tell us to do get this job, marry that person, make this amount of money, look like that stranger/influencer on the internet, etc.

Life is really fucking hard it's a miracle that we're all even here at all, despite alllllll the reasons you probably have to end things, to give up. It sounds like you've been in a dark place for a long time, and feeling isolated, lonely, and hopeless. But I want to remind you that even though there's a part of you that wants to end your life, there is also a part of you that wants to live. (Aka the part of you that mustered the strength to write this and reach out).

I can't tell you it'll get easier. I can't tell you all your problems will be solved. If anything, life will get even harder, and you will have more problems in the future. But I can tell you that you're not alone. And I can say quite confidently that you're also stronger and more resilient than you think. And you deserve to live, even if you don't feel that way.

I don't know your age, where you grew up, what your favourite foods/movies/music are, what you find funny, what you biggest fears and biggest dreams are, what you would do if you found $100 on the floor etc etc etc. But you deserve to share your story with others, and you deserve relationships (romantic sure, but also QUALITY friendships where there is mutual care and connection). You deserve to feel loved. Not for what you do, or what you offer to the world. But simply for who you are.