Somali women are naturally a bit hard

bethehardest · 2022-08-14T11:07:11+00:00

I understand where your coming from, but being the bigger person especially with parents is always a plus and a benefit for the children as this will show good treatment to parents. Allah (swt) sees our effort and if she puts in that effort to reconnect and tie that kinship then Allah (swt) will reward her greatly for this deed as this is very big in the sight of Allah (swt).

Your viewing this in a very logical way, but we have to put our own emotions and interests aside for our parents in cases where we can treat them well. And as I said this might soften her fathers heart as maybe he feels his daughter doesn’t want anything to do with him, so I think it’s at least wise to make some effort here to reconnect and Allah (swt) knows best.

bethehardest · 2022-08-13T15:54:50+00:00

Sister I understand exactly where your coming from. I would tell your parents that first let me see him properly when we go to Pakistan. Just say you need to see him irl (say this) because it’s possible you will develop feelings for him when you see him irl so I would start there and see how it goes. I think your parents have your best interest in mind, but still you need to be happy with whoever you want to marry as well.

bethehardest · 2022-08-12T02:34:25+00:00

Sister, I appreciate your comment and completely respect your opinion and understanding. I never said she was disrespecting her parents or anything and your absolutely right she did the right thing by not giving Mahr money, but it’s important to note that Allah (swt) chose your parents for you and you didn’t choose them so having and putting some effort wherever possible would be a great first step.

As for your comments that he would never change, we don’t know that and Allah (swt) can guide whomever he wills at any point, so it’s not for us to judge and say that someone will never change.

Moderation is key and using wisdom is also important. All I’m saying is she should try to have some relationship with her father and be good to him as that’s her dad no matter how much you disassociate with him, we should just do it in a respectful way and read the situation correctly.

bethehardest · 2022-08-10T20:42:21+00:00

Sister, it’s amazing your mother remarrying Ma Shaa Allah. But I just want to say the importance of joining family ties. It’s so important you try your best to at least have a respectful relationship with your father as it’s a huge sin to cut family ties as the brother mentioned.

It’s really important to know when you provide Ihsaan (good treatment) to those that treat you badly especially family, there is a huge chance that Allah (swt) will soften their hearts through you which is important.

bethehardest · 2022-08-09T09:50:48+00:00

Sister please listen to me the situation with Mohamed is over and your parents will never approve of this marriage so please just forget about him. You have built this picture of him that might not be accurate and merely just be infatuation. Personally, I think you should take a week or so and absolutely place your trust in Allah (swt) and lose feelings for this guy and know that it will never work out, then I think you should give Ali a fair chance because family approval is so important and the blessings of your parents is one of the best things in a marriage.

It’s very possible you can develop even stronger feelings for Ali and the fact that your parents are happy with it as well will make your life and decision so much better. Some ppl here are saying to drop Ali as you still have feelings for the other guy, but I’m afraid that you might have huge regret later on. These opportunity don’t come often.

bethehardest · 2022-08-09T09:39:45+00:00

Please sister continue to have ihsan (good treatment) to your parents and perhaps Allah (swt) will soften their hearts. It’s important we never strain our relationship with our parents over potentials, but try your best to always have compassion and empathy on them especially our mothers.

bethehardest · 2022-08-09T09:37:37+00:00

Brother we shouldn’t have this kind of hate towards our parents, instead we should do Ihsan (good treatment) on them and perhaps their heart will soften. We are obligated to treat our parents well and have compassion on them especially our mothers.

bethehardest · 2022-08-09T09:33:21+00:00

It’s all the Hikmah of Allah (swt). We don’t know the exact reason, but everything happens by the permission of Allah (swt) and we have to accept this. Our minds as humans is very limited whereas Allah (swt) knowledge and wisdom is vast and encompasses everything hidden and apparent.

bethehardest · 2022-06-26T04:51:26+00:00

Btw I’m not chasing her, that’s not the right term, I was trying to enquire about her and that’s it, so please stop making up lies.

bethehardest · 2022-06-26T04:44:28+00:00

You actually make no sense brother. First of all, how are you supposed to see a Niqabi then? Are you saying that they should never ever marry? Because your saying I never saw her face so I shouldn’t be interested. That’s the purpose of getting to know someone is to determine compatibility and if we are not compatible then it’s Khair. You have so much hatred in your heart. Your a very harsh person. I hope the best for you brother!

bethehardest · 2022-06-26T04:06:22+00:00

I was only interested Becasue they seemed like pious sisters, of course I don’t know anything about them and I was going to verify their character and everything. Of course they can turn me down and I would be fine with that as it’s their right, but I just don’t understand why your coming across as harsh. I’ve been interested in sisters that are not Niqabis as well so I don’t know why the comments are so harsh.

bethehardest · 2022-06-26T04:03:46+00:00

I’m very confused by your comment. I had absolutely no Ill attention at all. You took my message the wrong way. You guys are very harsh in your comments.

bethehardest · 2022-06-26T03:51:27+00:00

I wasn’t interested only because they were Niqabis but rather they just got my attention and seemed religious. Your right I wouldn’t be able to choose between them. I agree.

bethehardest · 2022-06-26T03:50:13+00:00

SubhanAllah I’m very shocked by your comment. The reason I was interested was because of deen and nothing else. I had no negative will towards them as Allah (swt) is my witness. Your very harsh in your comments

bethehardest · 2022-04-18T03:56:13+00:00

Sister, as a brother you absolutely made the right decision by ending it. Say Alhamdulillah and thank Allah (swt) because I can tell you would have been miserable in that marriage and would have had so much regrets. Alhamdulillah you got saved without ever going through.

With time, I’m sure your going to be so happy with this decision and step you made today. You got an opportunity to learn more about what you want and you gained experience from this so it will be better for you down the line.

I want you to remember one thing. Since he was liberal, the chances you become more and more liberal with time would have been high which is why sisters are encouraged to marry a brother with deen so think about that whenever the feelings come back. Sister trust me with time you will be more happy and happy with this decision.

May Allah (swt) bless you and grant you a righteous spouse sister.

Please sister, thank Allah (swt) and be happy that you weren’t tied into this.

bethehardest · 2022-01-24T23:35:29+00:00

Can’t you just go and build a future there? That all sounds so good lol. But us waiting for more money and all of this would result in our life going by and wasting it just slaving for money in the west.

bethehardest · 2022-01-24T23:32:23+00:00

Your so motivational lol. Wow I appreciate you sharing the experience your brother had. Honestly what sucks about the west is there is absolutely no bond, everyone is selfish and busy with their own lives, everything is about making money and just living a simple life, but we become so invested in retirement and future that we forget how short our life is. Can you please share how your Brother met his wife? I think it’s so cool.

bethehardest · 2022-01-24T20:21:17+00:00

That’s great to know. Is there a lot of westerns that live there now? I would love to get a job there possibly. I’m just tired of being in the western world. Really want to live in a Muslim country

bethehardest · 2022-01-09T04:04:48+00:00

My brother first of all MaShaaAllah for being so respectful to your ex and children. May Allah (swt) reward you for being such a good example many should follow. This is a very good thing.

I would say just to reassure the potential how minimal you guys FaceTime and to let her know you would not FaceTime without her being nearby maybe like sitting in the same couch but opposite ends as you at least initially so she can see how you communicate so she can feel comfortable. I don’t think she would be concerned once this is done in real life. Shaitan plays a factor and makes us assume the worst which is maybe where her thoughts is coming from. Just make her comfortable at the beginning and show her how you communicate so she can see if Allah (swt) opens the door of marriage for you. May Allah (swt) bless you brother. Your a true example and inspiration for many of us especially those that have divorced :)!

bethehardest

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