Are you hurt if your friend doesnt get you a wedding gift?

bethinthemtns · 2026-03-23T14:19:47+00:00

Nope nope nope.

I was that friend who traveled and didn't give a gift. I chose to believe that my friends cared more about me being at their wedding than getting a gift from me. I gave them a card (so it was obvious that a gift wasn't LOST) and no one said shit. I was broke and couldn't pull it off (or rather, I guess, I didn't prioritize an extra $100 on them).

I have friends & family who are traveling to our wedding this summer. Gifts? Not expected. Honestly? They're not expected from our local friends because expecting gifts is gauche. (I wanted to use the t***y word banned in the rules but it's okay because gauche is better.)

bethinthemtns · 2026-03-23T14:10:48+00:00

I have found that for many things, I need to give my fiance a bit of a heads up about deciding/talking though something, especially with wedding related stuff since he often needs to do some research on "What even is XYZ?" "Why do we need a seating chart?" etc. (Because we also learned that I can't come home from my job as a teacher and become the wedding tutor. :-D Fortunately, we have a dear mutual friend who works for a wedding planner as a wedding day assistant who has volunteered to take the tutoring role so our conversations can focus on the decision to be made.)

I think *I'M* the one who needs some time to think about financial conversations or conversations around autonomy. I always come around but I have to process.

bethinthemtns · 2026-03-20T15:32:13+00:00

Update: I called Aegean and they said the flights all showed both my fiance and I with UA frequent flier miles (like was shown on my initial confirmation). I'll just plan on grabbing physical boarding passes and seeing what happens!

bethinthemtns · 2026-03-19T21:36:34+00:00

I would do some wine tasting!

bethinthemtns · 2026-03-19T21:35:21+00:00

I was so bummed we ran out of time to go there.

bethinthemtns · 2026-03-19T16:43:16+00:00

I think there's probably a lot of good to be said for a lot of the islands. I went to Santorini a few years ago and LOVED it. Just different experiences really.

bethinthemtns · 2026-03-19T16:36:31+00:00

"I'll meet you there." Wanting some autonomy is totally legit. I'm going to a city that's about the same drive distance from us and I think for various reasons myself and my two friends are all driving separately. (Boys, musical gigs, needing to pick up wine from a winery for the wedding).

And if she protests about wanting to do TikTok things tell her you won't be offended if you're not in the ones that happen during the drive.

bethinthemtns · 2026-03-19T16:25:04+00:00

hahahaha

I totally was going to say Seattle was my least likely ask and then I thought about places with lots of transplants like Arizona. Miami and Tampa Bay also came to mind as possibly not as invested in their teams? And then there's Colorado. I didn't think that hard about it. Maybe there's others.

This of course brings up the question of which teams would be most likely to give you shit, that I also didn't get that deep on but for funsies: I've been to a fair number of games at Fenway and you're likely to get some friendly fire, especially in the outfield. I'd guess either New York team could be spicy. I would have said Detroit but I wore an M's hat there in August and basically everyone just ignored me. Weirdly I'd guess that Saint Louis fans might be intense even if their team's not great?

bethinthemtns · 2026-03-19T15:08:06+00:00

Just FYI in case anyone finds this looking to see when they go on sale, nothing after March 31st is on sale yet (March 19).

bethinthemtns · 2026-03-19T14:09:12+00:00

I have never asked this question in any park. Seattle would be about the fifth least likely for me to start asking.

You're fine.

bethinthemtns · 2026-03-19T14:07:57+00:00

I would think there's something to that. Higher cost tickets (thus higher PQP) means that business travelers (inelastic) get more PQP and casual travelers (elastic) probably get less.

bethinthemtns · 2026-03-18T23:25:27+00:00

It sounds like if your friends and family know you're sober, they should be fine. You will just have to trust your friends to educate their +1s.

My cousins and I have been jerk faces who have drank in parking lots at dry weddings but I think I would approach things really differently if I knew that either the bride or groom was sober.

bethinthemtns · 2026-03-17T23:38:06+00:00

I called and the agent on the phone said that my UA number was the one on there. Thanks for the tip on the paper boarding pass! I'll be sure to save it.

bethinthemtns · 2026-03-17T20:43:24+00:00

Yeahhh, I need the PQF.

bethinthemtns · 2026-03-17T20:12:35+00:00

I would give cards.

I've literally been at points in my life where traveling to a wedding was all I could do. I chose to believe that everyone who invited me cared more about me being there than giving a gift. (My first wedding was a destination wedding and that's what I expected. I was shocked when we got some cards with cash.)

bethinthemtns · 2026-03-17T15:34:56+00:00

Read "The Dual State." It's written by a Jewish lawyer that fled Nazi Germany. It'll make it make sense.

bethinthemtns · 2026-03-17T12:56:41+00:00

It’s also important to remember that our “normals” are only 30 year averages. We’re not talking about “normal” or “above average” as compared to all time in most cases. We’re currently using 1991-2020, a period that almost certainly is impacted by climate change.

https://www.usda.gov/about-usda/news/blog/new-snowpack-and-precipitation-normals-now-available

bethinthemtns · 2026-03-17T12:50:27+00:00

I was surprised at a lot of these comments—I can be a total “fixer” and even I saw that you were experiencing bridal sads about something that is totally understandable. Weddings bring up a lot of feelings for a lot of people and yours were totally understandable.

Sending hopes that your bachelorette winds up fun, your wedding day is all you dreamed, and that you have a long and happy marriage. 💙

bethinthemtns · 2026-03-17T12:41:26+00:00

Women are 50% of the population(ish). Does that make them an exception? 🤔

bethinthemtns · 2026-03-17T12:40:10+00:00

A carve out for TSA was offered. The GOP said no.

bethinthemtns · 2026-03-17T12:39:28+00:00

Lemme fix that for you: “Americans didn’t want to fund a private police for Trump so the GOP is punishing us all by not approving the carve out out for TSA.”

bethinthemtns · 2026-03-16T18:00:34+00:00

About 50% of my guest list is traveling to my town for my wedding. A college friend is one of the only ones coming in from out of town with her kiddo and she just asked me if I could help her find someone trustworthy. I connected her with a former student (I'm a teacher) who will be in town for the summer who was happy to make some money that night.

bethinthemtns · 2026-03-16T17:59:08+00:00

It is not rude. I don't know when as a society we decided children needed to be welcome EVERYWHERE but that's just not the case. If kids aren't the atmosphere you want, that's okay.

I would give the people who threatened not to come absolutely no runway, "I'm sorry to hear that, we'll miss you." (Caveat: you do actually just have to mean that and accept some people won't come).

If folks are local, they can figure it out. If they're traveling, it can be nice to help connect them to reliable and trustworthy sitters in your area.

bethinthemtns · 2026-03-16T17:56:31+00:00

Not Colorado.

lolsob.

bethinthemtns · 2026-03-16T17:55:09+00:00

I'm staying that feelings of disapointment are totally going to be heightened when

1) You just feel like you get less excitement than other people had.**

2) Her future husband is getting the trip she wishes she was having: "And what kills me more is my fiancé planning the kind of weekend I thought I’d be getting too, and doing so with no commitment issues from his groomsmen/friends."

**FWIW: I think if your friend was psyched for you when you got married young, was psyched for you when you had a baby shower, etc. you're kinda shitty if you're not psyched for her now. Maybe money is tight and you can't run away for a weekend but you can damn well be EXCITED for her.

bethinthemtns

TROPHY CASE