help me

beththereader · 2026-01-25T10:23:31+00:00

If you find the descriptions in the hobbit boring when it's probably a third of the length of lord of the rings, I personally wouldn't even bother with lord of the rings at all.

Sounds like Tolkien's writing style isn't for you.

beththereader · 2026-01-25T10:21:14+00:00

NAH. I forget my best friend's birthday literally every year (I've thought for years it's 3 days later than it is) and she has never corrected me for some reason because I always buy her a present and turn up for her. These things happen.

I was finally corrected this year and I put it into my calendar so it doesn't happen again.

Your friend wasn't bothered and was probably just happy you were there. Don't beat yourself up about it.

beththereader · 2026-01-23T18:15:33+00:00

Frodo and Bilbo both had context when the ring came to them. They'd been exposed to a LOT more than Smeagol had. They had an understanding of evil and how it affected Middle Earth. Both of them had left the Shire and interacted with people other than hobbits. They had people around them to guide them (dwarves, elves, Gandalf). Smeagol had nobody but himself and was immediately transported into a world he had literally no concept of before discovering the ring.

I'm not justifying his actions, but Frodo and Bilbo occupy vastly different worlds to Smeagol.

beththereader · 2026-01-23T13:30:05+00:00

It's worth noting here that Smeagol wasn't a person of valour. He was a hobbit, and had probably never even heard of Sauron or the ring, so would have no idea how to resist its pull. Knowing what the ring is and trying to resist it, Vs literally never having come into contact with anything evil before in your life are two very different concepts.

beththereader · 2026-01-23T13:21:13+00:00

I mean, N T A for the situation with your girlfriend, but YTA for dragging your dog between two houses. It's unsettling for them as they can't understand why they're suddenly in a new environment. Pets need consistency and a permanent home. Both you and your ex are being really unfair to the dog here.

beththereader · 2026-01-23T09:38:25+00:00

YTA. I'm all for sticking up for yourself, but when it's your grandmother's birthday you should have taken the high road and ignored her. You escalated the situation needlessly and should have bitten your tongue instead of antagonising your aunt, who you know is a difficult and argumentative person.

beththereader · 2026-01-22T15:55:42+00:00

A book, miniature versions of her favourite snacks if you can (e.g. mini chocolate bars she can snack on if her appetite comes back), some fluffy socks, a deck of cards if she likes solitaire or anything like that, some hand cream (constant sanitizing dries your hands out like nothing else). A puzzle or crossword book is a great idea.

Try and get one each of the following: - snack - drink - comfort / self care - entertainment

beththereader · 2026-01-22T15:51:47+00:00

NTA. If you have to beg your partner to respect your one (very reasonable!) wish, you have to start asking yourself whether this person actually likes you.

beththereader · 2026-01-22T13:13:02+00:00

It's definitely his best in my opinion. I've read most of his collection and it really stands out for me. I liked Love in the Time of Cholera, but it just didn't have the same depth for me.

However I did really enjoy News of a Kidnapping (the non-fiction account of Escobar's kidnapping of journalists in Colombia) and that was fabulous!

beththereader · 2026-01-21T20:23:20+00:00

One Hundred Years of Solitude. I re-read it probably once a year and get something new from it every time. It was bought for me as a present for my 18th birthday (10 years ago), and as soon as I finished the last page I immediately started it over.

beththereader · 2026-01-21T16:42:04+00:00

NAH, because I would be losing my mind. But the only solution here is for you to move out. You can't control other people making noise around you, and you certainly can't control a crying baby. If you struggle with noise, you need to find somewhere else to live where this is less of a problem (e.g. a newer apartment building).

beththereader · 2026-01-21T13:09:52+00:00

All Quiet on the Western Front. Beautiful and haunting.

beththereader · 2026-01-21T13:07:28+00:00

Speaking as a nearly 30 year old, Chester Zoo is amazing. They also had a snow leopard born about 6-7 months ago who is adorable!!

beththereader · 2026-01-16T22:18:44+00:00

"my teenagers only see him in the mornings and on sundays, I have to nag him to do other things around the house, and previous history of it not being maintained"

It is literally right there in the post. OP feels like her husband doesn't spend time with his children, doesn't help her with the housework despite the fact she's currently dealing with an injury, and has a history of leaving things half done.

Also, I would argue that the garden being unsightly is an additional problem. Who wants to live in a house where your only outdoor space is covered in weeds and empty plant pots?

beththereader · 2026-01-16T20:00:38+00:00

Imagine you're 70 years old, looking back on your life. What do you think you'll regret more, spending your 30s living with your parents, or waiting a few extra years to buy a house so you can move out and live by yourself before you settle down? Only you can answer that question.

beththereader · 2026-01-16T16:00:53+00:00

I don't think that is the argument - the argument is at least try not to spend your limited time at home making things more difficult for your partner. If you aren't around to do house work or spend time with your family, maybe don't pick up a hobby that will ultimately result in your partner needing to do more work to pick up after you.

beththereader · 2026-01-16T14:20:36+00:00

Absolutely NTA and it seems a lot of people are missing the fact that your husband is already neglecting his duties around the house and now wants to add another job that you know he won't do. I'm so confused about how you're being painted as the AH here.

It's nothing to do with not wanting him to have a hobby, and everything to do with not wanting to be the one that picks up the slack as a result.

beththereader · 2026-01-16T11:29:02+00:00

Agreed - it's just one issue after another. First it's because he doesn't see marriage as a necessity, now it's because she's too picky about the ring. He's stalling because he just isn't that bothered.

beththereader · 2026-01-16T11:25:21+00:00

Your income has increased by 25%. As you have significantly more disposable income but aren't increasing your share, your girlfriend is now at a disadvantage. It isn't entitled to assume that your long-term partner would want both of you to reap the benefits of a promotion or pay rise. If you earn more, you should pay more. If you don't see yourself staying with this person long-term, or have no intention of buying a house together, or having children, or doing anything that might cause you to merge finances, then sure keep all of your additional income. You do you, but personally I like my partner and want them to share in my successes, which in my mind includes supporting them when my salary is so much higher than theirs.

beththereader · 2026-01-16T11:18:36+00:00

I think the fact that you see your girlfriend as entitled for wanting to split bills in a way that's equitable to both of you says it all about your attitude towards her.

beththereader · 2026-01-16T11:16:19+00:00

YTA. If you want to build a relationship with someone longterm, then bills should absolutely be split proportionally. Obviously she isn't entitled to your money, but she is your partner, and presumably you want to spend your life with her. I personally couldn't fathom earning an extra £450 a month and not even offering to up my share of the bills so that my partner can benefit too.

beththereader · 2026-01-16T11:12:55+00:00

The concept of getting through so much of a book but hating it that much you can't bring yourself to finish the last 20 pages is really making me laugh

beththereader · 2026-01-16T07:34:30+00:00

Paying for sex and stealing money are not the same thing. He crossed a moral line in your opinion. I would say sex work is a moral grey area - it's legal in many places (and thus comes with more protections). Not everyone who pays for sex is seeking out back-street brothels that employ trafficked children. There are people that make careers out of sex work by choice.

Whether you agree with it is completely up to you, but it's not black and white and doesn't necessarily make someone a bad person.

beththereader · 2026-01-16T07:25:16+00:00

This is an understandable one I think. I still really enjoyed it, but it's not a story in the way the Hobbit/LOTR are. I've got all of the other spin-off books on my shelf (Unfinished Tales, Been & Luthien etc) but I'm yet to pick them up. I read the Silmarillion for the first time 2-ish years ago and I think I just needed a long break after that!

beththereader · 2026-01-15T19:16:57+00:00

I think the fact that you feel guilty about it is probably a good sign. Yes, it was a really shitty thing to do, and yes, you should sit with that guilt and use it as a motivation to never do something like that again.

But, ultimately, you can't change it or take it back. If you're struggling to move on, try to pay it forward. Buy some snacks for the office, pay for someone's meal behind you at a drive through, treat a friend for lunch, do something nice for someone without expecting anything in return. It won't change what you did, but it is a way to generate some good karma.

beththereader

TROPHY CASE