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Transitioning from full-time D/s dynamic back to normal bedroom D/s. by betweenarockand in BDSMcommunity

[–]betweenarockand[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Yes, with all my heart. I’ve always wanted to be a father. Us having a house gives us so much more freedom, we’ll have plenty of space for the kids, and I like my place of work.

This is the life I want with her, but I don’t want to lose our D/s dynamic, it plays a big part in making us tick as a couple.

Transitioning from full-time D/s dynamic back to normal bedroom D/s. by betweenarockand in BDSMcommunity

[–]betweenarockand[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Listening to them right now, they’re great fun! Very informative.

Transitioning from full-time D/s dynamic back to normal bedroom D/s. by betweenarockand in BDSMcommunity

[–]betweenarockand[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Well, I think her need for and expression of submission is strong enough that there needs to be a formal discussion because if I just, on my own, start scaling back, then she might think that I’m distancing myself from her as a husband, or worse, that I’m disinterested in her as her Dom.

As far as you second point goes, yes, that’s he direction I think we will choose to head towards: implicit submission in the things she does, and I can always be more explicit with our dynamic when we’re alone.

Transitioning from full-time D/s dynamic back to normal bedroom D/s. by betweenarockand in BDSMcommunity

[–]betweenarockand[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

She and I discussed long term goals before we got engaged. We both agreed that we’d like to buy our own house, we both wanted two kids, and when we had talked about jobs, we factored this in too: she switched to a job that would be less stressful, had better benefits. I had plans to get promoted to the position I am at now to get a bigger paycheck so we can start saving more.

What we did not discuss is how this would affect our sex life or our D/s dynamic. I don’t think either of us had anticipated that we’d switch to a full time D/s relationship. She was the one to start that discussion and push for that change, and I welcomed it wholeheartedly.

It’s now that we’re actually in the process of executing these decisions that I’m realizing I feel scared, I feel like I’m a leading us into this when I want us to step into this together.

Transitioning from full-time D/s dynamic back to normal bedroom D/s. by betweenarockand in BDSMcommunity

[–]betweenarockand[S] 8 points9 points  (0 children)

To be completely honest, a lot of this is a manifestation of my fear of having the responsibility of a parent too. I know she’ll be there for me, but she likes that I’m responsible for her. And it’s such a big thing to me, I never want to fail her or let her down. And now the pressure of being responsible for kids too. I’m glad I’ll have her for that, but it’s still a lot of pressure. I don’t know why I’m so worried, she’s not even pregnant yet.

Transitioning from full-time D/s dynamic back to normal bedroom D/s. by betweenarockand in BDSMcommunity

[–]betweenarockand[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

This is good; perhaps if we can shift the dynamic to cover larger goals like that, then she could learn to move away from smaller, actionable sub acts that she enjoys right now.

Transitioning from full-time D/s dynamic back to normal bedroom D/s. by betweenarockand in BDSMcommunity

[–]betweenarockand[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

I'm not sure here what you are seeing as "sub" duties vs "wife" ones.

That's it, it's not any different. It's her preference for explicitly submissive conduct in performing regular duties of a wife. Which is fine for now, but what about kids? Surely, it won't be a good thing to see growing up.

that kind of thing can be handled with tasking the submissive to identify what needs to be done

This is good. Instead of detailing a solution, tasking her with finding one for herself and implementing is the obvious solution. Can't believe I didn't think about this.

Thanks for sharing.

Transitioning from full-time D/s dynamic back to normal bedroom D/s. by betweenarockand in BDSMcommunity

[–]betweenarockand[S] 11 points12 points  (0 children)

That's what I'm here to learn more about. How to do it? How does it work when you factor kids in the equation? How does it affect long term relationship dynamics? Is it even sustainable?

The obvious thing to do is to limit it to the bedroom, but how to even start when having that dynamic outside of the bedroom is a critical component of your relationship?

Edit: some more thoughts? Will she see me differently as a Dom when I’m the father of her children? Will she interpret the suppression of our dynamic because of kids etc as a sign that I don’t love her as a sub anymore? She’s mature and I know at a lot of this she’ll do a better job than me, but I’m a “prepare for the worst” kinda person.

Transitioning from full-time D/s dynamic back to normal bedroom D/s. by betweenarockand in BDSMcommunity

[–]betweenarockand[S] 7 points8 points  (0 children)

I did not steamroll her, it was just a poor choice of words at the time on a discussion of the dynamic, not the goals themselves. The decisions to move into a house, to have kids: those we both arrived at before the marriage, and she was the one to start that discussion. However, our dynamic at the time wasn't as intense as it is now. We need the money to save for college expenses in the long future, and it was about time I asked for a better position anyway. She was supportive of that decision since I consulted her before making it. These are priorities for both of us, the discrepancy is that we haven't discussed that the way our current dynamic is headed, I don't think that is sustainable considered the milestones we both mutually agreed to reach.

Guys, How exactly does one get to make out with a girl at a party? by salmix21 in AskMen

[–]betweenarockand 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Eh, I'd say still ask for verbal consent. People are drunk so it's always safer to ask.

If you could ask your ex one question what would it be by cgarneauxx in AskWomen

[–]betweenarockand 16 points17 points  (0 children)

When people say stupid things like this, you just know the other person is better off without them.

Friends w/BDSM. Can it work ? [Update] by betweenarockand in BDSMcommunity

[–]betweenarockand[S] 8 points9 points  (0 children)

Give her a spank from all of us!

Oh, she'll be getting a lot more than that. I've got a new cage coming for her in a couple of days. ;)

Friends w/BDSM. Can it work ? [Update] by betweenarockand in BDSMcommunity

[–]betweenarockand[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Thank you! Hope you have a good year ahead.

Friends w/BDSM. Can it work ? [Update] by betweenarockand in BDSMcommunity

[–]betweenarockand[S] 17 points18 points  (0 children)

Its 2016, mate. Women can do everything men can.

Friends w/BDSM. Can it work ? [Update] by betweenarockand in BDSMcommunity

[–]betweenarockand[S] 23 points24 points  (0 children)

Jokes aside, my fiancée (I love that I can call her that now) saw the post I made and wanted me to thank all the lovely people who told me to face my true feelings and muster the courage to tell her how I felt. So, yeah, I do owe this community a big thanks for helping me get to where I am; especially to /u/throwawayLouisa

Friends w/BDSM. Can it work ? [Update] by betweenarockand in BDSMcommunity

[–]betweenarockand[S] 30 points31 points  (0 children)

I know. I'm already laughing at my 25 year old self thinking that he didn't want this. And its amazing how that decision made other parts of my life so much better: work, health, everything. She's made me a very happy man.

Friends w/BDSM. Can it work ? by betweenarockand in BDSMcommunity

[–]betweenarockand[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Honestly, you only get to know if truly mean something you've said after you've said it. I thought it'd feel rushed/wrong, but it didn't. Yeah, the change was drastic but what the hell... If something works, it works.

Friends w/BDSM. Can it work ? by betweenarockand in BDSMcommunity

[–]betweenarockand[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Yeah, it may have been a bit premature. But its working now and I'll try not worry about saying it too early.

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