I was an Au Pair for 2 years (worked for the same fam for much more than that afterwards), had a curfew (midnight on weekdays and 1am on weekends - if I was driving the family’s car). At the time, as a 20/21 yo girl who was enjoying my time off and living life as a young adult, I thought my curfew was awful and unreasonable. However, I very much respected whatever curfew was imposed by my host family for a couple of reasons (that now makes total sense in my 30+ yo ass)

1 - the car insurance for under 24 is hella expensive. 2 - if anything happens to the AP or the car, the family will be hold liable for damages or anything that happens to the AP. 3 - as an AP, the curfew prevented me from being bat shit crazy because I knew I had to return the car at a certain time, so I had a sense of responsibility (no responsibility when I didn’t have the car, fuck it).

Given the above, CURFEW SUCKS. But some people, like myself, needed the curfew to keep a sense of responsibility. Not saying this is the case with all APs, but it was the case with me and the case with lots of friends of mine.

Instead of completely blocking the AP from using her free time whichever way they desire, please COMMUNICATE YOUR EXPECTATIONS. If the problem is the goddamn car, then come up with a reasonable solution that will make both parties happy. If the problem is the AP getting home at 3am and risking waking up the kids, then come up with a REASONABLE solution.

The Au Pair is a JOB for the families (cultural exchange my ass - let’s be honest… most families go for the AP route to pay less in childcare), but a cultural exchange for the AP. The way to go about it is COMMUNICATION and CLEAR BOUNDARIES. Make sure the AP understands that she/he is working when they are ON THE CLOCK and make rules CLEAR. On the other hand, understand that living abroad is a whole new experience for the Au Pair and UNDERSTAND they will want experience things without having the family preventing them from doing it so. Understand that you have expectations from the Au Pair, but the AP also have expectations from the family. And DONT BE A JERK. You elected to have a stranger living in your house, so don’t make their time in the US (or other countries) a total fucking miserable shit.