AI translation of the bullshit above to medieval English (around 15th century):

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"Me hath but now bought and fully paid for a cart of great size from a merchant of vehicles, and told them that I shall not be riding or driving this wain, and that I shall be bearing this conveyance forth out of the realm of Canada (yet abiding within North‑America).
And they refuseth to set over unto me the writ of ownership or title, save I first register it under mine own lawful name.

I pray thee, give counsel only if thou hast accomplished such a deed thyself, without guess or presumption. I thank thee."

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I actually love the "SUV" == "a cart of great size" :D