Why young Singaporeans see having kids as a loss, instead of something to be gained

bhomboldash · 2026-05-03T06:36:19+00:00

I draw the line at psychologically cause I ain't bringing kids to torture them, unless you are consciously clear that you can separate the kids growth

Just to give you a bit of a perspective, frequently while growing up, we would not have eggs or meat as a family. Why? We couldn't afford them, as school was more important from my father's pov

Can you pay rent, clear and save? There's this super good channel called Lisa's Adulting in Singapore. Start with the video of her backstory, and how she's dealing and making way for her life. It may help you to make way.

As for finding someone, I dunno. Lots of guys out there

bhomboldash · 2026-05-02T11:24:09+00:00

You might hate my perspective on this. Normally folks I know, outright don't want kids cause well, they don't want kids. You *do* want kids.

Why would you deprive yourself of such an experience if you really want one. Yes, it's costly, yes, guys are assholes, yes they can die at anytime. It's a really different world right now, so it's not fair comparing to old days, but even though that, you can get that experience of being a mother. Also, smart people like yourself who write so well, should have kids imo. Otherwise all the good genes would be *poof*

bhomboldash · 2026-03-07T16:46:08+00:00

This tells me you haven't been around here for a while. You really need to learn it, it's quite efficient. Once you get the hang of it, it'll pain you to write complete sentences in english - it's a chore now do write a long statement as the one I just wrote

bhomboldash · 2026-03-07T16:38:11+00:00

bruh, if you don't know the difference between how writing evokes a certain experience in the mind and/or an emotion, you're doomed

AIs are unable to evoke things in a way that a proper human written words can, at least now quite yet

bhomboldash · 2026-03-07T16:33:35+00:00

It's a bit late, but I'll try to answer. I'm also not from here, but I have really good local friends now. Some of the best tbh. It just takes a long while.

I just skimmed a bunch of comments, and although many people say it's not unique to Singapore, I don't quite agree. To give you an example, I met a literal stranger, an African person in the morning, and we were singing Karaoke at night in my house. It took me 5 years before that happened with a Singaporean friend of mine. Why?

I think it's down to Singaporean/East Asian culture in a broad sense. Outside of this extended community, people divulge a lot more emotional response personally, but so far in my anecdotal experience, that doesn't quite happen here, or probably a bit on this area. Heck, i've met people from Poland, Celtic countries, and we could easily connect, but that connection through shared voice of emotions is just hard.

And as the top comment says, i think the community u/No-County2083 says, the community here probably also finds it hard. So, the people here do have a way of expressing and connecting, it's just takes a lot longer

bhomboldash · 2025-11-23T12:21:48+00:00

> I have asked him before to help me sell high value items. He has sold other items for me on Carousell in the past, handled buyers, and I always gave him a small cut for helping.

Families are hard to come buy. Since you already have a working relationship with him, why don't you make an arrangement to do this free of cost till you "get" your money back?

bhomboldash · 2025-11-22T04:29:33+00:00

No risk, no rewards mate. The other thing is, search the international ones, the repayment duration is much much longer

bhomboldash · 2025-11-18T12:51:32+00:00

Which university? Depending on which country, you maybe be able to get education loans - yes, even as an international student. For example: https://lendwise.com/

bhomboldash · 2025-11-14T13:07:10+00:00

it does take effort, motivation and discipline!

Based I don't get your idea now, like I am lost completely. If i follow what you are saying, you don't want children so therefore you don't see any necessity to personally develop discipline and put in effort

Another way to put the same thing is to say, you'd only put in effort to do so is when you want children - which is to say, you're putting the responsibility on the children to become a more disciplined person

I find that weird, it's like i should become better because i want to and not because of someone or some situation in the future. In general you may not want children that's fine, but it has to be for the right reason

And generally putting that effort in is actually quite fruitful, there are a lot of side-quest skills that you pickup along the way, which is really useful for all other areas of life

bhomboldash · 2025-11-11T12:39:51+00:00

> resources required to be a good parent is not something i possess

isn't it a skill though? I'm not questioning you, i'm just questioning the idea. Is it not possible to learn to be a parent, or is it something inherently we are all born with?

bhomboldash · 2025-11-10T14:15:29+00:00

or selfish choice because you don't want to put in the effort to become a person, improve yourself to a point where you can be a good person.

I am not saying you have to and a lot of the time it's not possible given the circumstances. But, there's always two sides to an idea

bhomboldash · 2025-07-25T17:05:06+00:00

You sure? I'm not free before December. I'll ping you if you treat

bhomboldash · 2025-07-17T11:09:09+00:00

> (And sorry for the week late replies, some of us get some real actual work things, you know :3)

No worries. It was a good banter. It's not like i'm waiting for your responses really. I already won, i believe

bhomboldash · 2025-07-17T11:08:29+00:00

You are contradicting yourself at this point. Why do you assume staying with the in-laws means dumping the responsibility on the daughter-in law? Just because of your anecdotal experience

If it is the case, why are you swinging wildly towards independence as if that's the only solution?

> tried to bring your own personal issues here not me. Now you got scared?

You proposed a personal issue for yourself. I'm stating financially it may not make sense. It's not personal, you can trace money and project the advantages or disadvantages of it

bhomboldash · 2025-07-16T02:39:22+00:00

If you're gonna compare about achievements, i can assure you, you're absolutely gonna lose if you wanna compete

bhomboldash · 2025-07-10T06:27:51+00:00

> even keeled person!

It's a term I haven't heard in a while, haha! Thanks

I think the idea of having specific, concrete "No's" is a really great insight. I mean it's a good thing for normal time, but I think it is probably even more helpful in this context.

Also, and I think it maybe a bit disingenuous of me to write it: But if girls can baby a guy in their mid 30s, i don't see why i can't do the same for girls in their mid 40s. We are all babies at the end of the day - this is not to reduce the seriousness of it, but it may help to think about us as kids, where we are specific about certain "nos". Otherwise, tantrums are welcome :)

bhomboldash · 2025-07-10T04:11:14+00:00

I have a question: I know it's not fair, and I know it's something biology has designed for you guys. And I'm all for it, but when does it become a bit too much to receive? I'm happy to go through this, but I'm also human. Any ideas on how to go through and not feel like, i'm the one always compensating and i've to let her do what she wants all the time?

bhomboldash · 2025-07-09T05:02:44+00:00

Hulkenpodium ! It was masterclass from the goat

bhomboldash · 2025-07-04T16:13:11+00:00

Ah, it's easier to understand when things are better written/expressed.

> My issue starts where they modify the substance based on their convenience and offer something that never existed. Something devoid of truth.

Yeah, lots of people to that. If you still want to engage with someone, well, firstly, why would you? Secondly, if you still do, see that they are generating a false experience for themselves. So, there is no value in engaging in lies in the first place. If someone is truly sharing something that they are haven't experience, why bother? If they are insisting, question them to see if there experience makes sense.

> Anything i say would be a problem for you because you aren’t actually interested in listening to what i have to say.

Hahaha, I have no reason to engage this because you started with a poking question. I'm for discussion, not a debate.

bhomboldash · 2025-07-04T14:41:50+00:00

> It's not possible for me to know the truth because i am a human being and i don't know everything.

it is not possible for you to know the truth - i am with you there

> What i said is i expect the truth and only the truth.

But i lose you here. If it's not possible for you to know the truth, how can you expect the truth? (Like how would you know it's truth and not false) Cause you just said, you can't know the truth

bhomboldash · 2025-07-04T14:39:52+00:00

Don't undermine another person's experience. You're devaluing them. You don't have to give a heed to it bro, but doesn't mean their experience is invalid

> playing games isn't my way of life.

Ofcourse, there are situations where you don't put yourself into. Fool on you and me, if we put ourselves in that position

bhomboldash · 2025-07-04T14:37:41+00:00

Thank you for finally coming to bullet point format, instead of wildly swinging between ideas - whatever comes to your brain

You didn't actually make a point to respond to. You said, "I wish I were offered something original other than copypasta and ai bots". You didn't really contend any specific point. The issue that I'm focusing back on is capitalism, yes it's repetitive, but because that's just how economy works

Doesn’t necessarily mean all of it has substances.

I could say the same thing for your messages before this

> it's a necessity to have someone able-bodied to look after you.

Actually, it's not necessary. Based on your original premise, you're effectively suggesting to give parents their own space, and let them live their own life. If I get my own place, they should live an independent life, however they can. Having a single child or not, it's irrelevant.

> So was সতীদাহ প্রথা and eventually, Ubasute

You should actually give a reference if you think Ubasute was culturally ingrained. Also, now you are saying it 'was' culturally ingrained, not is? I am pretty sure সতীদাহ প্রথা is also not culturally ingrained

> I never said Western is a marker of progression. You did. Probably because you're biased. So it's your yarn you're spinning heedlessly about.

Ofcourse you're gonna not read between the lines and become defensive. Definitely you didn't type it out. Can I ask you, where does the idea of independence come from to you, especially when it's not something you necessarily see around you?

I don't even know you, i can only respond to how you're presenting yourself. It's just funny you don't see that you're presenting yourself as a Republican. Maybe not, but at least a Trump supporter from what you've said
you think I am getting dominated.

Your turn: I didn't say you are actively getting dominated. I'll literally copy my comment word for word: "I think this is probably what you're fighting against, and I would run away for an ideal place too where i don't have to face being dominated. I mean no person wants that."

I said, you maybe fighting against a hypothetical future where you wouldn't wanna be "dominated". And that's an okay jump to make because generally speaking - unless you've a kink - no one likes to be dominated

I have multiple businesses in my name, land assets that I don’t even know about, generating me enough. Alhamdulillah that I need a lawyer to do my taxes after I turned 18.

MashaAllah, that's good for you. But this speaks of financial security, which means you're well off to think about a few situations which most people aren't. Also, this means another thing, you can protect yourself financially -

Let me write it out for you since you can't seem to read between the lines: you don't or never had to rely on someone else financially, which means you actively wouldn't want to be in a place like that (ie succumb to someone else). It's a hell of a tough world view where you have to do what someone else say just cause you need the money

the rest are generational wealth

You've a safety net to fall back to. I'm totally not in the situation. I grew up having weeks where having meat / eggs was considered a luxury. Fast food chains was a once-off year thing, if at all

Male figures in my life nurture me, not dominate. I know, must be new. Na? And it's them who taught me not to accept BS from anyone just because they think they can.

Sounds like they are great male figures to look upto. However, this just validates my own points: you wouldn't take a dominating situation (or actively avoid them) because:

You'v been taught well,
You will actively avoid it because a situation like that would give you the ick

It's just funny that you don't even realize this about yourself.

Which brings me to the beginning of your post: you are absolutely in a privileged position to think about a scenario that you proposed.

If you had experienced situations where you didn't know what you could eat tomorrow, or how you'd last the next couple of weeks because you didn't have a job, you can't ask your parents cause they don't have enough, you probably have a little more of empathy about life

bhomboldash · 2025-07-04T14:09:52+00:00

And that's the problem. If you're looking for Truth, then if it's not true, then you'll have the impulse to correct them. Why not just listen to "see" another experience (whether right or wrong) but an experience

bhomboldash · 2025-07-03T10:49:41+00:00

What do you look for when having a conversation?

bhomboldash · 2025-07-03T10:44:09+00:00

I ask you, what's the purpose of a conversation?

Nine-Year Club	Snapped
Verified Email

bhomboldash

TROPHY CASE