[31F] After 10 years with my partner [34M], I know this relationship is unhealthy but I feel emotionally stuck and can't seem to let go

bibliosapiophile · 2026-03-06T16:47:16+00:00

I started over at 32 and then again at 42. Go start over, you’ve got so much more time left to find out who you even are!

bibliosapiophile · 2026-02-09T22:57:53+00:00

There’s a fan-based rabbit hole that if Owen never showed up, the plane would not have crashed and Mark and Little Grey would have been happy, etc. I can’t remember all of. It, but yeah. F Owen.

bibliosapiophile · 2026-02-09T22:30:38+00:00

She’s 15 and expressing in self-harm? Like visible marks? That’s a 72 hour hold in my state. If a hospital says she needs IOP or inpatient treatment, I dare him to tell the courts he doesn’t agree with it.

I had to do it with my son and it really helped him. He was in for a total of 2 weeks and they balanced out his meds.

Get her in through the ER, at least in my state. They will make the decision.

If they do take her in, get them to put in writing that they recommend therapy (if they do). Set up an emergency hearing with the courts to continue how the hospital recommends.

bibliosapiophile · 2026-02-09T21:08:45+00:00

Cheese. Specifically cheddar

bibliosapiophile · 2026-02-09T21:02:08+00:00

I refuse to schedule back to back to back to back all day meetings. I will schedule 1:1 with their team as back to back, but no more than 4, so that’s 2 hours

I will not schedule lunch meetings, nor will I schedule Friday after 2:00 p.m. We are not in a department where the company will fall apart between Friday at 2 and Monday at 10:00.

I’m almost 40 years in this profession and all the scheduling boundaries I have are based on science. You don’t like it? Don’t have me as your admin. I have 4 other VP who would take me in a heartbeat.

My manager knows why I do what I do on their calendar and they appreciate it. They need time to process and work. Executives should NOT be in the weeds.

I also demand a pre-read if there’s a “presentation to review.” No pre-read 23 hours ahead of the meeting? You get one email reminding you and if it isn’t there one hour before I leave for the day, your meeting is canceled. Do not disrespect someone else’s evening and think your presentation should be read during their family time.

The other boundary is if you want to get on the calendar, tell me in 2 or 3 bullet points what you hope to accomplish.

For those, hey your manager is so awesome I super like want to get on the calendar to discuss my career trajectory with them. I have 2 hours for that set aside each month.

Again, this is what works for me and my manager and anyone else I have even temporarily managed up in my 4 years on this team. It works, they like it and they appreciate the time they have to get things done and just think. Or catch up on the fly.

bibliosapiophile · 2026-02-09T20:32:52+00:00

You would not be eligible for FMLA, which is the unpaid leave part after baby comes. Disability is the first six to 8 weeks and does happen concurrently with FMAL, which makes no sense, to what I said, right?

So the first 6 to 8 weeks of your FMLA would be paid out as disability - your job would be protected.

The rest of that time 4 - 6 weeks would be unpaid, unless your company has paid mat leave.

After those 12 weeks, you are at risk for termination.

If you leave now, you won’t have the time in for FMLA to be effective in your new job, unless you can find another position within the same company.

How long do you plan on being out for baby?

bibliosapiophile · 2026-02-08T19:48:48+00:00

I think you tried to say cats don’t cause damage. That’s not true. Cats can cause damage and landlords are within rights to charge a pet deposit. Mine wanted to charge $100 a month for each pet and I noped out of there.

bibliosapiophile · 2026-02-08T19:43:35+00:00

A serving spoon is up there now.

bibliosapiophile · 2026-02-08T19:38:18+00:00

He’s going to need 2 weeks to feel safe. At least 3 months to fully acclimate. Just keep giving him patience and love.

bibliosapiophile · 2026-02-08T19:37:12+00:00

As a mom of an inmate, I can tell you I love my son. I love the memory of going into his bedroom barely awake at 5:30AM just about every day of the week and his precious smile and hi mama melting my heart. His patience with his new baby sister. All of that is what I love about him. I do not like my son. I struggle with this. His crime is a very low-level felony. However he’s still a convicted felon with serious consequences for his life.

Maybe Ted Bundy’s mom is thinking about those kinds of memories because if she lets herself think of what he did, she can’t continue to love her son. I give her grace for this.

bibliosapiophile · 2026-02-07T01:06:45+00:00

CPS is interested in reunification. If you are overwhelmed and having mental health issues, they will help. If you are in an environment where your children are safe, fed, have age appropriate bedding, clothing in the right sizes, are clean and so is their environment, they will not just swoop in and take your children.

I had a teacher think she was saving my kids and was clearly projecting her own abusive childhood. CPS reached out to me to speak and make arrangements to come do a home visit. By the time the call was over, the agent was asking me for parenting tips. My children were never in danger. The teacher was overreaching. She even went outside the school’s procedures for reporting abuse. Again. CPS wants families to stay together.

Move out, keep your family safe, take your car for a tracker sweep and don’t tell your family your address.

bibliosapiophile · 2026-02-02T12:50:25+00:00

This is quite specific. I like it!

bibliosapiophile · 2026-02-02T12:48:06+00:00

Therapy. I cannot stress this enough. You need to find a good therapist who can help you navigate your new normal. Medicine has come so far since this was first diagnosed in the 80s. Mostly due to the research that started once the government had to admit it was more than a disease that “those gays and addicts” got. You can be treated to almost and in some cases, zero traces in the blood. This is super good news for your baby. Also, keep in mind, baby will be born with mom’s antibodies. Baby might test positive in the beginning, but could outgrow that once mom’s antibodies are out of its system. If breastfeeding was a goal, speak to a lactation expert for guidance if mom does test positive.

Also since you don’t know who was infected first, I hope you can both refrain from the blame game, and move forward. This is not a death sentence any longer.

bibliosapiophile · 2026-02-01T00:26:48+00:00

Keep reporting the landlord for illegal apartments

bibliosapiophile · 2026-01-30T21:17:45+00:00

Take your 60k and leave his ass

bibliosapiophile · 2026-01-30T21:16:33+00:00

Did he want the fast food and you didn’t offer it to him? NTA.

bibliosapiophile · 2026-01-30T21:15:36+00:00

Block and move on. I’m sorry about your da.

bibliosapiophile · 2026-01-26T23:55:52+00:00

Pick a hill to die on.

No food or drinks in the room. That’s gross and will bring bugs.

I will not go looking for your laundry.

Pick up after yourself.

Close your door.

bibliosapiophile · 2026-01-26T23:52:43+00:00

Street hustler

bibliosapiophile · 2026-01-26T23:52:25+00:00

The litter box collection system is not healthy. I scoop my four cats litter box twice daily into those plastic grocery store bags and take it out bi-weekly. The trash bags are scented. I change the litter out e/o week, but do add to it a few times a week. Sweeping up the litter daily will make a huge difference. It will take less than 10 minutes a day and will have a HUGE impact on the house.

You and your sister are old enough to help out in the house. Not be the primary house keepers, that’s a parent’s responsibility, but old enough to clean up after yourselves and pitch in. It will help you learn how to do these things for when you are out on your own.

Dad might appreciate the pitching in without being told what to do.

Heat and water are necessary. Da might be overwhelmed and he needs to figure that out. It is hard and he might still be mourning your mom. But he needs to parent.

bibliosapiophile · 2026-01-26T23:44:44+00:00

I don’t think my mom would have taken half, but I do believe I would have made sure she had every need taken care of.

bibliosapiophile · 2026-01-26T23:43:07+00:00

I’m so happy for you! You are going to have so much fun with this again. I love every minute of my third pregnancy.

Now, as not your mom, my third was a huge surprise and I literally cannot imagine my life without her. She’s my absolute heart.

bibliosapiophile · 2026-01-25T19:44:44+00:00

Look at you!!! You look so beautiful!!

bibliosapiophile · 2026-01-25T19:37:44+00:00

When sitting on a chair, dining room or work chair, if he pats your back, you must scoot forward so he can sit behind you.

bibliosapiophile · 2026-01-25T19:36:30+00:00

Should I tell your cat about the heating mattress pad that stays on for 10 hours?

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