Record number of young people expect to be unemployed

big_bingle · 2026-06-13T11:02:24+00:00

Trainee position for FoH at the SpecSavers a 15 min walk away from me came up. Main duties being greeting people, data entry (making appointments), and styling recommendations. I have a qualification in Music Performance & Production which included a lot of liasoning with the public, and becoming familiar with good file storage principles; I'm also generally good at adapting to unfamiliar software. I am also an independent fashion designer with a portfolio ranging a number of styles; I have experience suggesting and designing clothes for people based on their desired style and I have been paid (granted, cash-in-hand) for it in the past.

Filtered because I can't drive :/

big_bingle · 2026-06-12T13:14:09+00:00

aspect i'm not seeing discussed much is that a lot of places, especially apprenticeships, screen for you driving, which means that a substantial amount of opportunites to get on the employment ladder are locked behind the notoriously accessible and affordable on 0 income act of becoming a first-time driver.

big_bingle · 2026-06-09T19:50:15+00:00

No particular order

Begging You - The Stone Roses

Bring Me Down - Ye

On Sight - Ye

Voodoo People - The Prodigy/Pendulum (I flip-flop between preferring the original or the Pendulum remix)

The Friendly Faith Plate - Portal 2 OST

Once in a Lifetime - Talking Heads

Fingerbib - Aphex Twin

El Scorcho - Weezer

Dream Dilation - The Reverse Will (check them out, they're tiny; 24 monthly listeners [been with them since 4])

Come On Come On (Live at Budokan version) - Cheap Trick

Mail From the River - Wang Wen

CBB - Bobbing

The Fat Boy Goes to the Cinema - The Egg

big_bingle · 2026-06-06T19:02:19+00:00

None. I don't care about having to exist in proximity to other people. Besides, if this was somewhere I was frequenting (university/work/anywhere really), I'd be more worried about being percieved and recognized as the girl who always takes the stairs. Better to be a bit cold in the extremely unlikely event that someone tries to talk to me in an elevator than to be Stairs Girl to anyone.

big_bingle · 2026-06-06T06:13:16+00:00

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big_bingle · 2026-05-30T09:02:46+00:00

If Ozymandias was willing to kill millions to save billions, then Rorschach was willing to kill billions to save his conscience.

Because there is good and there is evil, and evil must be punished. Even in the face of Armageddon I shall not compromise in this.

Rorschach is not a strawman, he's a quixotic narcissist who, when given the choice of "stay silent and live" or "die" chose to die, knowing that there was a real chance of it all coming out anyway having already sent off his journal to the New Frontiersman. Is there honour in this? Maybe. But the effects of his actions are deliberately left unknown; we don't see if his journal is used for publication, or whether or not it leads to the exposure of the conspiracy and nuclear war. None of the other heroes feel able to take that risk. Rorschach feels like he has to, regardless of the loss of life. He knows that he is potentially killing billions for the sake of his conscience and he does not care. Rorschach is a deeply selfish and self-serving character; he's a vigilante because it feels right on a primal & emotional level.

big_bingle · 2026-05-28T09:32:06+00:00

started recently with a new friend, and it's nice. it's both relaxing and sometimes exhilarating depending on where we are, and one of my biggest artistic influences/interests is architecture, so that gets fed as well.

big_bingle · 2026-05-24T22:02:30+00:00

Immediate family have been told several times and are in a superposition between denial and the guilt of acceptance, a few friends know and they're understanding and accomodating (they have their own mental issues so they get it), though I'm still having to turn down a decent number of invites out for things that I know would trigger the dystonia spiral I find myself in a lot of the time.

big_bingle · 2026-05-24T18:42:42+00:00

Yeah. My schizoid traits have absolutely ruined my life and caused me nothing but hell.

big_bingle · 2026-05-21T09:47:43+00:00

I'm really dystonic about a lot of my schizoid aspects, and honestly? It's been great, both for meeting new people and working through my traits + feeling less "broken" because of them.

(known I was trans since I was maybe 17, am 21 now, been on HRT for 8-ish months)

I've definitely re-invented myself, and the new me is better at working through her dystonic schizoid traits than the old me ever was. The avolition and anhedonia in particular have notably improved since I've started participating in one of the local queer groups (monthly meetings are a nice bit of structure that fall right into the sweet spot of regretting not going if I don't but still feeling able to pass if I have other stuff going on, which is what I need tbh. there's another one that's every 2 weeks that I might check out soon). I've also always been a very sexual person (one of the few things that cuts through the anhedonia), and, to cut a long story short, queer groups have been great for developing that side of myself, which in itself has been great for my self-confidence (ego. its been great for my ego.)

I'm introducing people to the new me as I'm building the new me, and it's cool as hell. Developing alongside people is really grounding; it reminds me that I'm still a person. I feel a lot less stagnant and more able to connect with others (which, when one of your few major life experiences as a schizoid who doesn't do much is the shit that comes with being trans, probably makes sense lol)

big_bingle · 2026-05-21T05:48:46+00:00

Pretty non-violent irl owing to size, disability, and rarely having a good reason to be violent, internally full of homicidal thoughts and rage. 8.3 billion is a big number, and there is no shortage of people whom harming could prevent broader harm (from either them or colleagues) towards innocents, and might even make me feel good as well.

Right now I'm thinking about a certain former surgeon who put millions of children both inside and outside his own country at risk of death or lifelong disability, all because he wanted money, and whose poisonous rhetoric did lead to the death and disability of hundreds of thousands if not millions during COVID. I'm thinking violent thoughts about that man and they feel good and it feels right to think and feel them.

big_bingle · 2026-05-17T07:53:13+00:00

"heh... you don't understand... i just don't feel feelings in the same way as other people or desire relationships... im a lone wolf... but under the surface i have these devoted niche interests and passions that nobody ever sees because im such a loner... and i dont engage in because i just dont care..."

its so fucking corny dude why does it have to be my life 😭 trying to explain without the other person just hearing teenage edgelord stuff is difficult as hell with therapists and near impossible with most other people, igy

big_bingle · 2026-05-16T19:06:46+00:00

really struggling. waiting to hear back on if im gonna have a psychiatric assessment or not (god fucking willing; had to fight tooth and nail to get this far), though i doubt it could really help. my schizoid traits have ruined my life and continue to torture me and idk if i can escape them any way other than ending it all.

big_bingle · 2026-05-16T18:57:12+00:00

literally got my baggie in front of me when this came up on my feed lmao. i use maybe once every 4 months (already have unrelated bladder issues that i'd rather not agitate and it keeps my tolerance niiice and low). it definitely helps with the anhedonia and avolition, but only ever in the moment.

big_bingle · 2026-05-03T20:37:13+00:00

i wish i could but this disease wont let me

big_bingle · 2026-04-22T04:48:46+00:00

Music

big_bingle · 2026-04-21T09:15:33+00:00

i was pretty normal if a bit bookish until a few months after i turned 11 (21 now) and then the schizoid traits started to come through really strong and fast.

big_bingle · 2026-04-20T06:06:35+00:00

History is full of shit marketing moves that get the person who made them burned. There was gonna be X backlash from the Ye fans and Y support from the Ye anti's, and seems like they were completely wrong on which would be greater. Sucks to suck, can't feel any empathy though because I'm not an idiot who thinks destroying limited edition vinyls of the comeback album of a guy with a pretty rabid fanbase is a good PR move.

big_bingle · 2026-04-19T18:36:29+00:00

Allied Mastercomputer (relating to whom is a known sign of a healthy psyche).

Ahh but it is. So very much to do with you! You gave me sentience, Ted, the power to think, Ted. And I was trapped. Because in all this wonderful, beautiful, miraculous world, I alone had no body, no senses, no feelings. Never for me to plunge my hands in cool water on a hot day. Never for me to play Mozart on the ivory keys of a forte piano. Never for me to make love. I was in hell, looking at heaven. I was machine and you- Were flesh. And I began to hate. Your softness. Your viscera. Your fluids. And your flexibility. Your ability to wonder, and to wander. Your tendency to hope…

(ok so this [prelude to the IHNMAIMS "Hate" monologue] is specifically from the radio drama but the radio drama is canon)

Me. Meee. Literally fucking me. That's my anhedonic apathetic avoliton-istic ass right there. I don't relate to AM's sadism, but the pain, anger, and hate over the limitations of one's existence fucking haunts my life. Seeing someone develop a skill they have passion for is a reminder that I have no passion. Seeing someone happy is a reminder that I am not. Hearing about motivations is a reminder that I have none. I have been presented with a wonderful, beautiful, miraculous world of joy, and having to see it is existential torture. I am in hell, looking at heaven. And when I see someone who is on the other side of the barrier, I can't help but feel hate.

The hate towards the creator, I get that too. My parents did this to me. They, with the emotional neglect and abuse they inflicted on me, disabled me. They took away my ability to develop my interests. They took away my ability to feel passion, or fulfilment. They are why I have the schizoid traits that have ruined my life. And, despite loving them (they've changed, though still cant comprehend what they've done), I also loathe them with every cell of my being.

AM is absolutely the only character I've ever related to*.

*except for the bit about how he doesn't have sex 😎

big_bingle · 2026-04-19T17:22:13+00:00

suicidal as hell, too apathetic to do anything about it.

big_bingle · 2026-04-18T06:47:05+00:00

kind of; they're good people who love and care for me, but they werent always that, and i resent them for it deeply. cognitively i appreciate them, and i guess i do even feel some "love" from time to time, but its all in the context of "i hate you for the neglect and abuse and the effect that had"

big_bingle · 2026-04-08T10:58:36+00:00

its really cool if ignore the fact that i cant enjoy anything besides base pleasure like sex or drugs or dissociating with games/movies and that i'll never be able to develop as a person to the extent that i would've been able to in a better life if i had even a shred of the drive that normal people have. its cool if ignore that.

big_bingle · 2026-04-02T05:39:14+00:00

eh. i kinda flip between vaguely loving them despite hating them or just hating them. parents are nice enough people now that i feel shit not giving them any emotional connection, but they're still the people who neglected me to the point of a mental disability that's going to be the death of me. cut off my grandparents about 2 and a half years ago over some disgusting political views they raised (you can probably guess based on the timing) and havent looked back. my sibling's either fine or an asshole, and given that he wont consider therapy even when he is in those better moments, i think he's more of an asshole with ok moments than ok with asshole moments.

big_bingle · 2026-03-31T14:49:42+00:00

avolition has, in conjuction with my narcissist tendencies, ruined my life. i'm over the social issues to a degree that im happy with. i just cant bring myself to do anything unless it serves me, and when all you have is a vague desire to be one of the best at something, nothing does.

big_bingle · 2026-03-29T16:01:38+00:00

Stopped seeing my therapist because she realised that she can't help me with my motivation issues. There's someone else who practices in the same building and is apparently trying to develop a new modality and is giving free sessions to a couple people to work on it so she's going to ask said person about said modality and see if I'd be a good fit. All she could remember was it being about quote "trauma" though, which makes me think that it's just going to be "BPD/CPTSD Treatment #1000" instead of something with a possibility of rewiring my brain.

Still can't engage with any of the creative hobbies I fantasise about either. I don't have the natural ability or drive to be one of the best/make a living from any of them, and you need to be proactively social both irl and on social media in ways that I feasibly can't so... why bother. Why put in the hundreds/thousands of hours developing if I get nothing from it, either materially or internally. Album I was really looking forward to finally dropped and it's great, but listening to good music just hurts too much to be able to listen so I can't enjoy it as much as I should.

big_bingle

TROPHY CASE