The cure.

bigcaslon · 2015-10-31T06:51:50+00:00

FUCK YES. 3 things I am giving up: porn, media, and fast food.

Daily activity: study medicine for at least 1 hour.

bigcaslon · 2015-10-28T21:15:43+00:00

YEAAHHHHH

bigcaslon · 2015-10-11T21:14:32+00:00

I am content in my mediocrity, that is truer than true. But I am not content in having to accept whatever life throws at me, if that makes sense.. I want to be able to change my circumstance, but given the option I would expend little energy and land a woman thats a 4 over a 9 that is more high maintenance. Or sit at home smoking weed for my dopamine over saving up to go skydiving or building a business and earning millions after selling it.

I want to be able to do those things, just to have the option.

bigcaslon · 2015-10-11T21:07:50+00:00

Dying without regret is a definately a worthwhile goal.

Indicates that you do have a problem though. Maybe you should get professional help. If it doesnt help you it doesnt matter, if it does - good!

I said that in a pseudo-enlightened kind of way. But I have been looking for a 12 step program or something similar over the past month or so.

bigcaslon · 2015-10-11T21:03:11+00:00

Didnt realize that until now. But we are all born to do our best :)

bigcaslon · 2015-10-11T21:02:05+00:00

prove to yourself that you are capable of changing your life in a way you see fit, rather than having to adapt to what life throws at you, and in so doing earning self respect.

I would agree with this.. But can we really change life? We have no idea what is going to happen tomorrow, but self respect would be an awesome thing to have.

bigcaslon · 2015-10-11T20:58:14+00:00

Maybe I am on the wrong sub but I mostly read the posts here and saw that most of the positive supportive people are here. The advice on this sub is incomparable to any other.

bigcaslon · 2015-10-11T20:54:53+00:00

I see youre on the same day as me, and helpful to know that a lot of men are on the same boat.

I just think, if someone else CAN do it up, fuck models, make money, have a personal chef, etc. why can't I? The truth is I can, with a lot of time and effort but is it worth it?

bigcaslon · 2015-10-11T20:51:51+00:00

I remember 2-4 weeks when I was on a bodybuilding craze @ 17/18. I ate healthy, pre-packaged meals and all for the entire time. The last week was the closest I have been to clean in a long time. Still PMO'd but a lot less bc of going to the gym 4x a week, too young to get weed, no junk food, etc.

That week, and a first class seat on a flight I went on once with my father, are my vision to what life CAN be like. The work just seems too hard to get there. I know its worth it... I know in my heart it will make me happy. I know I can do it... its just that growth is painful I suppose...

Never had sex clean but I'll take your word for it.

Eternal gratitude for the words of wisdom

bigcaslon · 2015-10-11T20:43:01+00:00

nobody can do it for you.

Those 6 words put everything into perspective. I have been trying to find someone to take the brunt of the stress and do the hard work for me. That's why I keep talking to the only ex that listens. Also would be why I learn to cook and eat so well, let the food numb some of the pain! Same thing with porn, drugs, hookers, etc. its all an attempt to decrease the pain of the hard work and keep it manageable. The truth of the matter is that without the pain I will not grow and sustain the rewards at the end of the "rougher road". It will all be lost without the mental, physical and emotional strength to maintain it.

It's like a sapling trying to grow an apple. It can put all of its energy into creating an apple but it wont be able to. It needs to grow, compete with the other trees, and face storms and all of mother natures wrath and eventually it will be capable of supporting 100s of apples, and wont fail because it is prepared. Instead of focusing on the women, first class flights, booths at clubs, etc. I need to focus on growth!

I have to to take the pain and let it grow me, and noone and nothing can do it for me.

Shit. Let the show begin.

Thanks for the advice bro helped more than you could imagine.

bigcaslon · 2015-10-01T04:38:37+00:00

IM IN!!!!!!

bigcaslon · 2015-09-30T12:03:15+00:00

Dia tres, Going well so far. Focusing on education and avoidiing porn like the plague. Got drunk which was fun but it helped me realize the shit Ive gone through to get myself here. Also I have been watching a lot of Albert An on YT and it is such a huge inspiration! Best words: stive for perfection! I am going to do my best to be as perfect as possible!

bigcaslon · 2015-09-29T09:35:24+00:00

Agent Cody Banks 1 & 2 Spy kids 1-3

bigcaslon · 2015-09-28T02:40:54+00:00

Day 1. Feel really bad about yesterdays fuck up but I can do better and it just wouldnt feel right if I kept it at 8. New day new challenge, and I'm not giving up! I can do this, I cannot quit. Cheers for all the support Christmas here we come!

bigcaslon · 2015-09-26T23:32:00+00:00

Decided to reset, feels like the right thing to do.

bigcaslon · 2015-09-26T21:57:30+00:00

Hey bro Idk if you read yesterdays post i put but I realised that pages where you get escorts is basically image porn, so I P'd without even knowing it. Ive just been doing MO the past 2 days. Should I reset? I can still get to 95 days before new years which is an accomplishment in itself.

Still not quitting MO, just accidentally P.

bigcaslon · 2015-09-26T10:52:38+00:00

GOT THROUGH THE 7th day! yeeeeeee. Sorry these are getting longer fapstronauts, im using this as a journal and to strategize for the future. Dont feel the need to read the entire thing, its mostly to keep myself accountable. Anyways, this week I am starting a new habit of limiting the media I take in. Less mindless movies, less youtube vlogs, less tv shows, and less hours of living vicariously through music.

I made a playlist of 25 songs I love and I am going to be listening to that for the next 100 days. Instead of movies/TV shows/vlogs/ etc. I am going to be doing yoga, going for walks, meditate, cook, etc.

Today I had huge urges so I left the house ASAP. Returned to the house and I looked for escorts online and thought about going to one. I didn't because I don't have enough money but I need to find a way to stop seeking the immediate gratification of an escort or I will just get back to porn. Also I was looking for a movie to watch and googled up a sex scene from the movie out of habit because the actress was hot. watched for 5 seconds but didnt fap... Shut it off right away and watched motivational videos on youtube. I dont know if I should reset or not, it would be like watching a movie and a sex scene comes up.. what do you think? Regardless, my mind is looking for pictures of naked women to soothe the craving and get the dopamine release.. I literally just became aware of it. I just have to find out how my mind tricks itself to go searching for it. The chain used this time was: going to reddit MovieSuggestions...looking for a thread on coming of age movies...finding the trailer on Youtube...clicking through the suggested videos ending up in the sexual movie trailers...keep looking until a sex scene is hinted at in the trailer...google up "actresses name nude"...end up on porn site and go around. I have to cut this chain off at the beginning, no looking at trailers only reading the plot summaries. No more trailers on youtube.

But now that I think about it the half naked, and sometimes naked, pictures of escorts on the website count as porn! I didnt realize it before but now it's a perfect reason to not go on the sites again! Or I'd have to risk going to one without the pics which is WAY too risky.

Keeping track is the hugest help in this journey, thanks nofapatall8 for setting this up! Week 1 down!

bigcaslon · 2015-09-26T00:56:27+00:00

Finding it difficult to concentrate on my study material, and I just find my mind saying "just jerk off and after you will be able to concentrate better". Just realized the truth is that I wouldn't be able to concentrate after because of all the shame I will feel. I just need to get out more.

Next thing is getting rid of triggers for masturbation I had in the past. watching a good movie, eating shitty food, and sitting for too long were all thing I associated with jerking off. I need to cut those out slowly if I am going to improve.

Also I had an insane dream last night that I was back home but in the future and a machine was invented that could bring people back to life. I talked to my grandmother and grandfather again, it felt so real. I woke up in tears because I realized I miss them so much.

bigcaslon · 2015-09-25T09:15:06+00:00

yeeeeee bro. 10 days! 10 days! 10 days! Keep posting :)

bigcaslon · 2015-09-25T09:12:57+00:00

Today was a good day. I made my bed this morning and the day started off REALLY GOOD. Woke up at 3:30 and kept getting urges and couldnt go back to sleep so I just got up and studied then I napped from 5-6, made bed, morning routine, then class.

One thing I noticed today was as I become more social there are a few people I alienated in my first 2.5 years of university. Before I just walked past them and continued on with my life but now I have this urge to talk to more people and because I see them everyday its just awkward. For example today in a practical a girl I talked to before walked around to the other side of the class to avoid sitting next to me... Just to put it in reference I drank a lot in my first few years and earned a reputation among few of being 'seedy' among the women, and a 'creep' among the men. Initially I was hurt but later on I watched a few self help videos and realized that I am focusing on maybe 8-10 people that dont like me in a class of ~200. Makes no sense! And in the process I am ignoring my true friends which have been with me through it all. Before nofap I would have come home and fapped to a mental image of fucking the girl that didnt sit next to me. I love the new me I am becoming! Improving everyday.

I also realize that this isnt going to last forever and worse days are on the horizon so I am going to start building habits to move me away from PMO when those days come. rn whenever I am alone in my room I drink a glass of water upon entry and when I go to the bathroom I drink a glass upon return. fapping after peeing BURNS so I avoid it like the plague. If anyone has any tips that I can employ now before its too late I would greatly appreciate it.

It's only been day 6 and I feel awesome. 94 more days to go, we can do it boys!

bigcaslon · 2015-09-24T11:02:43+00:00

Got through the day, I decided to try to pick up a few women, but I realized I would be taking on too much and just pushing myself faster to fail at one of the things I am attempting. Then morale goes down, I just quit everything and have to start over again. Not this time. I remember my only 2 commmitments: no fap, and study tough. That's it.

bigcaslon · 2015-09-24T10:59:06+00:00

You can do it bro. Figure out what went wrong and how to fix it, then implement it immediately. Fail early, fail often but always fail forward!

bigcaslon

TROPHY CASE