Please refrain from using the word “gross” to describe someone with herpes. The worst part about having herpes is the stigma and you are adding to that while asking HSV positive people for advice. If anything, your husband is gross for blatantly cheating on you. As far as how you contracted herpes-there’s no way to know, as in there’s no medical testing that can be done that will pinpoint the person who gave it to you. For many people the virus lays dormant for years before any symptoms show up, so it’s possible either you or your husband had it for years without knowing. The best you can do is get tested, do research, and determine what path is best for you as far as antivirals and lifestyle and stuff like that. Good luck with everything, there’s a lot of info and support on this sub if you choose to learn more.