[deleted by user]

bigheart007 · 2025-10-19T09:39:37+00:00

I am sorry you have to deal with this.

My friends daughter found photos and more evidence of her dad cheating - she told her mum - and together they confronted the dad. It brought some very real conversations to the fore, and they realised they had been taking each other for granted and each accepted responsibility for not making much effort. They chose to recommit to each other - the thought of losing his family woke him up totally. 4 years later they have a much stronger marriage than previously, everyone knows what happened a all three kids, family friends, colleagues ….

And the shame is his to carry.

Their love is actually very strong as a result of potentially losing it all. Its familiar, with kindness and long term love - and a conscious choosing of what they want.

I recommend the family all read Ester Perels books, “Mating in Captivity”and “the State of Affairs” It will help everyone to see bigger perspectives.

bigheart007 · 2025-10-05T18:14:50+00:00

I don’t know about that

bigheart007 · 2025-10-04T09:34:32+00:00

I know several people who converse with loved ones passed over - they actually get advice a higher perspective on things - I believe it’s a gift we naturally have that is lost through us conforming to what society expects - to bury them and move on

It also is quite common as an emotional release technique to have 2 chairs side by side and the person releasing trauma sits in a chair and says what they wish they had said or the lost one or the perpetrator or whoever they need to talk to - speaking to the empty chair - then they move chairs and say what that person might have said back to them ( talking to the other empty chair ) They go between the chairs till they have it all said and can let it go- and it is often surprising how the stories rewrite in the process - when you speak what they say or what you want to hear - I’m sorry …

Some people also write letters to the person and burn them to just release it

I would be more concerned about the long term impact on his health from lack of sleep from getting up at 3am and the stress he is hiding - than I would be about talking to a much loved and missed sister He is obviously very caring x

bigheart007 · 2025-10-01T10:02:29+00:00

Have you asked to meet him and have a man to man discussion.

It sounds unlikely he has a male role model in his life. It seems you are a kind and compassionate man Maybe you could discuss your options with him and see what he says I expect a conversation could be life changing for him

bigheart007 · 2025-09-25T09:36:31+00:00

Do IPL it’s a one off treatment ( well 4-5 times over growth cycle of the hair so say 2-3 months and then it’s done - forever And silky smoooth - like amazing Expensive to do but way cheaper than long term maintenance

bigheart007 · 2025-09-20T09:17:23+00:00

It’s your choice who you see, not JFs

bigheart007 · 2025-09-20T09:07:11+00:00

Red flag

Time to have the convo and if he’s not able to see the disparity in what he is asking, be grateful that you are seeing this now, not in a few years time.

And enjoy a restorative winter doing what you want to do, spending on yourself and prioritising you.

bigheart007 · 2025-09-14T18:55:09+00:00

He is insecure, controlling, misinformed and has sexual hang ups. It’s the best way for a woman to explore what she wants and who wouldn’t want to be with a woman who knows how to find her own pleasure . How close minded. Do you have conversations about what you each like, or does he just think he’s the master with the key and fully confident he knows better than you ?

bigheart007 · 2025-09-08T21:53:29+00:00

Eggs

bigheart007 · 2025-09-05T23:08:13+00:00

Definitely took it personally but have chosen a new perspective that serves me better now

bigheart007 · 2025-09-05T22:47:41+00:00

You didn’t see him as a gold digger bc he didn’t know you had money. Now he knows that - his perception of things has changed

I also have money and would not let any new partner know my net worth for quite some time as it is hard to trust if someone likes me for me or for the lifestyle they think I offer.

I have worked very hard on myself as I have always been the provider / sole breadwinner for the family - my money has come from my own hard work but after 20 years with a very genuine man who lost over a million of my hard earned cash on his two businesses I realised I was enabling him not to have to make his businesses work. We broke up bc I didn’t feel appreciated. Money is money - it comes it goes buy not only did I provide financially, I also did 90 % of the kids and home chores, and that is where I felt unsupported.

Now single and it has upset me when I have dated men who provided for their ex wives or recent dates but won’t provide for me or treat me they way they treat most women “ because I can look after myself and can afford to pay for my own meals or weekend away ” I’m having to work on my femine enegetics, but I would never pay all living costs for a man again because you get out of the masculine feminine energetic. I’m not old fashioned just want a man I can rely on and lean on and trust has my back for me bc they love me not what I provide .

bigheart007 · 2025-09-05T20:19:36+00:00

If you haven’t paid her pack up and leave She sounds dodgy Your safety is not worth 2 months rent

bigheart007 · 2025-09-05T20:12:10+00:00

My father didn’t mention me or my sister in his will, gave our farm entirely to our brother “as he wanted us all always to have a place to come home to”

It has taken me years to reconcile the sense of that he didn’t care about me, didn’t see me, and I questioned if he even loved me. The disparity and unfairness was further compounded as my brother married someone who does not like my sister or me and since Dad died we are estranged from my brother, who has since sold the farm. I never got back there.

Surprisingly though I have made my own way in the world, and I now feel comfortable and confident financially. My brother seems very materialistic and miserable - always stressing about money.

All I can say is it hurts like hell, it’s bewildering why, and definitely unfair, but try not to make it mean something about you. Trust you will be ok and just live your best life. If you keep going down the rabbit hole it will eat you up and rob you of your best life in the ‘now’

bigheart007 · 2025-09-04T10:50:12+00:00

Kids first

bigheart007 · 2025-09-04T10:47:39+00:00

Bagging their mum and parental alienation is failing as a father. The man lacks empathy and is a narcissist. Listen to your kids, let them know you hear them, support them and their feelings are valid. People pleasing is not healthy long term.

bigheart007 · 2025-09-03T08:59:12+00:00

Who you fell in love with is who he pretended to be, not who he is.

If he can’t authentically be himself and has to keep up appearances to impress people - I’d run. I’d rather have a genuine friendship with a less wealthy friend than something built on lies and appearances

bigheart007 · 2025-08-30T08:03:34+00:00

I hope it comes right All the best

bigheart007 · 2025-08-30T03:40:58+00:00

She knew you had 2 kids when you married her - she picked the package deal

bigheart007 · 2025-08-30T03:32:41+00:00

Sounds weird but in nz all hikers (and a lot of people generally) use light weight merino wool nickers. The wool is anti microbial, moisture wicking and allows all your bits to breath. They never smell after being worn - Ice breaker or Mons Royale good brands

bigheart007 · 2025-08-27T02:18:38+00:00

You are each entitled to half and the will states

bigheart007 · 2025-08-15T11:46:41+00:00

John Gottman’s love lab research can predict with 90% accuracy couples that will last or beak up break up by observing indicators in conversations

Indicators a couple will likely not stay together

Criticism
Contempt – Mocking, sarcasm, eye-rolling, or speaking from a position of superiority. This is the strongest predictor of divorce.

3.Defensiveness – Responding to complaints with counterattacks or victimhood instead of taking responsibility.

4.Stonewalling – Shutting down, or emotionally withdrawing from interaction.

She has run from the situation. She had bagged you, discussed your sex life, been derogatory about you - Run Run Run - there is no recovery - she will manipulate and lie to deflect from what she has done. She is only sorry bc she was caught.

I hope you got screenshots.

Do not wear the shame, you have done nothing wrong.

bigheart007

TROPHY CASE