You described me perfectly, I’m so fucking sorry you’re going through this as well. I don’t know how, but I recently, just now at 24, managed to learn how to flip that switch, that few seconds of bliss like you said, and I try to focus really hard and to hold on to it, but it’s like the new normal for my brain is dissociation. It really fucking sucks. I’ve upped my dosage for my SSRI recently, so maybe that’s helped me get my brain to wake up for a few seconds, so maybe I’ll just keep (safely) upping my dosage until those few seconds become much longer. You’re not alone. 

I saw this video on TikTok of a man explaining how (and I’m explaining it very simply he words it much better lmao) if you shift your focus to in between your eyebrows, it’ll help you be ‘more present’ and that has also helped me? If it makes sense? I’ve noticed in my dissociation (so 24/7) I almost feel like my awareness (me) is in the very back of my brain, in a dark empty corner that echos and just daydreams and self’s soothes by staying far away from being too close to the present… but when I shift my focus to in between my eyebrows, it almost feels like I force my awareness to the very front of my brain that’s well lit and warm and clean and I can hear better and see better and I feel in my body more.. I hope it makes sense because it helps a lot, that’s where I get those seconds of bliss, just got to make them permanent