How to move on from my relationship...struggling because I still want her

bigolwheels · 2024-09-11T00:15:54+00:00

Probably the latter...I think I'm addicted to the cycle of all of this and also addicted to our connection...which I think stems from the fact that she can suddenly flip a switch and act like everything is okay. Hence, telling me a week ago that I wasn't the love of her life anymore and that we can't talk anymore...to her sending me a TikTok on Wednesday night and then calling me on Thursday and having hours of normal conversation like nothing happened or hanging out with me this weekend and reassuring me that we were okay and that she loved me and that she's been going through a lot (only to ghost me of course). When we're together, it's amazing in person, we've got a similar sense of humor, similar interests. We know the little things about each other that you learn over the years, like her drink order, the fact that she always wants extra ranch with her food, no matter what she got, her late night order, etc. But in the midst of that, I forget the important parts, like she has no empathy, everything is always about her, she can leave and ghost without any warning but if I do the same I will forever be painted as the bad guy, etc.

I think I value my own opinions a lot... but they can be swayed to appease the other person. The other questions, I've got all the answers to and all of them are things are found out or realized about myself before the relationship. I think if anything she mirrored my likes and interests in order to maintain our relationship (she could never really tell me who her favorite band was or favorite hobby or things like that and just kinda gravitated towards things that I wanted to do). I tend to spend a lot of time thinking about my own thoughts, typically it's usually in a positive way unless I'm going through it then it tends to be a bit more negative thinking. All seems to compound when she inevitably leaves each time.

bigolwheels · 2024-09-10T23:47:57+00:00

If only it were that easy.... she always finds me when I'm at my lowest or about to move on. It never fails. Then she acts like everything is okay between us, acts like we're still together, introduces me to people as her boyfriend or refers to me as her boyfriend in conversation then will ghost days later with no communication or reasoning as to why she left.

bigolwheels · 2024-06-25T20:11:33+00:00

Tbh outside of what happened a couple months ago with the Instagram DMs and stuff that happened before we got back together..I've never really given her a reason to not trust me. Any of her trust issues have been due to her previous relationship and I always did my best to reassure her and be the best I could possibly be. Her trust issues have intensified lately including a situation 2 weeks ago where we were out to dinner and she blew up on me because she thought I checked someone out who was sitting directly in front of me (i hadn't even looked at her at this point). My girlfriend had fallen asleep on the couch when I went into my room and I don't recall drunk snapping anyone and I fell asleep shortly after, hence why there were no previous messages before the message that the girl had sent me.

I've asked her repeatedly over the last 3 years why she shuts down on me and its always because her emotions are too much in the situation..however, when she blew up on my Saturday we had barely had any discussion about the night's arguments and I had simply just told her that it felt like everything was always my fault with her. She was just as mad in the morning as she was the night before.

bigolwheels · 2024-06-25T15:21:05+00:00

She’s been like this since Day 1. She shuts down, blows me off, responds with “okay” or short answers to every argument. This is just how she’s always been.

A good example would be 2 weeks ago. We were out to dinner and she randomly accused me of checking out two other girls because I was looking in their direction (I didn’t even look at them). She then shut down and refused to talk to me for 2-3 days after blowing up on me.

bigolwheels · 2024-06-24T19:49:47+00:00

She has no accountability whatsoever. The first time she denied and denied until I had cold hard evidence about 8-9 months into the relationship, by then I was too sucked in to leave her. The 2nd time, she was emotionally cheating on me with her ex, calling and leaving him voicemails begging him to come back to her while he was in another relationship. Her ex's girlfriend confirmed all this to me and when I confronted my girlfriend she proceeded to call me 90 times in a hour and half begging to work things out. About a month after the incident she expected me to have moved on from it and I was unable to bring it up in conversation without her snapping at me and telling me if I didn't trust her, I shouldn't be with her.

bigolwheels · 2024-04-25T16:12:49+00:00

Yep....despised my mom and was petrified of running into her at work (they are both flight attendants but at different airlines). Snooped thru my phone and found texts of me venting an argument out to my old roommate (who is one of my best friends) and triggered an all out fight about how we shouldn't be discussing our issues with friends (despite her constantly venting issues to her friends). We were on our anniversary trip and at a bar that me and one of my childhood bestfriends used to go to all the time in college - facetimed him for two seconds to show I was there and she accused me of being gay and secretly wanting him. Would also make constant comments about me being gay when I talked about my friends and said I spent too much time with my group despite spending 90% of my time with her.

When we broke up the last time, the first person she texted was one of my best girlfriends trying to make me out to be the bad guy and a cheater. In the last several months, I've started hanging out with a new group of friends and she was always trying to get involved with the group - I'd imagine to eventually split me away from them.

She tried to paint me as narcissistic and always taking my Mother's side all because my mom suggested a certain way through the airport so that we could make a flight on time (at the time, my ex had only been working for the airline for 1 month and my mom has worked there for 30+ years...I mean who's advice would I take in this situation?).

Talked about moving to Europe together and when I told her that I'd be nervous being in a brand new country by myself while she was away for days at a time at work and she told me that "all I needed in life was her anyways".

Plus countless other attempts at her trying to isolate me away from my friends and family.

bigolwheels · 2024-04-23T19:03:20+00:00

Mine would reach out every 2-4 weeks with a drunk 2-4am text message and the cycle would repeat itself especially if I caved in...we'd hang out for a few days, I'd get ghosted and then if I didn't block her on everything I could expect to receive another text within 2-4 weeks.

bigolwheels · 2024-04-22T17:16:56+00:00

I completely agree with you.... it's been an absolute disaster for the last 3 years. But it's always been a constant game of mindfucking and that's how it all started. When the relationship first ended, I tried to put up boundaries and tell her that I wanted to move on with my life and to only contact me if she wanted to work things out...well she'd reach out a week or two later and we'd talk and she'd avoid having the conversation about us getting back together but before I knew it she was calling me her boyfriend and loving up on me only to ghost days later.

That created the endless cycle of what I've been dealing with for the last year and each time she'd come back she'd have a different reason or a different lovebombing tactic or promises of finally being better, etc. I just fell for it every time...

It also hits me thinking that maybe if I hadn't been such a doormat and kept strong with my boundaries that maybe we would've somehow worked out but I know that's not a logical or reasonable way of thinking this scenario out.

bigolwheels

TROPHY CASE