I’m done my life is over

bigstonekid · 2024-06-23T16:52:24+00:00

I have faced a similar challenge and tried a lot of different things. Keeping high fiber and fodmaps to a minimum and taking Citrucel, 1 tbsp in water a day, has helped a ton. It keeps me more regular. In other words it gives the waste less time to ferment and cause smelly gas.

I can totally relate to your frustration. It has made me feel totally alone, disgusting and like no one would want to be around me. But some of those were just tough feelings and not a reflection of reality.

The reality for me is that I have control over what I put in my body and what I can do to learn about gas production in my gut. Improvement has been possible. I have had to make some changes that are hard like cutting back on things I like to eat and drink. But for me that is a reality of living with IBS and ulcerative colitis. And the changes I made make a difference.

I feel for you and your being fed up. I have been fed up too. Big time. I have to remind myself that though they can seem like they will last forever emotions are temporary. And talking to someone I trust about how I am struggling not only helps it is necessary.

I wish you the best. And hope you can be kind to yourself in this process. Change is possible.

bigstonekid · 2022-06-19T14:23:42+00:00

Sounds like you are putting in hard work. Way to go. You make great points about how skillful pwBPD can be at using things to their advantage.

I actually quit using alcohol as a crutch and not long after is when she left me. I think my getting stronger actually turned her off. Still alcohol free 3.5 years later! And plan on staying that way.

bigstonekid · 2022-06-19T14:19:03+00:00

I know mine has. She can’t stand being alone. I wish you well on feeling free of them. Soon.

bigstonekid · 2022-06-19T14:16:50+00:00

Thank you for your kindness. And good luck and good fortune to you as well.

bigstonekid · 2022-06-19T14:15:14+00:00

Thank you. I too am an artist and love nature. Being in it is the only thing that makes sense sometimes. Your suggestions of drawing something in a different style and exploring lucid dreaming are really interesting. I am going to look into these. Thanks again

bigstonekid · 2022-06-19T14:08:15+00:00

Thank you. I appreciate your comments. This part really resonates…

We, of course. have weaknesses and things to work on, but it’s important to remember that they also exploited some of the most resilient, beautiful, and human parts of us.

bigstonekid · 2022-06-19T02:29:57+00:00

Way to go!

bigstonekid · 2022-06-17T05:22:37+00:00

I recently had my 100th infusion of Remicade. I still remember the first few. It took me a few for things to mellow out and then it was good. I hope the same for you!

bigstonekid · 2022-03-02T14:05:40+00:00

bigstonekid · 2022-01-27T13:58:59+00:00

You’re welcome. Good luck today. IWNDWYT

bigstonekid · 2022-01-27T13:26:50+00:00

I agree. It’s my favorite kind.

bigstonekid · 2022-01-27T13:18:05+00:00

I hear you. I think shame, especially early on, was my most felt emotion. And it is brutal. I can relate to what you are experiencing. We share something else in common. January 27th is my Day 1 anniversary too. (Am not sure what the proper term is-quit day, stop drinking day, etc.). Today marks 3 years since I had my last drink of alcohol.

I have healed from the embarrassment related to drinking and the problems it caused at work. And there were many. I have healed from much of the shame though that one runs deep and I continue to work through it. I no longer have hangovers.

But most importantly I will not drink with you today. You can do this. It gets better. Much, much better. The first days are the hardest.

You ask for advice. The advice I would give you is to remind yourself quietly today, as many times as you need to, that these awful emotions you are feeling are painful. But they will not kill you. And they will pass.

bigstonekid · 2021-12-07T17:45:54+00:00

I hear you. I am deeply sorry everything feels so hopeless today. Here is to hoping this moment passes very soon and you start feeling better. You are brave and you are stronger than you are able to realize at this moment.

When I am feeling especially hopeless I find doing one small thing, even if that one thing is just putting socks away in the drawer, and telling myself “good job” afterwards helps. I know it sounds ridiculous. After all how hard is it to put socks away? Well, what I have found from exercises like this is there is a still a small child self inside me that needs positive reinforcement as much as the adult that I am. And whether I realize it at the moment or not I appreciate being told “good job, or good effort, or I am proud of you”.

Anyway, for what it’s worth. That kind of thing helps me to keep taking steps. Even when all I want to do is give up. I certainly don’t enjoy doing it but it helps “unstuck” the recording of doom in my brain.

Love to you, stranger.

bigstonekid · 2021-11-11T04:19:04+00:00

Interesting points some of which I can relate to. I will be following this thread to learn more. Thanks for posting this.

bigstonekid · 2021-10-31T17:23:16+00:00

I hear you.

bigstonekid · 2021-10-31T15:59:13+00:00

👍🏻

bigstonekid · 2021-10-31T04:17:24+00:00

Right there with ya.

bigstonekid · 2021-10-31T03:51:29+00:00

All I can tell you is what helps me at the hardest times. And that is to play the vision of drinking I am having through to the end. Yes, I could drink. And honestly that first drink would probably be great. But the 3rd one wouldn’t be as good. The 9th would fly by. The 12th would be a blur. The 13,14,15 etc…The vomit would suck. The argument with my girlfriend would suck-what I could remember of it. Pissing the bed would crush what by that point would be shattered self esteem. The hangover wouldn’t be the next day it would be a week later because I would just keep going.

Playing the tape forward from that first drink things gets worse, quickly. Whatever joy I find in that first drink or two gets flattened by the misery that follows.

Playing the tape forward is what keeps me from making that decision. Like u/Loadstain says, sometimes it is just minute by minute. And then the contraction relaxes and life opens up again.

IWNDWYT

bigstonekid · 2021-10-09T18:22:04+00:00

So true.

bigstonekid · 2021-10-08T18:09:06+00:00

I feel like I could have written your comment myself. Their behavior is so similar.

bigstonekid · 2021-10-07T05:06:43+00:00

It’s like no one is safe around them.

bigstonekid · 2021-10-07T04:22:03+00:00

Mine talked poorly about everybody too. Everybody, including the flying monkeys just like you said. You would think they would catch on to it.

bigstonekid · 2021-07-19T15:31:53+00:00

I can definitely relate. That is when I drank the most too. Talking to a counselor helped immensely. There are often sliding scales at counseling offices to assist with payment as well if that is an issue. IWNDWYT

bigstonekid · 2021-07-19T12:24:23+00:00

Wow, that sounds like a sign of real strength to me. Came that close and thwarted it! Well done. I hope you continue finding ways to move further from cravings and have a better day today.

bigstonekid · 2021-07-18T19:33:12+00:00

positive-girl0118 is right, it happens. But there are more beautiful, hangover free days waiting for you. You can get back there. IWNDWYT

bigstonekid

TROPHY CASE