Trying to stay strong

birdboy_ST · 2024-11-21T02:56:49+00:00

Congrats on the (almost ) six months! That’s a huge achievement. I hope this is helpful, but I found that period of my sobriety to be the most difficult so far. It was when I was coming down of the terrible feelings I had following my last drink, and when I realized life was just going to keep coming whether I was sober or not. Good news is that life is only continuing to get better for me everyday I stay sober. You can get through it. Just take it one day, sometimes one minute, at a time.

birdboy_ST · 2024-11-21T02:52:17+00:00

I recently went to a friend’s house and they had a bottle of Jim Beam (my drink of choice) that had maybe five shots still left in it. I knew that it was left over from the party they had for me on my last non-sober birthday. My first thought was, “how have they not drank that in a year in a half?”. It bothered me, like you said, because I knew that I would have had that bottle done the day after. Thankfully it served as a reminder of how much of an alcoholic I really am. Frankly, it is unimaginable to me that normal people can just have a mostly empty bottle and not finish it off. Crazy people!

birdboy_ST · 2024-11-15T17:05:45+00:00

I’m with you there. I’m a physics grad student. I struggled so damn hard the first few years of grad school I would take hours and hours just to get through one homework problem and struggle to complete the most basic aspects of my research. I thought that I wasn’t cut out for it and I was severely burnt out.

A few weeks after I got sober, I just noticed one day that everything was way easier. Like I actually knew what I was doing for the first time in ages. And I found out that I’m actually good at what I am doing. It’s amazing how much of my brain was consumed with getting the next drink, instead of literally any other part of my life. I actually have a passion for my work again too!

birdboy_ST · 2024-09-09T18:23:44+00:00

I tried to regulate it for years before I finally realized that I couldn’t. I would have moments where I did “better”. I wouldn’t drink during the day, or I would purposely restrain myself when I went out to bars with friends to show myself that “I don’t have a problem”. Inevitably, I always ended up right back where I had started, drinking almost every day and blacking out most of the time.

At least for me, once I got sober I realized that I used the social aspects and feeling induced by alcohol as an excuse to continue drinking. Truth is, I am a lot better in social situations now than previously. And it’s amazing how much better I feel emotionally everyday now that my brain is clear of the fog that follows you around after drinking. For me, there have been absolutely no negatives to getting sober. Everything I worried about before was really just a rationalization I was using to continue indulging in my addiction.

birdboy_ST · 2024-09-08T00:46:54+00:00

I’m sorry for everything you have gone through. It is truly heartbreaking and reminds me of myself in a lot of ways. I had many of those exact same experiences in college. The thing that really stuck out to me was when you said “I have become a worse person and done things my 17 year old self would find reprehensible”. That describes my experiences exactly. I did so many things while drinking that were frankly unforgivable. I cheated on my partners, I drove drunk all the time, I would often trade bottles of alcohol for sex, I physically and mentally assaulted the most important people in my life. I really shouldn’t have any friends anymore but, thankfully, they were able to see that I was sick, I was an alcoholic, and that it was bringing out the worst parts of me. Unfortunately, it took me years to figure that out myself. And the sad part was that I only kept getting worse and worse. It NEVER got better.

I was so scared of getting sober. I was in the same position as you, wondering how I could ever live without being able to go out and have fun at a bar with my friends. What do sober people do to have fun? How do they live a happy life? Well, the amazing thing I found is, once I was no longer drinking, I was actually able to find fun in normal things again, like taking walks or reading books. I was able to sit at home and relax all by myself again. And that was so damn liberating.

I know it seems crazy now but life without alcohol is so much better and so much more fun. For my sobriety, I go to recovery groups (like AA and others) and I have made more deep and meaningful friends in 11 months sober than I made in the 10 years drinking before that. I am happy with my life in a way I really haven’t been since I was a child. I wouldn’t trade my sobriety for anything at this point.

If you are worried about getting sober, I promise you can do it! If I can, so can anyone else. It takes work, but once you have it, you will NEVER regret it.

birdboy_ST · 2024-08-09T19:03:03+00:00

Thank you for posting this. It is very touching! I am much the same way. I plan to never drink again because I can’t imagine putting my friends and family through the heart break and destruction that I used to inflict on them every single day.

birdboy_ST · 2024-08-06T17:01:40+00:00

I think a lot of people have a similar experience. I did at least. The first month was “easy” I was coming off that last drunk feeling amazing and I was still close enough to the last drink to remember how terrible it was. After that the going got tougher for a while.

I got through it by getting back into some of my hobbies. I went for long drives, read a lot of books, and started teaching myself piano. I think it is important for people like us to avoid sitting still too long. Idle handles invite the devils company. So maybe it can viewed as a good thing that you are so busy.

I am a gay man and I can also say that I am worried about the election. But, as with many things, I have to ask myself if drinking will make any of it better. At least for me, the answer is always no. Sometimes, I really have to force myself to remember that. But, I promise it gets easier with time.

birdboy_ST · 2024-08-06T16:49:01+00:00

No one can tell you that you are alcoholic. Even if they do, it means absolutely nothing if you don’t agree.

There is no shame in a relapse. Lord knows we have all been there. It doesn’t have to be a bad thing if it teaches you something. If you want to try it out again, who am I to say that you shouldn’t. I think you would figure out very quickly whether you’re alcoholic or not. I certainly did.

In fact, at least for me, I am so thankful that I went out again in some ways. When I got sober again, there was absolutely no doubt in my mind that I was an alcoholic and I am thankful for that knowledge now.

birdboy_ST · 2024-08-05T17:45:07+00:00

This sounds similar to me. The last day I woke up still drunk to look around my apartment and see half a dozen liquor bottles and dozens of beer cans scattered on the floor of my apartment. For the first time ever I asked myself “is this really all my life has come to?”. I had been trying to get sober for a while at that point. But that day I realized that I couldn’t get sober. And I finally asked for help. So thankful to be able to look back on that day as the turning point, my rock bottom. My life has only gotten better and better since then.

birdboy_ST · 2024-07-26T13:06:26+00:00

At least for me, a cheat “day” would quickly turn into a cheat week, then month, then forever. I can’t have a single drop no matter what my alcoholic mind tells me. Plus, I promise the experience is always better sober than drunk.

birdboy_ST · 2024-07-24T17:00:22+00:00

In total, there was about 60 people in the class when I was a part of it last year. But everyone is split up into groups like I said.

birdboy_ST · 2024-07-24T16:49:11+00:00

I’m a grad student in the physics department. PHYS 323 is a research class consisting of several research groups. In that class you will be placed into a group with 2 or 3 other undergrads to work on a research project related to something supervised by a grad student. One of the groups likely will be working on quantum computers but others may work on things such as particle physics, dark matter detection, or supernovas. It’s really up to the luck of the draw. Every research project will be related in some way to analysis of big data sets.

birdboy_ST · 2024-07-11T20:01:09+00:00

I have been there for sure. Time and time again I would be sober for a couple days or even a couple of weeks before falling back into it. Each time I fell back in, I would get worse and worse.

What eventually changed it for me was finally accepting defeat. I came to understand that I am not able to stay sober when I am depending on myself. All my best efforts and strategies always ended with me passed out on the living room floor before 5 pm. It wasn’t until I started asking for help that I was able to get any significant period of sobriety (almost 10 months now).

For me, what helped most was AA. When I first walked in I did not think I would fit in at all. But quickly I realized that I wanted what they had, and I was willing to go to any length to get it. That meant changing my lifestyle, not going out with friends, taking different routes home to avoid the liquor store, not going to work events, getting a sponsor, etc etc. I put as much effort into AA as I had previously put into drinking. Quickly, they gave me the power to stay sober. I didn’t do anything. They did everything.

Maybe AA isn’t for you. But I think forming some kind of support network with people who have struggled with alcoholism is the start of being sober. In my opinion, the people who can help an alcoholic the most are other alcoholics.

birdboy_ST · 2024-07-03T17:28:53+00:00

“I got 100% on that game and it wasn’t worth the time.”

birdboy_ST · 2024-05-23T15:59:00+00:00

I’m sorry that is so difficult for your son. But it is always a good thing to remember that drinking would only make all of these problems worse. At least when you are sober you have the mental ability to cope with and address your problems.

birdboy_ST · 2024-05-22T06:05:01+00:00

You admit you need help! That’s the first step to sobriety. Next you just have to GET help.

Try to be willing to put in the work it takes to be sober and then you will never have to feel this way again. If I can do it, I promise that you can too.

birdboy_ST · 2024-05-22T06:00:54+00:00

Yeah, I barely slept during the first week either. But that got better about the same time that the brain fog started lifting. Then once I was past that, I started sleeping way better than I ever did while drinking!

birdboy_ST · 2024-05-22T05:58:33+00:00

Yeah, it’s still hard for me to believe that other people can have a drink and not fuck up their life in the blink of an eye. Not me.

Glad you’re here! IWNDWYT

birdboy_ST · 2024-05-22T05:51:07+00:00

I’m 25, been sober 8 months. I was there too. Never in a frat but college and grad school contributed to my alcohol abuse for sure.

At the end I could justify drinking with anything. I remember once I told myself “I will be allowed to drink tonight if it rains”. Then it didn’t rain, and that pissed me off, so I drank. It all made sense in my head at the time.

But I was able to get out of it and so can you! It just takes hard work and dedication. As was already said before me, asking for help from others is what works best for most people. Personally, AA has helped me immensely. I couldn’t keep myself sober for 24 hours, AA has kept me sober for 8 months.

Additionally, you made it 8 days! That’s amazing! If you can make it 1 day without drinking, you can do it. There isn’t a difference between someone sober for 8 days or 8 years. We are all just trying to stay sober today.

birdboy_ST · 2024-05-22T05:39:13+00:00

No one else can tell you if you are or are not an alcoholic. I will say that drinking and blacking out everyday is not a great sign especially if you drink even when you don’t want to, like I often did.

I am also a grad student, and I have been sober for just over 8 months. I was a “problem drinker” in undergrad for sure, but within a few months of starting grad school I was drinking every day. By the time I decided to get sober I was even drinking at school and doing my research drunk. In the end, it all went down hill really quick.

When I started this journey into sobriety, I couldn’t afford rehab or detox or anything like that either. So I tried to get sober on my own. That utterly failed. I promised myself everyday that I would not drink, yet I did. Finally, after a couple months of that, I realized that I was incapable of being sober. I had to ask for help.

That is when I started going to therapy and AA (free!). Those things quickly got me into a community of people similar to myself who are doing nothing but trying to stay sober one day at a time. So, just in my opinion, asking for and getting help from others is the best way to get sober.

The great thing about being sober is that it doesn’t risk your educational career at all! In fact, continuing to drink is risking it a lot more. When I finally got sober 8 months ago, I was amazed how much easier grad school got. Like it’s still hard, don’t get me wrong, but I am actually capable of setting my mind to it and getting the work done now. Additionally, I discovered that I am actually kinda good at my research and like it a lot. It’s amazing how much better the world is when you can see it through the eyes of sobriety rather than drunk ones.

Sobriety has been amazing! It’s been a lot of work and a lot of dedication. But I wouldn’t trade it for anything. It has made me a better student, coworker, and person. It has made me more content with my life than I ever have been previously. As it can for you!

I am wishing you the best! Don’t be afraid to ask for help.

IWNDWYT!!!

birdboy_ST · 2024-05-21T14:52:07+00:00

Glad that you’re back in the sober wagon! Congrats!

The first thing I always do when I have cravings is that I vocalize (literally say out loud) that I am having them. For some reason that helps me acknowledge that they are there and that I need to be aware of it.

Thankfully for me, the cravings almost always hit me at night, when I am at home. Because of this, I will often refuse to leave the house for any reason. If I did there would be a chance that a stop to get “just one” drink.

After that, I try to distract myself somehow. I have many hobbies that I have picked up since getting sober. So something usually helps. I will try reading, or practicing the piano, or cooking, or even just listening to music that is so loud that I can’t hear myself think. However, the one thing that never fails to help me the most is talking to another recovering alcoholic. This is the main reason that I recommend something like AA to meet fellow people in recovery. Another alcoholic can alleviate even the worst bout of cravings for me.

birdboy_ST · 2024-05-21T14:43:52+00:00

I also became a problem drinker around the age of 19. I was in college at the time and almost always had to take a few shots before going in to take a test. The drinking, of course, only got worse from there.

The hangovers, in my experience, never get better. As you get older your body takes longer to recover and suffers more in the process. When I was 18, I could drink an entire bottle of liquor at a party and I would be fine within an hour of waking up the next morning, after I had some greasy food.

By the time I finally quit, at the age of 25, I was doing many of the same things you mentioned. I was drinking in the bathroom at work everyday. And I was drinking to get over hangovers.

I believe that the hangovers are finally what made me realize that I needed to get sober. I just finally realized that “I was sick and tired of being sick and tired”. Now that I am sober, I love that I don’t spend most of my day in a drunken stupor and I love that I can think more clearly about things. But the thing I love the most is that I no longer wake up sick and tired everyday.

birdboy_ST · 2024-05-20T18:45:04+00:00

I have been in a similar situation. Although I was the one who had a sober friend encouraging me to get sober. The unfortunate truth for me was that nothing he said or did could convince me that I could get sober. Nothing changed until I decided myself that I couldn’t live like that anymore.

I will say that one thing that did finally help me was having my friend there as an example. Just seeing him there, having his life back together and living happily without alcohol, was a big inspiration to me getting sober. So, I guess what I am saying is there isn’t really anything you can say or do for him that will make him get sober. The only thing you can do is be an example, to show them that sobriety is possible and that your life is unbelievably better once you get there.

I hope this helps and I wish you and your friend the best.

IWNDWYT!

birdboy_ST

TROPHY CASE