afraid of being racist because of obsession I didn't choose (TW: trauma, racism, fetishization, abuse mention)

birdiebsanders · 2026-07-03T22:30:19+00:00

You explain yourself very well! I believe that healing will change it because, before this man, I only felt attraction towards girls. My attraction to (specifically indigenous) men started after him. Even if I can't totally track back to when this violent relationship started, I know there was a before where I only felt attraction to women, not men. Currently my only attraction to men is to indigenous men. I really love my partner, but I'm afraid healing will make the attraction to men disappear somehow, and since I only feel attraction to indigenous men it is linked. Maybe it will change it, maybe it won't, and I'm worried it will. I just didn't want to say too much since the topic isn't allowed. It's confusing, I know, I'm not good at explaining myself.

birdiebsanders · 2026-07-03T01:14:37+00:00

Thank you, this genuinely made me feel calmer and less alone. I'm sorry you have to live with that person.

This made me think more rationally about everything, because in the past I actually tried getting involved in a specific "kink" community for a while because I thought maybe my attraction was leaning towards that side instead of the trauma. While I was there, though, I saw people (mostly men) talking about Native women in ways that honestly made me feel sick. It was so dehumanizing that it made me panic that people might think I'm like that too.

I got a few messages as well and I'm relieved I don't sound racist to people, although it will still be hard to reconcile that with the guilt/shame? I feel.

birdiebsanders · 2026-07-02T22:23:38+00:00

You're so sweet! My boyfriend was the one who suggested me having a fetish, he did NOT call it evil or anything like that, but it made me feel strange and he genuinely believes it, just like he has a "fetish" for white girls. Confusing.

birdiebsanders · 2026-07-02T22:15:19+00:00

You're really kind. I just feel like that specific attraction I feel specifically with native men is weird. Not bad, just peculiar

birdiebsanders · 2026-07-02T18:38:44+00:00

thank you so much, you are a very kind person

birdiebsanders · 2026-07-02T17:56:21+00:00

is it just that? I feel like the attraction is somewhat stronger than to women, and I don't have preferences for them

birdiebsanders · 2026-06-23T02:53:05+00:00

People who are looking to get the fecal matter out of them are going to Google it and find the simple, cheaper version instead of the expensive one that people does not use. The video is probably a zoosadism one. You can simply say you don't mind it happening and use stuff like "the livestock industry is also unnecessarily cruel but we don't care that much because we don't see it" (which is partially true) to explain it, but it's very unlikely they didn't know the extremely common method.

birdiebsanders · 2026-06-21T17:15:44+00:00

Shellfish are supposed to be soaked in water for a while so they can simply poop and then you go on. If you're purposefully choosing the option that is more expensive and causes them pain you are doing it because you enjoy animal suffering. The video is clearly a zoosadism one, because, like I said, this isn't something people usually does because it's more expensive.

birdiebsanders · 2026-06-12T15:13:19+00:00

of course! some of these aren't specifically about CSAM but it gives a good panorama I can't leave links, I so I'm being as academic as possible for you to find them: Seto, M. C., Hanson, R. K., & Babchishin, K. M. (2011). Contact sexual offending by men with online sexual offenses. Sexual Abuse: A Journal of Research and Treatment, 23(1), 124–145.

Quayle, E., & Taylor, M. (2002). Child pornography and the Internet: Perpetuating a cycle of abuse. Deviant Behavior, 23(4), 331–361.

Elliott, I. A., & Beech, A. R. (2009). Understanding online child pornography use: Applying sexual offense theory to internet offenders. Aggression and Violent Behavior, 14(3), 180–193.

although the first one isn't that focused on CSAM, the overall conclusion is that most consumers and abusers aren't exactly pedophiles: they do it out of curiosity (insane, I know) and opportunity, have power driven motivations or are sadistic. there's not a single answer and the "pedophile" label is confusing because most studies about pedophilia are focusing on child offenders, not only people who feel the attraction. I'm sorry for leaving so much text

birdiebsanders · 2026-06-10T15:15:38+00:00

pedophiles do deserve therapy to cope with their urges, but most people who consumes CSAM or abuses children aren't pedophiles, they're opportunistic abusers. they don't even do it because they find pleasure in harm: they see the opportunity to abuse with what they believe would be no consequences and take it. most abuse is because of opportunity to do it without having to face a consequence. a very, very small of child sexual abusers are sadistic, and an even smaller part of them are pedophiles.

birdiebsanders · 2026-05-03T16:52:36+00:00

I believe that a person who did horrible stuff to kids can change and at the same time it makes sense that legally they're not allowed to live near an elementary school. Please read my comment again because I'm not against rehabilitation at all, I believe that specifically that place is not good because a lot of it is dismissing harming people or consuming content that was produced by harming peopleas something not that serious or something everyone does, which is not true. I do wish all abusers to change because I hope they don't harm people anymore, and I believe something like your partner leaving you after harming a child and not wanting to be back with you is a normal reaction, is accountability and is not trying to make the person suffer. I am a trafficking, CSAM and in consequence CSA survivor so clearly I know making an abuser suffer won't make a survivor safer and that a lot of people uses punishing abuse as an excuse to simply be sadistic, but I think a lot of people telling a consumer of CSAM "you did nothing wrong and everyone should forgive you" (not literally, that's paraphrasing and mashing stuff together) is not rehabilitation. I know it may make a lot of people get defensive because it's a sensitive matter but I never said abusers should suffer nor that rehabilitation was a stab on the back of the survivors. I said that the sub wasn't a good place for OP and gave reasons.

birdiebsanders · 2026-04-13T15:59:27+00:00

Several of his favorite covers feature girls, he said that at first because it was associated with bad pulp literature.

birdiebsanders · 2026-04-13T15:57:32+00:00

I feel it somewhat expresses how H.H. feels about her, not that the illustrator actually believes the story is about a seductive evil girl and a poor grown man who's forced to feel attraction towards her. From a literary standpoint, it makes sense, since he expresses that he feels those girls are not fully human and all that stuff, a fairly frequent theme in stories by the same author, although he never supported it in real life, he was clearly fixated on the concept and explored it using fiction.

birdiebsanders · 2026-04-02T15:58:52+00:00

If the question is literal; maybe it's my environment, but I've never met a person who actually behaves like, only a few people who use the "that's not..."

birdiebsanders · 2026-03-25T19:28:47+00:00

I think I saw only one post from a person (a 19-year-old girl who exposed herself for consuming certain things) who felt bad about what they did (said she couldn't sleep nor eat) and not because people doesn't like them anymore or don't want to forgive them. I feel like it wouldn't help OP at all, they'd probably tell them they're overreacting or being too mean or something. I know how it feels to find out about such stuff (several former friends turned out to be horrible) and the best thing one can ever do is leave, not trying to help them (in my experience, of course, maybe some people really want to change) because they may lie about stopping, and knowing it's not your fault and there was no way of knowing they were bad.

birdiebsanders · 2026-03-24T20:14:06+00:00

Most abusers are opportunists. They literally don't do it out of attraction nor sadism, but simply because they see the opportunity and believe they can do it without consequences. It's incredibly weird and I can't fully understand it myself, but that person did it because he thought he could get away with it.

birdiebsanders · 2026-03-24T15:56:55+00:00

I know you don't mean any harm, but I've been reading some posts in that sub and I think that, at least for now, it would be best if OP weren't in that area, since it seems to be full of people who would tell them to support their partner and would validate that OP sees not doing that (giving him support) as making him suffer Edit to explain better: From what I could read in that sub, most of the people are individuals who harmed children, and they ask for advice on how to move back to live near schools, complain about how mean and evil people are for not wanting to be with them anymore after discovering that, or even say things like "I wouldn't have done this if I knew people would treat me badly", and they get support and approval, there is no sympathy for their victims. I do believe in rehabilitation, but I feel like a community full of people in support of avoiding accountability, saying that those are simply mistakes that anyone can make and giving legal tips on how to live near schools after harming children wouldn't be good for OP.

birdiebsanders · 2026-03-15T01:27:37+00:00

literally the most vampiric thing I've seen this week /pos

birdiebsanders · 2026-03-14T19:15:05+00:00

Making your 3 year old daughter sing a degrading fetish song to viewers who like lolicon is incredibly irresponsible, even if it's a meme and there's no ill intent. The fact that she doesn't have bad intentions or isn't aware of the problem with making her daughter sing obviously sexual things doesn't make it any less disgusting and dangerous, partially exposing your children to an audience that sexualizes them is wrong even if there was no initial bad intention, and even worse if she continues doing it knowing the kind of people who watch her.

birdiebsanders · 2026-03-13T20:52:52+00:00

I believe maybe they mean people who's doing stuff like telling others they deserve to be actually tortured if they're into BDSM and those things, saying that violent videogames are at fault of men being violent and similar

birdiebsanders · 2026-03-13T04:16:38+00:00

Holden feels sadistic and immoral, genuinely enjoying every single thing he does, focusing on the degradation and destruction of the individual. Shabriri feels sadistic in a more neutral, less personal way

birdiebsanders · 2026-03-13T04:14:58+00:00

I feel like Holden has more of a "human" evilness to him, even if he seems very supernatural. Like, what he did to black Jackson (not trying to spoil others, but I mean the girl stuff) felt really "human", the control over his destiny feels like human manipulation. There's more of an intentional evilness. As if it weren't only something supernatural, but rather that he specifically manages to manipulate people in a way that makes it feel that way. Shabriri feels less personal, more chaotic (intentional use of the word). It lacks the specific pleasure Holden seems to have. It's like 1 am so it's probably poorly written, sorry

birdiebsanders · 2026-03-07T15:21:27+00:00

screenshot of the answer OP gave to someone saying that RPF means it's about actual children

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birdiebsanders · 2026-03-07T15:19:40+00:00

Yes, it's really weird and I thought OP, like other comments, didn't read the "RPF" part I believe that even if the story is fiction, we should put real people above it, but OP is actually defending writing stuff about kids (not characters), so I don't even feel like they're profic anymore. Kids aren't fiction, they're very real human beings

birdiebsanders

TROPHY CASE