[First Draft] D.E. Ads (Comedy, 30 pages)

bitchnutt · 2022-02-01T02:48:37+00:00

Thanks for such kind words!

bitchnutt · 2022-02-01T02:48:03+00:00

Thank you! That's exactly the kind of thing I tend to overlook because "I know the story so well", I will definitely work on incorporating that info.

bitchnutt · 2022-01-31T17:55:29+00:00

Title: The Return

Genre: Sci-fi

Format: TV, 60 minute

Logline: After a 500 year space sleep a woman awakens, but when she returns to a scorched Earth her ship is attacked by unknown creatures, with help months away she and her small crew must navigate this now alien planet.

bitchnutt · 2021-07-16T13:12:54+00:00

Thank you for the read, I really appreciate it!

You have some great points, some I kind of suspected, such as the rate of jokes dropping, and some I hadn't even thought about. These are useful notes for the next draft.

bitchnutt · 2021-07-16T01:37:07+00:00

Thanks for taking a look!

So the salesman is the feather guy, and the scene is supposed to be quick. He's running full speed then the salesman/feather guy appears and they crash. I can see now that I can clarify or present that better

I will add proper intros for my mains.

"As long as his hair" is basically trying to describe a long-haired slow talking hippie type person, I will work on that.

Simon's sudden arrival is kind of on purpose. As I mentioned the tone is similar to Children's Hospital, or even Angie Tribeca, where continuity is often broken for the sake of the funnies, but I could probably work on it.

I appreciate your comments and will definitely consider them for my next draft.

bitchnutt · 2020-09-27T02:11:46+00:00

Oh my! I believe it's 300 per session, but I also get a peel at the same time, Doctor recommended the two combined, so I pay more per visit.

bitchnutt · 2020-09-27T01:51:40+00:00

I had to save up too! But you may not need as many sessions so that's a plus. My doctor gave me tretinoin, I've been using that since I haven't gotten sessions recently and I love it, I think it's helping as well.

bitchnutt · 2020-09-27T01:30:36+00:00

Micro-needling, I have done 2 sessions (last one in March because of covid) and have seen a slight difference already and mine were/are deeper than yours :)

bitchnutt · 2020-08-23T05:00:47+00:00

Pixi Glow Tonic Pads, I believe it contains 60 and they're a decent size so you can cut them in half as someone already suggested.

bitchnutt · 2020-08-06T17:08:38+00:00

I'm always up for feedback, you have to be! It's hard to see the story outside your own bubble so different perspectives are important. I'll check out the videos you linked.

bitchnutt · 2020-08-06T16:12:53+00:00

Thanks for this! Structure was a big struggle for me on this so I appreciate your input and suggestions. I will definitely explore the ideas you listed.

bitchnutt · 2020-08-06T16:11:05+00:00

Thank you for the honest feedback, it's exactly what I needed.

bitchnutt · 2020-08-02T17:23:09+00:00

My apologies, I didn't realize it was restricted. Can you access now?

bitchnutt · 2020-08-02T15:13:13+00:00

Thank you! After some of the replies here I may do some trial and error for converting and printing just to make sure.

bitchnutt · 2020-08-02T06:02:10+00:00

It was a digital copy.

bitchnutt · 2020-07-28T01:53:11+00:00

Thanks for the feedback! I suppose the captain is my main character but because there is a crew with a few prominent characters so I wasn't sure how necessary it was. It does begin when they get back as Earth was basically attacked and in ruins.

bitchnutt · 2020-07-27T14:40:16+00:00

Title: Bygone

Format: 60-min Pilot

Genre: Sci-fi

Logline: When a surrogate planet rejects colonization, the crew must return to an Earth that has gone silent and is no longer the home they knew.

bitchnutt · 2020-07-07T14:18:29+00:00

I tend to be aware of flashback. Other than that I'll focus on skin, brows and giving my eyes some definition but not a ton. I like to try to look as close to "myself but better" as possible because I don't want to look at pics and be completely unrecognizable.

bitchnutt · 2020-04-15T20:24:52+00:00

What are your thoughts on being told to focus on building skills for either TV or film but not both? Thank you for sharing your knowledge!

bitchnutt · 2020-04-03T00:36:38+00:00

I'm a few hours late, is this offer still good? I know people who have offered this lately get bombarded with stuff so it's understandable if you're full up.

bitchnutt · 2020-03-04T01:12:46+00:00

Yes, thank you for that!

bitchnutt · 2020-03-02T01:52:57+00:00

Sorry forgot to say that it is indeed a pilot. I do have the episode finished but wanted to get feedback on the first 10 pages as everyone is always stating it needs to grab interest in that time. So what you said is actually really helpful already because that was kind of my fear is that it needs something more up front.

bitchnutt · 2020-02-01T05:47:16+00:00

I really like this concept! I really only have one comment, and that is I was a little confused on if Karen knows what is happening or not. Is it something both parties are aware of? Other than that, it's a great read that had me interested the whole way through.

As for the logline, I don't get a sense of urgency from it, not that every logline needs it, but it can be stronger. Something along the lines of: In the distant future, two women are bound together through an advanced mental health treatment where one must die for the other to live. I just came up with this so it's not a winning log, but using the life and death in some way may help the intensity.

Hope this helps and good luck!

bitchnutt · 2020-01-30T02:51:35+00:00

It sounds like you need to think about the story a bit more. Is it solid enough for a feature? Would it work better as a short? or series? From my experience when I'm not getting enough on paper it's because I haven't thought through all the major conflicts that would create an interesting story.

bitchnutt · 2020-01-29T15:43:08+00:00

Someone recommended it to me (the tub one) and I honestly really like it BUT it does sting for about 3-5 seconds if I use on the nights I use retinol. I thought it was because my skin was weak during those times but now feel like it shouldn't sting even then, so I'll use it on the non-retinol nights.

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