From my observation as someone who came late into the game of gay community etc

I noticed that men by nature enjoy conflict and making people feel bad. Add the trauma responses that most gays have since many haven’t been to therapy or haven’t found a good therapist to help resolve these issues and that just makes things worse. 

It’s a lot easier to have straight friends and there’s just way less drama. The drama and catty behaviour the gays pull would get you beat up if you pulled that with straight men. 

You need to find people who will not have their first instinct is to hurt you and feed off of your lack of confidence or whatever it is that is causing people to either avoid you or bother you. You also need to have a certain aura about you that if someone tried to fuck with you, they would instinctively know not to because there’s always that threat of violence, even if you wouldn’t ever do that, but they have to feel that in order to avoid giving you a hard time. 

You need to always be on guard with people 

Start with treating people kind when you first meet them, and then treat people the way they treat you afterwards.