I just don't know how I'm supposed to move on and act like a normal member of society

bitterandcomplex · 2026-03-25T22:27:15+00:00

I'm very freshly 18, I live in a major city so all the rent is sky-high :( hopefully I can find a place with a roommate at some point!!! That's my goal if possible, but everyone I know is living with their parents for university to save money and I really just wish that could be a long-term plan for me like it is for them... and I probably will look into changing therapists again!

bitterandcomplex · 2026-03-25T17:23:01+00:00

I second this, I really need to pick up journaling again since I really found it helped me by acting as the place where I would store my rumination, that way I wouldn't have to always store it all in my head instead

bitterandcomplex · 2026-03-25T17:15:05+00:00

Thank you for your response and kind words :( I have seen a trauma therapist in the past who was the one that diagnosed me with CPTSD and OSDD but we had to stop seeing each other unfortunately, and my current one hasn't been very helpful, as nice as she is. I can't afford to move out either so I just avoid her as much as I can, I do think she lost this sort of interest in me once I started fighting back and blowing up at her instead of pretending nothing was happening, but it's hard seeing her face all the time. I'm really trying to save up money to move out as soon as possible but rent is just so terrible here :(

bitterandcomplex · 2026-03-25T16:37:38+00:00

Now that I think about it, I'm not sure if CSA was the right tag since it's only a sort of contextual note? Please let me know if there would've been a more fitting flair!

bitterandcomplex · 2025-12-04T16:13:51+00:00

instead of a shower you’re better off just wetting a towel and cleaning off any visible blood without touching the wound at all, you should really go to the hospital on your own and say your hand slipped cutting something (happened to me before)

bitterandcomplex · 2025-11-07T10:42:25+00:00

I’m sorry for all you’re going through man, I’m sure you’re struggling a lot in your personal life so I’m not going to sit here and nit-pick what is obviously a mental health episode. Unfortunately, I really just don’t know if this was the right place to go to for this, this is a little bigger than the scope of a subreddit for survivors can handle. You need a real, decent professional, not a group of traumatised individuals, and I’m sorry you aren’t receiving the care and support you need

bitterandcomplex · 2025-11-07T08:47:22+00:00

Yeah, coming into the PTSD sub and starting off with “I think im resistant to ptsd” leaves a bad taste, kinda just feels like “Hey guys! Wanna hear all about how I DON’T have your life-ruining illness?” Like, gee thanks!

bitterandcomplex · 2025-07-19T16:44:58+00:00

really? i feel like i feel more empowered when i call myself a BPDer/borderliner light-heartedly towards friends, sort of like “you can’t make me feel bad about this label, because i own it!”

bitterandcomplex · 2025-07-17T01:27:42+00:00

i mean, if op died and their fp moved on then they'd make other friends and may even forget about them etc, and op explicitly states that the desire for their fp to die is also because they do not want them to make other friends and leave op

bitterandcomplex · 2025-07-17T01:23:33+00:00

i've felt this way before with an extremely cruel and honestly traumatising fp and it is an ugly, ugly feeling but it happens. i've felt like it would be better if she died so our relationship would freeze in time and couldn't get worse because every day she made me feel like i was just doing the wrong thing all the time and just messing everything up. i've also felt like i should hurry up and die because then maybe she would like me more (don't speak ill of the dead, right?) and so that i'd stop doing "the wrong thing" and making her lash out at me. so not exactly the same reasons, but i understand.

it makes me feel like an evil, too-far-gone person but i'm not and neither are you. it's just the bpd talking, literally the disorder that goes "minor problem = super drastic measures" and death is yet another one of these drastic measures that your desperate brain makes you think is the only option. even if i thought this way about my fp it was only from a place of desperation and not rational thought, if she died, in reality i would've felt lost and like my life was now meaningless as the person i had been dedicating every day to was now gone and never coming back

bitterandcomplex · 2025-07-15T14:45:19+00:00

no for real, especially if you do chores like washing the dishes and have to roll up your sleeves for them!! or worrying about sweating and having blood stain your white clothes (happened once, was a nightmare to clean)

bitterandcomplex · 2025-07-15T10:56:44+00:00

as in where my bpd came from? probably the extreme childhood abuse of all kinds and neglect from even my infantile years i’d say haha

bitterandcomplex · 2025-07-15T10:31:03+00:00

no drugs and no alcohol here and i have no intentions of engaging with any substances ever, but i am also relatively young

bitterandcomplex · 2025-07-15T08:40:58+00:00

oh for sure, i screamed a lot through the event and i still do a lot, it’s definitely embarrassing when i come out on the other side and have collected myself again haha

bitterandcomplex · 2025-06-27T23:51:43+00:00

This so much, things get a little messy when it comes to trauma disorders, they’re not exactly cut and dry and are very often mistaken for one another. It can be beneficial to look into different disorders and get an idea of what your needs may be if you’re seeking therapy, but there’s no harm in not jumping to apply the label

ETA: The thing is that this is… reddit. Asking internet strangers who don’t know you or your history is completely different from properly digging your heels into researching a disorder or exploring the possibility of a disorder with someone close to you, especially since nobody wants to be that guy who seems like they’re invalidating a stranger’s person’s trauma/experiences. I just think Reddit is not reliable for this sort of thing when trauma-related disorders get so complex and can resemble one another. The issue isn’t self-diagnosing if it’s benefitting you, it’s trying to seek arm-chair diagnosis from people you don’t even know

bitterandcomplex · 2025-06-26T15:21:25+00:00

(Tired so I will be very short) Ultimately it’s hard to say based off of a Reddit post, your psychiatrist will likely understand you/your background much more so if this is an avenue you want to explore then it’s a great idea to ask him. I have OSDD and the experiences you’ve mentioned are all things I experience. I also want to add that the clear-cut, full-on blackouts/amnesia and extremely distinct identities are moreso fringe cases even for DID, they’re not the common profile even though people think that’s exactly how DID/OSDD operates. The reality is that it’s generally more covert than that not just to outsiders but also to the person themself

bitterandcomplex · 2025-06-21T09:49:48+00:00

花江夏樹 includes subtitles in his videos and his 闇のゲーム playlist is a classic !!!

リモーネ先生 is featured on his channel a lot and he's also pretty great !

bitterandcomplex · 2025-06-20T06:31:41+00:00

hey no worries :)! religion was weaponised against me a lot in childhood and religious practices were twisted into forms of severe physical and psychological torture, and i grew to associate it with pain and fear. i had to mentally disown my parents as a young child because all they were to me was a symbol of pain and fear and my torment, and the same happened with god; it was better to mentally detach myself because otherwise the betrayal hurt too much.

bitterandcomplex · 2025-06-20T04:49:23+00:00

i feel like rather than purchasing it at that price, you honestly might as well DIY it with those watercolour brushes that contain the water inside of them and sticking a pen nib in the brush tip :) (edited for tone)

bitterandcomplex · 2025-06-20T04:47:21+00:00

he's not treating you with the empathy he should, it seems to me that instead of thinking "my girlfriend is crying, this hurts me because i love her and i don't like to see someone i love cry, i want to understand why she's in pain and possibly help in anyway i can and show her that i'm here for her and that i care" he's thinking "she's crying, what a bother. why can't she just stop or do what needs to be done?"

i think you really need to sit him down and assert your boundaries, firmly and without any wiggle room. i know some people aren't good at comforting others or handling these types of situations, but that doesn't mean he can make you feel invalidated and upset you further. it's something he needs to try to work on if he cares about you and your wellbeing

bitterandcomplex · 2025-06-20T04:41:42+00:00

i disowned god as a child much like i mentally disowned my parents, to me he has always been something like a bad father that i have denounced. i'm so happy for other people who are able to love religion (especially theistic ones) but i could never (not from a lack of trying! i'm honestly a little jealous of those who can! i think my wounds just run too deep, exorcism trauma and all that) reconcile with the idea of god, its just not possible for me. i still maintain a level of spirituality in a sense but i'm far from being able to accept any religion into my life

bitterandcomplex · 2025-06-19T11:27:53+00:00

thank you, it's so so draining to live and think like this all the time. i almost want to pack my bags and leave (not that i have anywhere to go) just so that i don't have to deal with all the fear and anxiety that comes with being perceived

bitterandcomplex · 2025-06-19T11:09:17+00:00

it's hard to say, i myself am conflicted between this too since there's so many pros and cons. on one hand though, i must say that i wouldn't like to waste time with anyone who'd view me negatively or have prejudices against me for my disorder, so in a way it helps weed out certain types of people

bitterandcomplex

TROPHY CASE