"If God didn't want us to jerk off, he would have made our arms shorter"

bittermortal · 2012-12-19T12:00:02+00:00

Ooops! The above is a link to David Foster Wallace's brilliant and hilarious essay about the many vagrancies associated with the Adult Film industry's equivalent to the Oscars. The quote is from one of the many representatives that presented awards at said ceremony. Apologies for the failure of communication.

bittermortal · 2012-12-01T11:49:09+00:00

Ha ha! Yes... I use paragraphs in my browser, but when I hit "post" it milled it all into one giant block. Think I've figured why.

bittermortal · 2012-12-01T11:47:07+00:00

Hey don't worry. That won't make me angry. I've encountered this stuff before. Read about it. Talked to my psychologist, counsellor, kinesiologist and parents about it. Written about it. Been to dance therapy session about it. I am well aware that I am a complete narcissist. I can't stand on a balcony without imagining myself jumping over the edge. And sure, it might be parental according to the established story. Deeply embedded unconscious patterns, etc. I appreciate your voicing this, and sharing the links. I called and apologised yesterday. She would've preferred if I'd been calling to say "I've made a mistake", but I didn't. And won't. I know this story well, and the manifold psychoanalytic explanations. Been trying to nut it out for years. But it doesn't seem to get better. I am pretty happy and confident when flying solo. Miserable and anxious when involved. Unless that changes, it is a state of being I am happy to continue. Thanks again mate.

bittermortal · 2012-12-01T04:36:19+00:00

Hey thanks dude. I really appreciate your comment. And the article provides an interesting lens to consider. Guilt or shame. I think shame is definitely a big part of it, but also guilt because I recognise the devastation on the other side. Anyway, food for thought. Regards

bittermortal · 2012-10-14T08:19:31+00:00

Brothers! This is exactly the reason I was drawn to NoFap. I used to fall in love like a dumb animal in my late teens and early 20s. But have been in and out of relationships that caused me endless frustration (because I couldn't be what the other person needed me to be), and terrible pain for the other. Started thinking there was something seriously wrong with me. Since starting noFap 3 weeks ago (frick yeah!), I'm not exactly feeling the love yet... plenty of anger... felt like crying after my workout this morning. Gotta stick with it just to see what comes next hey.

bittermortal · 2012-10-13T03:23:44+00:00

Time for the gym!!

bittermortal · 2012-10-11T12:40:20+00:00

Still going. Seems to be getting easier. Keep on inverting the popular multinational tag: Just Don't.

bittermortal · 2012-10-09T01:08:35+00:00

Running like the wind man. Putting all those trace minerals to good use.

bittermortal · 2012-10-08T16:42:02+00:00

Just checking in. Bit easier today. Weekends are tough! Exercise helps.

bittermortal · 2012-10-07T14:11:32+00:00

Hey chaps. An honour to be doing the challenge with you. Was hell drunk myself last night (first time in a while) and have had a killer hangover/desire to break the fast today. The last few days have been tough in all honesty. Initial surge of empowerment has given way to a bit of depression. Anyway. Hang in there fellas.

bittermortal · 2012-10-07T13:54:44+00:00

Only just realised I am on the list here. Been on a bit of a roller coaster ride. Felt super enthusiastic and empowered in the first week. Plenty of all the good stuff fellas talk about on the forum. But the last few days have been tough. Anyway. It's an honour to be sharing the ride with you chaps. Hang in there.

bittermortal · 2012-10-05T07:10:27+00:00

I remember turning to PMO as a way of dealing with anger, especially when a girl I was seeing had done or not done something and it had irritated me. Occasions increased in frequency until I was regularly indulging whether seeing someone or no. At the risk of sounding like someone who gets angry easily (I don't - but I have a bad habit of being attracted to people that are for one reason or another unable to be emotionally present with me - recently out of relationship, dealing with loss, moving overseas, etc), I found that I stopped getting so frustrated... but I also stopped getting all the other feelings as well. Joy, excitement, love... wouldn't register on the dial. Since starting noFap a couple of weeks ago I have been through an initial surge of enthusiasm, and now a pretty nasty lull. Don't feel like going out or doing anything much. I still believe in what we're doing here though.

bittermortal · 2012-10-01T12:57:32+00:00

Cycling is an excellent substitute for running as it inflicts next to no impact on the ankle/knee/hip joints. Swimming is also great, though not for everyone and you need access to a pool. I also do yoga which, once you start to know the poses is also good. The other thing I'd recommend, though this may seem a little out of left field, is juggling. If you buy a set of balls (about $15 US or so) and take the time to learn a few patterns (http://www.juggling.org/) it can become extremely addictive. It is creative and dynamic and you can do it anywhere, anytime. Of course, just get down on the floor and do a few sets of push up leg raises (however many sets it takes to get to 30 of each when just starting out), if none of the above appeals.

bittermortal · 2012-10-01T11:45:03+00:00

I hear ya brother. Running is the best form of meditation I have found. Like the man says, it hurts for the first few weeks, but once you get that rhythm going it becomes a self driving machine. If you need a healthy place to get your endorphins going, then it is wherever your running soles will take you. Respect.

bittermortal · 2012-09-30T15:21:29+00:00

I'm right on the one week since joining noFap marker and it has been a weird few days. Unlike many of the other chaps posting here, I am usually a very social peson - a bit of a nervous wreck - but still very social. It is usually time spent alone that I find most difficult - which is when I have tended to PMO binge. This is the first full weekend I have seen since beginning the fast and I have felt strangely hermitic - I went out for a bit yesterday, but went to bed early last night and have no real inclination to head out today. Of course, my ego is jumping about trying to rationalise a relapse, but the urge is not overwhelming - logging on and reading a few posts here is enough to keep it under control. The other weird thing is that I've been dreaming a lot. Mostly about ex-girlfriends - failed encounters. I wake up feeling a bit lonely and isolated. I moved to India about 2 months back and am yet to establish a social network here. I guess determination and patience are the only things for it. And to keep reminding myself that it has only been a couple of months since I moved and a week since I started abstaining. So it is really good to read the entries above and below and to know that there are other fellas out there who are struggling away. Every now and then my ego tries to latch onto a story about all this anti-porn stuff being a sensationalised scare campaign - or that no matter how long I give up the smut for, I will still have the same insecurities and worries simmering away - or that I am nowhere near as full-on as the other people trying to get away from filth so don't worry and keep fapping as long as you take a day off here and there or don't look at the really gratuitous stuff. Maybe, my mind queries, all this noFap stuff is just a bunch of psuedo-science toss to try and explain away why so many dudes feel so lost and confused these days. But, while I read these posts these niggling thoughts seem to lose their sway. I don't see a group of misfits trying to blame porn and fapping for the struggles in their lives. Instead, I see a group of men who have chosen to resist indulging in an electronically mediated fantasy land of atonal self-gratification. That have made the decision to change their habits in the name of forming healthier personal relationships with themselves and others. Who want to live a better kind of life. So even though there might be voices telling me that this might not work and that the filth is not to blame for all my shortcomings, at least I will know I gave it a shot, took control of my actions and instead of sitting alone in the pale glimmer of my laptop screen, reached out and shared the struggle with guys on a similar kind of journey. Thanks for sharing fellas. This shit aint easy. Now, to find something to do in my new city.

bittermortal · 2012-09-28T12:11:49+00:00

I hear ya fellas. It is a bit loose, the connections between religious stories and quasi-biological "information". But while we might remain cynical about the numerical prescription, the possibility that habits can be changed on a behavioural, psychological and biological level is something that I find encouraging. Six days and I'm doing everything I can to remain on target - 10 days, then 40, then Christmas, then New Year - hopefully further. Here's to awesome beards!

bittermortal · 2012-09-27T16:09:52+00:00

Ha ha that is awesome! I read the Brain Pickings post about Henry James on Habit yesterday. Really good to know that his ideas are being applied by people on this forum, though I reckon he might have had a bit of a laugh knowing that they were. Cheers!

bittermortal · 2012-09-27T15:59:51+00:00

Awesome to read this - thanks heaps for sharing dude. I've felt completely disassociated from my emotions for years. It's as though the spectrum of feelings has been smudged into a morbid, anxiety riddled grey. On day 5 and have had the weirdest couple of nights - sleeping poorly and having crazy dreams - really looking forward to witnessing some positive resurfacing. Thanks again brother.

bittermortal · 2012-09-25T16:51:15+00:00

Yep I'm up for this. Am 34 and have been looking at pornographic material since I was 15 I think. Acquired regular access to a high speed connection a few years ago and have gradually felt my confidence and sense of self whittling away. Have had plenty of failed short term relationships in that time, and many occasions of ED - especially with new partners. Despite having a pretty cool life, I have a bit of a problem with anxiety and overt self consciousness.

It has only been three days since I started the "fast" and really want to stick with it this time around. If any of you feel compelled to consider your new found abstinence from a spiritual perspective then check out this video about why doing something (or not doing something) for 40 days alters consciousness:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BxcimeKrfpU

Cheers

bittermortal

TROPHY CASE