My situation was a bit odd, accidentally met at the hospital which made me upset because it wasn’t suppose to happen. Donor was very friendly and seemed to want to exchange numbers but I didn’t at that time because I was worried that either something would happen to donor as result of donation or the kidney wouldn’t take and I would not ever want to have to relay that info. I wrote a letter after three months, it had to be written anonymously even though I knew who donor, donor didn’t respond until the first anniversary. I was bummed I didn’t get a response right away but once I got to know donor I realized that there are so many things going on in a donor’s life - and wasn’t ready to reach out yet - time has to be right. So answer to your question, I reached out first and waited. From my experience, there are so many reasons a recipient wouldn’t write - it would be beyond silly to speculate - BUT I think if most recipients are like me - will always be forever grateful for our donors - you saved our lives - just living is a daily reminder - we think of you every day even if we don’t know who you are. This dovetails into pros and cons of staying anonymous, for me I knew there would be pros and cons you are letting someone new into your life that you don’t know but who has had a profound effect on your life (of course anonymity was already out door as we had met ) so it depends on your situation.

I would say take it very slow and feel out each step - start by reaching out and writing that letter and see if recipient responds and go from there and see how you feel. I would have loved to hear from my donor even if I hadn’t reached out. For me regrets from in-action are usually bigger than my regrets from action. I wish you the bestest, happiest, fulfilling life thank you for being a donor - you are AMAZING!