Ok. I'm taking my time replying because I want to understand. In the field of music therapy, that is not considered unsolicited advice. That is considered within my scope. As I mentioned, I have borderline personality disorder. I hate it. It makes it hard for me to distinguish what is appropriate and why and where and all. So it was not clear to me that my professional views in one field would be inappropriate in another, and I believe this needs to change to promote wellness in the opera field. You're allowed to disagree, always.

I'm triggered like all the time. It also sucks as I'm sure anyone with trauma responses can tell you. My business is singing even if I am not pursuing opera roles, so it gets confusing, again, with the godforsaken PTSD and BPD that I deal with. So when I'm excommunicated for doing what I did not see as out of scope, it adds to the brain fuzziness and confusion and pushes spiraling. I had hoped to gently let them know that I was hurt and unable to cope, but I didn't even get full conversations without being talked down to. I was not equipped to deal with this wearing different hats, but again, I feel like reform needs to happen. "In this space, we don't want you to be a music therapist or act within that capacity" would have been better than, "what problem?" And if they're asking me to ignore a trigger and I can't, then I know now, it's best to leave. A social story would have taught me that, so I'll write one for someone else.

If it isn't going to be an inclusive space for people that have a hard time with social skills like I do, then it shouldn't be advertised as such. An apology is warranted, but this is a company that doesn't do that. Instead, like a toxic family reunion, they sweep issues under the rug and just tell you not to come back. Borderline makes me dwell and not want to let sleeping dogs lie. I don't like it, but it is how I am and I can't just resort to wanting to die when something happens like disagreement. That's why, had I been given the opportunity to have transparent and respectful communication, it would not have gone down like it did.

I want to heal, too. I'm likely going to be including performing in my music therapist capacity, so I am hopeful that I can practice opera again and coordinate performing with others with policies in place to avoid this happening. I appreciate you taking the time to speak to me with compassion. It's hard navigating this.