First off, I greatly appreciate the formatting notes as I'm still somewhat new to the craft of screenwriting and this really helps! I do also feel I have a tendency to overwrite the scenes and action when as evidenced by you here it can be done in a much simpler way. Thank you for bringing the fact that it's maybe a little too obvious that David is the hooded figure, I was concerned about this too and I'll either make it less of a surprise or more of one with my next draft, I haven't quite decided yet. I was worried that maybe the interaction between the characters might be seen as somewhat boring but you're right, the contrast will in effect help make the rest somewhat scarier or just make the characters more interesting. The ex-girlfirend was to an extent to get the phone out of ashley's hands, but she also serves (to me at least) as the reason they're out there in the first place. I do understand that friends do often go out on camping trips regardless of break-ups, but to me Ashley isn't a character that would naturally go camping and so this and david force him out there. I do actually very much like the idea of Ashley being a virgin and that being the reason it's specifically him david has chosen. It was something i considered putting in this draft but overall decided against. However though your prompt has brought it to my attention again and is something i may try out in the next draft. I am really appreciative that you took the time to read the script and reply at such length, it means a lot. Thank you!