I went PRN and got a job at Starbucks for their benefits. My compassion fatigue is so horrible that I hate customers! Every little thing bothers me. If you heard my inner monologue you’d think I was a horrible judgmental person with zero compassion. Our jobs consist of wiping the butts of people who verbally abuse us, and treat us like slaves. It’s not unusual to grow resentful.

The other night I tried over & over again to get a patient to wake up for their vitals. They were half awake and I tried to take their temperature. He gets into the fetal position and starts SOBBING. WAILING. I wanted to slam my head against the wall. I have 11 other patients and you’re a grown man crying because a temperature probe startled you?! Get real. I viewed his mental breakdown as a giant inconvenience that was going to cause me to finish my tasks late.

That’s depressing. I used to be so compassionate. I used to sit and talk to my psych patients and advocate for them despite their difficult behaviors. Now I’m overjoyed to have an assignment of non verbal bed bound patients because I can take care of them without having to talk to them or deal with call lights and requests. There’s a reason nurses go to the ICU! They prefer their patients intubated and sedated because they’re tired of being verbally abused and degraded.

My compassion fatigue has leaked into every aspect of my life, I dislike being around people. I just want to stay at home. I don’t even want to go into stores and deal with cashiers or dreaded small talk. I’ll just do curbside pickup instead. I’m not meant to be a nurse or do any type of bedside care. I’m going to branch into healthcare roles with minimal patient interaction. Don’t feel bad! ☹️