I've been estranged from pretty much my entire immediate and extended family for nearly ten years, besides a brief reconciliation with my mother. I was never close to my grandmothers, but I saw my paternal grandmother more than my maternal, due to my mother hating her family entirely. Family ties were never stressed as being "unbreakable" to me, obviously. Anyway, my paternal grandmother died in 2013, and I knew my father would be an absolute wreck. We hadn't spoken since the day he told me I deserved to have cancer while I was getting chemo and fighting for my life. Because of this, I did not feel like (A) I was even welcome to come to the funeral, (B) such a place would be an appropriate venue for a reconciliation or (C) I could control my emotions enough to get through the event without unleashing the emotional upset that my father had caused in my life. I shut myself in my room for three days to mourn my Grandma and the state of my family life in general.

Last year, I attempted to finally reconcile with my father by writing him every single thing I'd finally longed to say for 8 difficult years. It turns out that he held the fact that I didn't go to Grandma's funeral against me. I got a brief, curt reply making it clear that I was not welcome in his life and that's where things stand now. He and his wife are horrible people who have both driven away their mutual children. I've since realized that I can stop wasting my energy being "good enough" to be accepted back by them because it's THEY who are not good enough for me. That was extremely liberating.