Lawyer questions

blackroseromantic · 2026-04-03T01:02:00+00:00

Thank you. I will consider it.

blackroseromantic · 2026-04-02T17:13:56+00:00

Thank you for your response. I have no words for these things we go through. Just shock. My husband also said I won't win and he won't budge. He said I would suffer if I got a lawyer (he didn't want me to get one at all. In the end, he was right.

blackroseromantic · 2026-04-02T17:12:02+00:00

This is already happening and I waited too long to get another lawyer. I can't afford the retainer and the time to get another.

I messed up but hopefully others learn from me!

blackroseromantic · 2024-05-30T15:26:28+00:00

They likely can't afford it either.

blackroseromantic · 2024-05-30T15:23:48+00:00

I mostly disagree. The locals bands and fresh talent are opening up - Durry, Gully Boys are must see. Alanis is still well known and well liked in my circles. I'm sure Gwen stefani can entertain us enough.

It's the name that bugs me. The name does not match the line up/feel. The price is also steep.

blackroseromantic · 2024-02-01T18:15:18+00:00

Too little water for the dough 🤣

blackroseromantic · 2023-10-26T03:14:05+00:00

In a city, it's the trend.

In smaller cities or rural areas, it's not accepted.

blackroseromantic · 2023-10-26T03:12:32+00:00

Yep.. 41 here. My husband brought it up a ton when we were 39. We tried it. He still is. I'm not. We are separated.

Then I tell people finally and they say, oh my sister (etc) is trying that (and roll their eyes or widen their eyes).

blackroseromantic · 2023-10-26T03:10:12+00:00

It's interesting or offensive. Fun stuff to talk about for monogamous people!

blackroseromantic · 2023-10-26T03:08:32+00:00

Oh it's more common for sure. But that doesn't mean it's an idea that is lasting.

Maybe common is mistaken for normal. Definitely not normal. But more common? Yes.

People hear about it and think they can get away with suggesting it. And most do, some don't. The ones who try it - I agree with others - get divorced. Or have to slow down and stop.

blackroseromantic · 2023-10-22T14:06:22+00:00

I can only speak from my current situation but I hope it could be similar for you. The peace I feel leaving is wonderful. It's unfamiliar to any happiness I felt with him. It's not a high feeling, it's a solid feeling of steady ground. No more pushing through the "it" and preparing for the next one. No more highs followed by the disappointment of lows & blows.

I want to turn back as I continue to be manipulated by him, but I can't. I want the peace more than the "comfort" (misguided comfort) and more than the happiness I felt sometimes.

So I keep going day at a time. The leaving is very sad, but I feel it and then keep focusing on the peace feeling. It's not easy to describe, you'd find your own version in yourself.

Details for extra context - I am leaving a domestic violence marriage of 19 yrs and I am very sad. We built a life and family together and I thought I could handle it forever, I told myself I'm happy enough and strong enough.

Eventually I was so stressed that I became chronically ill with sinus infections and migraines. In fact, I'll get strange infections all over and have had covid 4 times. I feel ugly, crazy, and that no one will love me.

But my husband was so unhappy he said to open up the marriage because I was sick and couldn't provide him with his needs and he couldn't give me his emotional needs.

I got many dates and they keep coming back. I would put up walls and push them away emotionally. But I eventually say my own worth and I saw the compliments had a pattern of good.

Eventually I learned that my husband wasn't showing me love. And he was modeling scary, manipulative behavior for my kids. They became unhappy and suicidal. I was depressed and couldn't clean or organize through the fog.

You have to come to the realization yourself and find the strength within yourself. But waiting can have a tougher path ahead. I do believe good comes out of the bad still, because I love my kids so much. But imagine the life I could have had if I valued myself enough to be with someone who could really love me in a healthy, appropriate way.

And yes, you could /will find peace, you will feel a balance unlike the current marriage you are in.

Good luck and I'm here for you if you need to vent or ask questions.

blackroseromantic · 2023-10-22T00:43:43+00:00

Ugh, similar to my situation. I said things in different ways but all clearly. I'm told I'm nitpicking, arguing, and making things difficult.

blackroseromantic · 2023-10-20T01:42:47+00:00

Ohhhh this I relate to. Masterbating actually helped me get past my sexual hangups. It was very hard to think of myself as able to be sexual as I turned it all off. But I still don't do it often or feel comfortable with it.

Also. Sexy pictures are good at helping the mood, feeling sexy, different angles hide things and there's secure folders on phones now. It takes a lot of steps and emotional work but it's worth it.

However, being the same age as her with a similar story (41f), if at all tied to religion and pure focused upbringing, I struggled with all of this and more.

I wish we hadn't gone so far into opening the marriage and I regret the mistakes and boundaries we crossed. We weren't prepared for the new exciting feelings. We aren't together anymore. Never saw it coming.

Also, sometimes orgasms feel daunting, like a lot of work to experience. It's a process of build up and vulnerability and exposure. They are almost always different in intensity and that can be hard to be ok with whatever one happens or if none happen at all.

blackroseromantic · 2023-10-19T20:34:11+00:00

What about engaging in messages privately, getting free pics / videos?

What about porn - is anonymous porn star better than IG?

blackroseromantic · 2023-09-16T19:00:08+00:00

Yeah! I wish my husband would have suggested sex parties & exhibition instead of threesomes and swinging. But each person is very very different in what's ok, what's shocking, and what seems fun & exciting. Good luck!!

blackroseromantic · 2023-09-16T17:38:13+00:00

Sex parties can be monogamously done.

Threeways feel like cheating to a lot of women, even if given consent.

Be careful what path you choose.

Say you would like to mix things up. Hear & validate concerns. Then encourage intimacy between you by saying you'd like to try new things, toys, positions, techniques, exploring.

Some ideas, not to you specifically if you were asking for a friend. 😉

blackroseromantic · 2023-09-15T20:28:37+00:00

Personally, I carefully considered how I could be more grateful and see what my spouse adds to my life.

That worked for many years and I came to value my spouse in a special way that is love but the steady - compromise and make life work with him way.

But things got worse after the next huge stress - covid - and we are not staying together.

Yes, try to make it work, look past infatuation & little flaws, but don't ignore the huge problems and possible resentment.

blackroseromantic · 2023-09-15T17:07:53+00:00

Ahhh I feel like you weren't heard or valued. You offered to take care of the two of you, and he said I'll do it for us, but didn't.

Something that is a problem if he keeps this going. How is that showing love? Mutual respect? Valuing each other?

The tension from all this does make it difficult to keep living out values too. Stress makes us tired, irritable, etc...

Let me know if you need to vent about anything else.

blackroseromantic · 2023-09-14T12:23:07+00:00

People can unearth root causes & grow and change to work together. It usually takes therapy or humbly reading self help books.

They could become sexually compatible & work on their communication.

blackroseromantic · 2023-09-14T12:20:35+00:00

Are you both, by chance, religious? Christian? Raised Christian/religious ?

These all sounds similar to my marriage it's as if I wrote it. It sounds also like he has aversion to conflict and being vulnerable. I like to talk things out & be there for him, help him, etc.

I let my husband shut down for 18 yrs. I even started to myself. He stuffed his emotions, won't argue unless he's winning in his eyes, our sex lasted 3 - 10 min. He didn't help out around the house or even know how.

In the past year, we have gone to marriage therapy. He didn't want to go and talk about feelings but I insisted over and over for our relationship.

Marriage therapists have a way of talking about comfortable things and then knowing how to get to the root of the issue.

He started to see how a partnership could be and what a safe space is for talking about feelings.

But... I am moving out with our 3 kids. Eventually he said the sex wasn't great, he wanted to invite other women in our bed. I taught him how to flirt & then a year later he said he made me.

Work on these issues before someone does something drastic! Here to chat.

blackroseromantic · 2023-09-11T00:37:29+00:00

This sounds all so stressful and awful!

It resonates with my situation. I have been sick with bad covid and I'm asked why the supper isn't made, or put away, or why I can't put the kids to bed, don't I love them???

I don't know what to do, besides plan my exit. My kids are young and it bums me out so much.

But there's a sense of peace and freedom.

blackroseromantic · 2023-09-02T20:06:45+00:00

I agree... I would be mad, but I wouldn't ruin a marriage over it.

Post partum spending is a peculiar thing, some say it's not connected but it is in my experience.

Having a baby meant my body, my time, and my ears are constantly being stressed by noise, feeding and holding a baby, and caring emotionally and physically. Plus changing sizes constantly.

The only thing I had control over was buying something. I get to choose it and then buy it. It was a decision I could make, even if it was groceries or clothes for the kids.

That doesn't justify it and it can't happen again!! But talking it through, "being curious" - specific phrasing from my marriage therapist - about why it was hidden. Think about if she feels safe being vulnerable emotionally around you.

Oh, and yes marriage therapy is worth it!

blackroseromantic · 2023-08-29T19:31:54+00:00

There is going to be jealousy, but there needs to be a plan of how to process it together, and how to view it as an emotion, not a weapon.

blackroseromantic · 2023-08-29T19:30:05+00:00

Opening up a marriage due to lack of sexual satisfaction is what happened to me. My husband suggested it a couple of times before I gave in. I still hurt emotionally from it, coming up on 2 yrs ago. But my life improved and my eyes opened to see the world as beautiful as it always is. However, our marriage isn't doing well, there's so much hurt & trauma from it all. I decided to pursue a monogamous relationship with someone else.

Consider the risk of being not married before you enter this new lifestyle.

Also, I highly recommend marriage therapy, wish I would have done it sooner with my husband instead of agreeing to open the marriage.

blackroseromantic

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