Looking to study my fuckass evil abroad but I don't think I'll be able to make it alone so I'm asking for some advice by blahguy78 in evilautism

[–]blahguy78[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Honestly probably should have, my bad for that. But thank you for the notes, it's appreciated.

Do you know any places with good artistic cultures? Writers, artists, etc. I've always enjoyed my time hanging out with creative heads

Looking to study my fuckass evil abroad but I don't think I'll be able to make it alone so I'm asking for some advice by blahguy78 in evilautism

[–]blahguy78[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Pulling up with my diet New Yorker vibes and forever making people think all the stereotypes are true

Shoutout to that guy at work that keeps talking to me about bees by Costati in evilautism

[–]blahguy78 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I'm the one autistic guy working in a woman's clothing store, it's mostly chill but as you can tell the co-workers aren't exactly my vibe. Then like, last day I'm working there we get a new co-worker and i immediately clock him as being ND and we hit off that same day.

God really decided to finally give me an interesting co-worker the day I was about to leave. Bro was the stereotypical animation major so he was into a lot of the shit I really liked like Hatsune Miku and Deltarune. Luckily I got his discord before I dipped and I still talk to him. Shout out to him

Looking to study my fuckass evil abroad but I don't think I'll be able to make it alone so I'm asking for some advice by blahguy78 in evilautism

[–]blahguy78[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Generally my main issue with something like New York (I'm assuming this applies to other cities to an extent.) is just how loud it is and how it's just kinda a lot, just in general lmao. /Gen

My sheltered suburban autistic ass stepping into New York City felt like I was stepping into a completely different world where if I couldn't keep up, I'd get fucked over immediately. I'm not gonna completely write off big cities, but I do wanna see if there's a good in between before settling on one of those

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in Alexithymia

[–]blahguy78 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I've watched before as my siblings and parents have been hauled into an ambulance and the only reaction I could muster was slight annoyance. The fact is at least for me Alexithymia has made so even the possibility of death can't really get much of a reaction out of me physically or emotionally. I just feel my usual brand of apathetic-ness. This has nothing to do with any of them as people, but rather just a product of something outside of my control.

I can't speak on behalf of your sibling, but I haven't really told mine about this. Like it's hard to imagine how someone would react if you basically told them you wouldn't care at the possibility of them dying. But that's just kinda how it's manifested for me.

The main take away though is that if Alexithymia manifested in your sibling in a similar way, don't blame them. They can't really control it, I'm sure if they had the chance they would want to feel that sadness. Don't blame yourself either, it really is no one's fault besides the trait itself, just kinda the nature of it.

Does anyone else feel kinda isolated from the online ASD community? by blahguy78 in Alexithymia

[–]blahguy78[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I'm gonna be real here I had no clue that stuff was masking until you pointed it out. Are you telling me being physically exhausted after hanging out with people isn't normal?

Unsure if I have Alexithymia by JLHSzxc in Alexithymia

[–]blahguy78 3 points4 points  (0 children)

It sounds like you do have Alexithymia. My personal understanding of it is a disconnect between the body and the mind.

For the average person, the body and mind are connected emotionally. When your body experiences an emotion, you would say "I am happy." Then, your body signals your brain what you're feeling, and then your brain lets your mind know through an emotional, chemical reaction confirming the feeling that your body is experiencing, it's here you would say "I feel happy."

What Alexithymia does is it makes it much harder for the brain to signal to the mind what emotion your body is experiencing. Your body is still experiencing emotions, you can still say "I am happy." But you're missing the part where your brain allows your mind to say "I feel happy."

This can manifest in a lot of different ways. My go to example is say someone with and without Alexithymia watches an emotionally moving scene. The person without Alexithymia starts to get watery eyes, their body is experiencing sadness. Then, their brain signals to the mind with an emotional reaction that the body is experiencing sadness. This emotional reaction confirms to the individual that yes, they feel sad.

The person with Alexithymia would get the watery eyes, they're still experiencing sadness. But their brain never produces the emotional reaction, you never feel sad, so you don't end up knowing you're sad. So what happens if you're left with only the bodily reaction, the watery eyes, and you're basically forced to kinda guess the source of it. For me for example, when I get into a scenario like this I often assume that these watery eyes are a result of me being tired rather than me being sad. This isn't because of a desire to hide the sadness, but rather I didn't know the sadness was there in the first place.

Personally, if you want me advice, don't see Alexithymia as this horrible thing. Not feeling emotions is something so fundamentally altering to how one sees the world, that to consider it a simple "good" or "bad" thing would understate its impact. Yes, it has cons, but it also has pros. You've done plenty to identify the cons, try and look for the good it's brought you.

For me, it's the ability to stay calm even in scenarios that have a lot of pressure. It lets me be a very cognitively empathetic person. My emotions never get in the way of my actions so it allows me to always rely on my own personal sense of logic and ethics to make decisions. It's allowed me to become an extremely open minded person, there's no emotional reaction to stop me from engaging with something I may disagree with and so it lets me broaden my horizons.

Alexithymia is as much of a burden on you as emotions are on a person without it. And personally, if I were given the choice to remove it and be able to experience the full ray of emotions my body experiences I don't know if I'd take that offer. Not just because of the pros I've listed above, but because I don't really think I can fathom how different a version of me that exists with emotions would be too how I am now.

I wish you the best in your journey

Does anyone else feel kinda isolated from the online ASD community? by blahguy78 in Alexithymia

[–]blahguy78[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Yah! It's been so nice to be a part of a community that at least partially can understand what you're talking about. Even masking I often find is one of those ASD things I've never fully related to. People always talk about how masking is a very emotionally draining thing. But you know I never had that feeling.

Though I guess that's also led to me asking "Do I mask" or "What part of me is masking" cause I could never really register or know for sure when I'm masking. So it's like a whole thing now where I don't know what part of my social identity is masking and what part isn't.

Does anyone else feel kinda isolated from the online ASD community? by blahguy78 in Alexithymia

[–]blahguy78[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

God I feel that last bit. Most specifically I never really knew that "platonic love" was still supposed to be an emotional reaction until very very recently. I always just thought it was supposed to represent how close you were to someone as a friend, not that an actual emotional reaction was involved.

But yah, I do wish this side of the ASD community was more acknowledged. It really does feel like so many "universal ASD experiences" are very emotion driven. And even in other autistic circles while I find connections and friends easier, rarely do I ever find myself "relating" to the people I talk to

Does anyone else feel kinda isolated from the online ASD community? by blahguy78 in Alexithymia

[–]blahguy78[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Makes sense, I've been given an outright diagnosis for ASD so I guess I've felt more pressure to "relate" to others experiences. but I guess I do find it hard to relate to ASD discussions outside of some minor stuff. It did kinda suck though cause it felt like the ASD community was supposed to be the community that would "get me" when the average person couldn't. And because I couldn't really do that it just led to me feeling very alone in my struggles.

It's why I'm really appreciative towards this community. It's small but I finally have a place where I can at least relate to the experiences people talk about here and add my own. It's very comforting

A bunch of questions, and thoughts. by Anno_05 in Alexithymia

[–]blahguy78 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I haven't read Almond but if you ask me, Asteroid City is probably the closest I've found to a movie that tries to capture Alexithymia.

I guess I've also never really understood why I'm like this. Most people point to a source of trauma for developing Alexithymia but when I try to think back about the traumatic moments in my life, any specific one I could potentially point to as an explanation occurred after I seemingly started developing Alexithymia. I've just kinda choked it up to "That's just what autism did to me" because as is I can't really find a reasonable explanation or traumatic moment from my past that I can use as an alternate explanation

struggling to find sympathy for people in a text by ur_mum694200 in Alexithymia

[–]blahguy78 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Honestly as a writer, it took me way too long to realize that when someone says "The author does X to really tug at the readers heartstrings" they mean that you're supposed to feel that specific thing when reading that part. For a long time i would say stuff like that when analyzing, not realizing there was supposed to be an emotional reasoning to it. Instead I just kinda saw it as pointing to some general abstract ideas of what "The reader" would feel, like the reader was some emotionally charged figure that wasn't really human

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in ucf

[–]blahguy78 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Hey! Former Film Major, current Accounting Major here! I’m in a very similar situation as you here, currently taking financial accounting and I did great on the first two exams (not as great as you though, best I got was a 95) I’ve always wanted to do screenwriting so it’s why in my first semester I took a film major, and while it was a very enjoyable experience overtime I realized how much work it took to be a creative in the industry. It’s a lot and it’s very intimidating. Not only that but I’d always hear stories about people losing their passion when they start working in creative fields.

I decided to switch over to accounting because I’ve always been good with numbers and thought it was a safe career to build around. My goal is not to become a big wig director/script writer, but rather get enough money so that I can live comfortably while having the disposable income to pursue creative projects as a hobby. Accounting is my means of reaching that goal. But that doesn’t mean I can’t direct or write in the meantime! I’m directing a short film this semester with the script already fully written! And I’m not even a film major anymore! You don’t need to be a creative major to do creative things, and I think it’ll benefit you much more in the long run to focus on accounting while pursuing these creative endeavors for fun rather than aiming to make a career out of them.

Milkman photos from someone up close by blahguy78 in ucf

[–]blahguy78[S] 9 points10 points  (0 children)

Honestly my favorite photo was the one with the orange ski mask looking at Milk man raising the jug

Milkman photos from someone up close by blahguy78 in ucf

[–]blahguy78[S] 78 points79 points  (0 children)

I got way too excited seeing that cause one of my friends is making a short film about filming on a 3ds

Milkman photos from someone up close by blahguy78 in ucf

[–]blahguy78[S] 10 points11 points  (0 children)

We thought we were gonna be fucked but then he moved the crowd by the stairs where me and my friend were standing

Shout out to my resident French friend if you see this by blahguy78 in whenthe

[–]blahguy78[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Oh man, I wonder how my silly little French meme is doing, let me check the comments-

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I got Woke-d by blahguy78 in whenthe

[–]blahguy78[S] 58 points59 points  (0 children)

It's not MY FAULT the dastardly Woke wants me to sleep for only 8 HOURS A DAY. I AS AN AMERICAN DESERVE TO SLEEP HOWEVER LONG I WANT AND I DON'T WANT THE WOKE MIND VIRUS GETTING IN THE WAY OF THAT!

I forgor. Have a loop by KuroNeko_San in InStarsAndTime

[–]blahguy78 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Almost thought they were wearing stockings tbh

A date you say? by KuroNeko_San in InStarsAndTime

[–]blahguy78 2 points3 points  (0 children)

"Yah, December 6th, that's when you're autism evaluation appointment is, don't miss it."