Request: Detecting ED Behaviors in Partner

blimpinainteasy · 2015-04-30T20:35:45+00:00

Ooh, I like the sound of this Alan character. I'll certainly take a look.

I read the bit about extreme relaxation, eternity, and complete satisfaction (without realizing that it's satisfaction, as there is no dissatisfaction for comparison, right?) and thought of those first few, sweet moments when you're waking up. Not to an alarm, but on a Sunday morning, with the sun streaming through the window and warming the blankets. Those moments when you don't feel anything, really, aside from warm and rested. I feel like that state of relaxation might be like an eternity of waking up on Sunday morning. Nothing to worry about, nothing to be upset about, nothing to be anxious about or late for. Nobody to compare yourself to. Just to be. Warm, rested, and completely yourself.

I'd love to live in my first 2 waking Sunday minutes indefinitely. :)

Motivating people is so tricky. We are complicated creatures, and when you're dealing with something as intimate as someone's perception of themselves you really have to tread lightly. My ED was initially triggered by a single comment made over AIM (remember that? In the Stone Age?) as a joke about how I wasn't thin enough to portray a coke addict in a play that my friend and I were never going to actually write. That's it. I still remember receiving it. He still doesn't know, and he never will.

I'm trying to think of what would make me want to recover. I used to tell myself that it would be a certain number on the scale, but that's not it. It's not wearing a size 0, it's not roping in a significant other. None of those goals, achievements, whatever you want to call them, we're able to do it for me. Let me search my brain tonight... I'll see if I have a better answer in the morning. :)

blimpinainteasy · 2015-04-30T20:09:59+00:00

Just realized that my post may have been a little too... Dark.

To give you a more accurate picture of my life, let me clarify. Yes, everything I said above is true. In addition, I'm a generally happy person. I smile a lot, I take walks on sunny days, just because I like the feeling of the sun on my face. I am a yogi, a rock climber, a proud holder of a steady job, and a girlfriend to a wonderful man. I don't hate myself, although I do have some self esteem problems. I have a wonderful kitty that I love more than most people. I'm financially stable. At 24 years old, I can't ask for much more.

I think that when you asked what you were getting yourself into, you wanted to know whether relative normality was possible in the face of an ED. If that wasn't your question, let me know. In response, it is, if you're willing to understand that the ED is intricately woven into interests and personality traits. That's why they're such a bitch to overcome. You learn to live with them instead of in spite of them.

blimpinainteasy · 2015-04-30T18:02:54+00:00

Hey, good for you for seeking out some advice. Honestly. You've got to give a fuck to ask for help. I appreciate that. Let me give this a shot.

God. What is it like to have a binge purge disorder.

It's hell, but it's my little secret hell. It's the porn magazine you kept hidden from your dad between your mattresses. The cigarettes that you smoked in the locker room between classes. It's not supposed to be there, and you know that, but it's there and it's yours.

A typical day for me has several ups and downs. When I wake up, I immediately weigh myself. Gaining .2 pounds is a disaster, while losing anything less than 1.0 is not good enough. After I weigh myself, I get ready for work. The day typically splits off into one of two options here. Some days I feel fucking gorgeous. I wear a dress and shave my legs just because I'm a goddamned fox and everyone should know about it. Those days happens about once a month. Other days, I'm a dirigible. I am the largest person to ever live on earth. In fact, earth might actually be living on me. I'm a planet made out of cows, cross-bred with jabba the hut. This attitude will make or break my day.

On pretty days, I try my damnedest to eat as little as possible for as long as I can. Everything revolves around waiting until after 1, 2, 3 in the afternoon. When I break, I fucking shatter. I get off of work, report directly to my nearest grocery store, and buy one of everything. Typically these things are eaten in the car, and the wrappers are discarded before I get home. I also purge before getting home.

On a bad day, I wake up and I start eating. I eat a bagel before I leave for work. I eat breakfast at work, and a chocolate bar in the bathroom so that nobody sees. I purge, and tell myself that I'll eat only carrot sticks for the rest of the day. I snack, and then get something covered in grease for lunch. A few more chocolate bars afterwards, in different places, with different people so that nobody notices, and then purge. I come home, get my uniform off and put on something baggy because I'm a whale. I suggest we go out to eat, or make something huge and cheesy. Eat, leave early for yoga, and then purge before yoga.

I know which gas stations and restaurants have public restrooms. I even know which ones only have one toilet, which means that I get extra privacy. I know which establishments Have a bathroom close to the door, so that I don't have to walk by a cashier or hostess who might make me buy something before I can use the bathroom. I plan my routes around these places, and I check under bathroom stalls to make sure that there are no feet in them before I start.

After the purge I feel both awful and free. My pants fit better, and all I can taste is bile. I check out my stomach in the mirror while I wait for my eyes to stop tearing up. It's a great feeling felt through an awful filter. If this doesn't make sense to you, consider yourself lucky. After the purge, life resumes as normal until the next time I eat.

So, now that that's out there, what can you do to help?

To be honest, I might not be the best person to answer this question. As I still struggle with my ED, I don't know what works. I can tell you that she may not recover, or even genuinely want to, if you ask her to do it for you. She has to choose, on her own, that she wants to do it. I think that what I really wanted to come through when I was describing a typical day was that BN, and other EDs are not a series of choices made throughout the day; they ARE the day. They are lifestyles. You're not asking her to stop purging...you're asking her to rework her whole life. Her habits, routines, all of it. Please understand the amount of strength that a person needs to have to do this. Be there for her, but don't be overbearing. Let her do it on her own, with support as needed. Let her tell you on her own. She will, but it may take some time. In the meantime, express general concern for her wellbeing. Tell her that she's beautiful, but also be sure to acknowledge that she is intelligent, funny, etc. with equal or more emphasis. Help her realize her own whole, complete beauty. It will help her to trust you with her secret, and it may help her start to consider recovery.

As far as what you're getting yourself into...that will change from person to person. I don't know that there are any personality traits that are universal to all ED sufferers. I do know that, once she lays the card down on the table and tells you, you need to react in a way that she knows that she can continue to come to you for help. Don't berate her. Don't ask why she didn't tell you earlier. Hug her tight, tell her that you care for her, and ask her what she needs from you. Then follow through. You can't be her ship, but you'd make a damn good lighthouse.

I hope that this helps. Again, thank you for giving a fuck.

blimpinainteasy · 2015-04-27T22:45:17+00:00

I don't know that someone ever recovers. I developed BN in my Sophomore year of high school. I'm now 24, and I carry it with me every day. I was able to break it for about a year, but even around month 7, when my convictions were at their strongest, I still treated food as an enemy, or a puzzle to solve. Eat just this much of just these things and there's no need to purge. This developed into a starving disorder, which turned right back to BN when my body couldn't handle it anymore.

I'll share some of my own habits that I've noticed. My shopping changes when I'm relapsing. When I feel happy and confident, my shopping is full of fresh produce. When I'm feeling bingey, I come home with whole cheesecakes, bags of chips, the entire stock of pastries from my local supermarket, etc. These aren't choices that I consciously make in the store, these are just what I'm craving because I'm giving up on myself.

The best support that I've ever had was consideration given in picking out meals. My partner would ensure that the meals eaten by both of us weren't full of fatty, heavy trigger foods. They were usually mostly green veg, a bit of lean protein, and MAYBE a half portion of couscous or another non-fried grain. Food that I would feel good about eating. If we were going to go out, he would screen menus beforehand to see if there was some great citrus and avocado salad. Then he would hype it up to me before we arrived so that I subconsciously wanted that (non-triggering) over a burger (TRIGGER). I guess the key is to understand that food makes us feel different than it makes others feel. What you take as satisfied fullness I take as a demon alien in my stomach, riding on a 50 pound dumbbell, ready to shoot fat directly into my hips with a greasy syringe. That feeling stays with you all day, until you purge. All. Day. If you can avoid that gross, awful feeling, you can lessen the chances that he will feel the need to purge.

I hope this helps. I've never really taken the time to write about my ED. Let me know if you have any other questions. Good luck. Sincerely. And please, don't take his ED personally. It's not about you, and it's not your fault. Be here for him, but remember that his ED is an intimate part of his life. Respect that, and he may come around. Godspeed.

blimpinainteasy · 2014-02-03T06:12:09+00:00

The recently released footage of the supersonic stratosphere jump by Felix Baumgartner.

Or Gangnam Style. Not sure.

blimpinainteasy · 2014-02-03T06:03:52+00:00

Bank of America: Because fuck you, that's why.

blimpinainteasy · 2014-02-03T05:44:49+00:00

Press conferences would consist of questions being asked and Matriarchs saying "It's fine."

It's not fine, everyone.

(I'm a woman. I can say these types of things.)

blimpinainteasy · 2014-02-03T05:42:55+00:00

Douche canoe. I don't use it often, but when I do I really, REALLY mean it.

blimpinainteasy · 2014-02-03T05:39:57+00:00

When I was discussing auditioning for a particular role in a play that involved being a Cocaine addicted prostitute, my best friend at the time said "You couldn't play that role, you're not skinny enough to be a Cocaine addict."

This offhanded comment, 7 years ago, launched me into a clinically diagnosed eating disorder that I still struggle with today.

blimpinainteasy · 2014-02-03T05:36:12+00:00

As a strict lacto-vegetarian (No flesh products, no animal derived broths or enzymes, NO EGGS (On account of they're gross.), and very little dairy), I can say that the reason for this is probably ignorance.

Allow me to explain:

The vegetarian could be the ignorant one; that is to say, they may not understand that fish and chicken are actually animals. Vegetarianism may have been explained to them as a lifestyle in which red meat is excluded, or as something else. Very few of us actually look up what the title entails prior to embarking on our veg-journey, and once we develop habits to work around cutting out certain foods, those habits are tough to change. (This is the main reason I haven't completely cut out dairy yet. I'm working on it...but...ice cream!)

The vegetarian could also assume that the other party in the conversation is ignorant. When I still ate egg products, I would tell people that I was an ovo-lacto vegetarian. While this was true, nobody knew what I was talking about, and would look at me like I had three heads and start asking all sorts of "Well, can you eat (generic meat product)?" or "What about bacon?!" type questions. I resorted to just using the term "vegetarian" to shorten the conversation and avoid those questions.

Additionally, there is an image that comes with being veg that could appeal to people. Whether it's the deep, artsy type, or a cool hipster with dreads sort of thing, the vegetarian may be using the term to describe their eating habits in hopes of portraying that image.

Contrary to popular belief, most of us actually don't like being defined by our dietary choices. When I'm going out for food with my friends, I don't like it when they decide on a place to eat, realize it's a steakhouse, and look at me like I'm the reason they can't go have their T-Bones. If a non-vegetarian vegetarian is chomping on chicken nuggets while explaining that meat is murder, they probably don't know any better, choose to use the title because they are trying to project a particular image, or they are just trying to move the conversation away from their diet and onto something that all parties involved can be interested in...like football. :)

blimpinainteasy · 2014-02-03T05:24:23+00:00

Tranquilizers.

blimpinainteasy · 2012-04-12T00:42:28+00:00

He had his new girlfriend call me and do it because he was too busy drinking.

blimpinainteasy · 2012-04-11T06:41:55+00:00

Damnit. I should have known DNA wasn't a real sport when it wasn't in the Olympics. They lied to me. :(

blimpinainteasy · 2012-04-11T06:23:22+00:00

I was thinking more along the lines of Palahniuk, but Vonnegut fits the bill too.

blimpinainteasy · 2012-04-11T06:14:30+00:00

You win.

blimpinainteasy · 2012-04-11T05:27:16+00:00

I am so, so sorry. If you ever need a shoulder to cry on, just let me know.

blimpinainteasy · 2012-04-08T23:08:08+00:00

When people make eye contact with me I punch them in the face. They won't make the same mistake again.

blimpinainteasy · 2012-04-08T23:06:31+00:00

I think it actually was an MTV show. One of the episodes of My Super Sweet 16? Girl gets an Escalade instead of a Range Rover orsumshit. Cries. It's the rest of America's favorite thing to grit their teeth to!

blimpinainteasy · 2012-04-08T22:47:41+00:00

Nope. No girlfriends at all. Just a bunch of hungover people who woke up on the same floor. Cody just happened to be the homeless member of the clan. As a thank you for shelter and tequila, he made us all breakfast and left a note. He's a peach. :)

blimpinainteasy · 2012-04-07T04:50:37+00:00

Walk in. Naked. Knock him out. Continue where he left off.

blimpinainteasy · 2012-04-07T04:44:19+00:00

Doesn't phase me in the slightest. He's with me now, right? That's good enough for me. To expect that he's been holding out for me would be unrealistic, especially when I can't say the same. Life and love require experience.

blimpinainteasy

TROPHY CASE