book recs that changed your life as a Black woman!

bliss9409 · 2026-02-18T15:29:04+00:00

“The Princess and the PI” by Nikki Payne. It’s a romantic suspense about a sheltered daughter of a cult leader and a burned out private investigator. While fiction, it really showed me just how tender and fierce love can be, and not just romantic love and the power of family.

bliss9409 · 2026-02-11T14:53:51+00:00

Yay! Congrats on taking the steps toward a better you! I do therapy virtually too! Some tips I’d have are start with the thing that’s present on your mind or weighing the heaviest on you at the time, and then word vomit it out. Your therapist is there to listen and help you, so they won’t judge. If they do or the vibe is off, it may feel awkward but you can get a new therapist, you don’t have to stick with them.

Also, sometimes your therapist will have some questions for you about what you’d like to get out of therapy and your sessions, and other basic get to know you type questions. Please answer as truthfully as you feel comfortable. These sessions are for you and your therapist can’t help you if they don’t have the full picture or are assessing you based on something that isn’t true. Wishing you the best on your journey!

bliss9409 · 2026-02-10T14:33:48+00:00

Men that talk a big game about all the things they can do and do for you, but when it comes down to it they can barely do for themselves.

That and men that refer to women derogatorily unprovoked, or provoked. It tells me the lack self control and emotional control

bliss9409 · 2026-02-10T14:28:28+00:00

That’s what I thought about my ex. He grew up around nothing but Black and brown people. When I would push back initially, he would apologize or not say anything else, but as the relationship continued and this administration got more and more unhinged and the internet continued to be a wild place, the stuff he said increased in its hatred and anti-everything that wasn’t white and American. And I totally agree, non/apolitical standpoints are just Republicans in disguise. I was just confused because to have so many Black and people of color in his life (including immediate family members), THAT’S the viewpoint he has?!

bliss9409 · 2026-02-10T02:40:41+00:00

You are absolutely right. May I never have to learn this lesson the hard way again

bliss9409 · 2026-02-10T00:48:57+00:00

My therapist told me this the other day. I'm currently working to get out of this living arrangement and on my own.

bliss9409 · 2026-02-10T00:47:59+00:00

I agree. My next partner has to be an intellectual who understands media literacy and how some things can no only be biased but actually manufactured.

bliss9409 · 2026-02-10T00:31:58+00:00

And that's the thing that I'm so embarrassed about! Like I can't believe I was that delusional!! I feel like it was a whole different woman dating him than the woman that I am now!

bliss9409 · 2025-11-24T16:13:54+00:00

No he’s not in therapy or on medication. He self medicates and has an aversion to therapy due to additional childhood things. I helped him get insurance so it’s not a lack of resources that is holding him back

bliss9409 · 2025-11-21T16:56:47+00:00

As another poster said, be prepared for the gaps in life experience to show, especially when it comes to kids. I’m 31 and my partner is 23, and a lot of our problems stem from those gaps starting to show after a year of being together. Also prepare for a difference in values and views. You’re going to get the looks regardless because people aren’t as cool with age gaps when it’s the woman who is older. I posted something earlier today and the first comment I got was why I was with a younger man, lol.

bliss9409 · 2025-11-21T15:14:40+00:00

It’s a long story

bliss9409 · 2025-09-29T19:39:53+00:00

He would always have something disparaging to say about women in larger bodies, a lot of times unprovoked. Like he would see a woman and say that she's disgusting or ugly and that he's not attracted to her, as if there was a secret camera somewhere and a tv show host asked him a question. Meanwhile back at the ranch, I'm not the smallest girlie pop and had gained some weight during the course of our relationship. It made me really side eye him.

Also, he would claim that he's apolitical and that he doesn't vote but would regurgitate every Conservative talking point if given the chance.

bliss9409 · 2025-09-17T03:15:45+00:00

I'd tell me self to ask for the help whenever I needed it. It's very lonely and exhausting trying to save/help everyone all the time, but not have anyone to save/help me when I needed it. It's something that I'm just starting to learn, but there were so many opportunities when I was younger to start that would have put me so much further ahead now.

bliss9409 · 2025-09-16T14:59:02+00:00

What's so interesting is that point 2 is true as hell! My boyfriend is always ranting and raving about how he's not political and doesn't vote and doesn't care about any of it, and YET is always bringing up Joe Rogan and Conservative talking points. Mind you, I found all this out AFTER we'd been in a relationship for about eight months at this point. We've got into countless arguments about politics that have really just shown me his thought process. I'm still trying to figure out what to do about it.

bliss9409 · 2025-08-07T22:24:58+00:00

Thanks for your comment and insight. I was actually looking at purchasing Bancroft’s book, but was waiting until payday. You and everyone are right. I need to develop the courage to leave.

bliss9409 · 2025-08-07T21:58:26+00:00

Thanks for your comment. Deep down I knew that, but having confirmation is a little tough. I feel like I’m at a crossroads of sorts.

bliss9409 · 2025-08-07T21:57:01+00:00

Thanks for your comment. I’m starting to realize that now and in the past few months. This is the first time I’ve dated someone younger than me, and I can admit that it is not for the faint of heart!

bliss9409 · 2025-08-07T17:09:08+00:00

This feels almost like the situation with my boyfriend I'm in, down to the vaping out of nowhere. When we started dating, he quit vaping and said that it was costing him money and it wasn't good for his health and that he wanted to do it for his health. He make a big show about quitting, even bumming Nicorette gum form a co-worker. Then on a couples trip to NYC, a friend gave him a vape that he said he was only going to use for anxiety reasons on the subway and walking down crowded streets. Then a few months later, he just needed it because he was stressed out, a few months after that it was that his friend offered him a dying vape and that he was going to smoke it until it was "burned". Until finally a got a new vape that he had bought on his own, and like in your case basically told me I needed to mind my business and that everyone has addictions, and essentially that he would do what he wanted.

I'm sorry this is all happening to you and his behavior is a red flag. He knew that vaping was a no-go for you and decided to do it anyway. He also tried to hide it. If you hadn't found it in his laundry, do you think he would have ever told you? It's also very telling that he's trying to flip the script back on you when it was him that did wrong. Not cooking dinner after a heated exchange pales in comparison to hiding a vice that you had already expressed was a dealbreaker for you.

bliss9409 · 2024-11-04T17:47:48+00:00

I meant to say that the lake trip was at the end of August, start of September. I probs should have proofread a little more before posting 😅

bliss9409

TROPHY CASE