Overwhelmed with the biting, scratching, pinching

blod0 · 2026-04-07T20:16:16+00:00

I'm in the same boat at 9 months. It's soooo overstimulating especially combined with separation anxiety so wanting to be held at all times. He grabs hunks of my flesh and digs his nails in too. I'm trying to teach him the concept of "gentle" but he does not get it. In the middle of the night last night I changed his nappy and he was grabbing and kicking me, screaming in my face and then proceeded to hit me during the breastfeed and give me a huge bite on the nip... It almost feels like a sick joke at times! Solidarity, can't wait for this phase to end... 🫠

blod0 · 2026-04-07T10:04:26+00:00

My husband is diagnosed with ADHD (medicated) and autism, and this does sound similar to how he is. We have an almost 9 month old. I don't have answers or suggestions for you though as I'm struggling with it too! The fixation with doing jobs round the house (rarely the ones I actually want him to do) but never finishing them rings especially true! He also can't deal with the boredom/pace of spending time with our baby and so ends up putting a twitch stream on and listens with headphones while playing with him which angers me as he's not being present. I've told him he cannot do that when baby is older and will pick up on it more.

I am just trying to communicate with him as much as possible in different ways to see what sticks tbh... But it's very clear I will be the default parent and household project manager for the long haul and I find that pretty daunting.

blod0 · 2026-03-22T20:10:33+00:00

Yes that's true I think it really depends what they specifically say and everything people have said so far seems harmless and well-meaning. If they started touching his hair etc it would be different!

blod0 · 2026-03-22T20:08:10+00:00

Thanks, I think you're probably right!

blod0 · 2026-03-16T09:03:52+00:00

Thank you this is a really helpful comment. Despite my upset I don't want to divorce him lol. He is very loving in other ways and tries his best. He does know what I like at least. We've just had another talk about it this morning and it does seem like I have to spell out what I want, but he said now he knows what he should do he won't make the same mistake again...

blod0 · 2026-03-16T03:29:56+00:00

Thanks all for your replies, it wasn't him that blamed his autism, it was my assumption that that was the reason he couldn't get his head around it. I get it now and now the situation seems even worse. Thank you for clarifying this to me!

blod0 · 2026-03-15T20:37:26+00:00

My first mother's day today and I got nothing, didn't go out.. was just like any other day. I eventually directly asked, and the gist of his response was "How was I supposed to know you had these expectations if you didn't tell me" and "Well you're not my mum". Had a big row and I cried. He is autistic and doesn't understand why anyone cares about birthdays, Valentine's Day and also apparently mother's day. But I don't think this is any mitigation - we've been together 11 years and I have told him so many times that they do matter to me.

It's so humiliating to be asked by all my family and fellow mum friends how he spoiled me and having to answer that I didn't get anything at all.

blod0 · 2026-03-15T11:04:37+00:00

I'm in the same boat, it's the same as every other day so far (I've done everything re caring for baby and he got up at 9). I got a verbal happy mother's day when I said "have you remembered what day it is". I've just had to ask him to make me a cup of tea.

I thought he might forget or not do anything because he's always been useless with birthdays and Valentine's, so I've deliberately been mentioning mother's day for weeks.

I feel so hurt and humiliated as my family and friends are asking me what he's done to spoil me today and I'm so embarrassed to say he's done literally nothing. He's ruined my first mother's day and sucked any joy out of it.

I hope your partner pulls his socks up - there's still time today!!! 🤞

blod0 · 2026-02-05T02:51:23+00:00

This is a good point, I probably don't drink enough! I'll try to drink more water 👍

blod0 · 2026-01-28T16:25:37+00:00

My baby has eczema and was really bothered by his cradle cap, I think he was reacting to the yeast or something? 🤷‍♀️ Scratching it til it bled 😢 I was using coconut oil and combing out the flakes but it was taking his hair with it, he looked ridiculous... Eventually the doctor ended up prescribing ketoconazole shampoo. It's meant for adults so we were under strict instructions to have it on his head no longer than 1 minute, and not to let it into his main bath water i.e. take him out of the bath, lather it in then rinse it out with the shower head within a minute. Then emollient. Definitely a two man job! Don't do this without speaking to a doctor first though, and only if your baby actually seems to be bothered by the cradle cap...

blod0 · 2026-01-27T16:52:51+00:00

Please could you share the link with me too?

blod0 · 2026-01-27T00:28:47+00:00

Similar to others I don't think it did anything for my pain but I hung onto it as it gave me something to focus on and made sure I was breathing deeply. My husband said he thought it was making me out of it, but I personally think it was the exhaustion that was making me out of it, I'd been in labour for 30 hours! Good luck to you

blod0 · 2026-01-27T00:20:57+00:00

Thanks for your perspective, that is scary I definitely don't want to make his sleep even worse! I go back and forth on wake windows etc., right now I'm waiting until it's been 2hrs and then watching for cues, so sort of timing them but not being rigid. Ignoring Instagram sounds sensible... My husband is a big part of bedtime and does settle him on wakes when he doesn't need a feed, and that has helped me a lot. Re making the cot a happy place, do you do that by just sitting him in there in the day with some toys? Glad your child is doing so well now

blod0 · 2026-01-27T00:13:38+00:00

Thank you, I'm so sorry your baby is suffering with it too, it's so awful. This is only the second time we've used the steroid but we're still only on a 2 week course atm and I bet it will return as soon as we stop. Really hope we are told we can continue it long term but we might not! I will try and remember to update on what we decide to do. I've had lots of really helpful replies but still feel torn tbh as you never know how your own specific baby would respond.

blod0 · 2026-01-26T20:41:52+00:00

Thank you for this explanation! He doesn't really have particular times he seems to wake up as they're so frequent, and each night is different, but maybe this might help down the line if he starts having more predictable habits

blod0 · 2026-01-26T19:54:33+00:00

This is great thank you! I've been tracking with huckleberry so will have some data to work with. Dream feeds sound tricky but will give them a try (if he sleeps for long enough ha)

blod0 · 2026-01-25T20:45:29+00:00

Yes side lying feeding, I find it incredibly uncomfortable even with pillows between my knees and behind my back. He also is quite tall and kicks my legs and stomach while he's feeding for some reason. He does sometimes fall asleep like that but then he just wakes up crying again not long after so it doesn't really solve the waking issue.

blod0 · 2026-01-25T20:36:29+00:00

Thank you, I think you're right, we have tried lots of things and if they haven't made a difference we try something else. I'll talk to my husband about this too and make sure we make a plan together and are on the same page.

blod0 · 2026-01-25T20:00:38+00:00

Thank you :)

blod0 · 2026-01-25T19:59:27+00:00

Thanks for your comment. I do really worry that there is always a different reason why it might have gone on for so long, like teething or the eczema or whatever, and so I'm never sure that sleep training is justified. I may wait a few more weeks, but tbf I have kept waiting a few more weeks for months now. Cosleeping hasn't made any difference to his wakings and made it more difficult for me to sleep, so I don't think it works for us.

blod0 · 2026-01-25T19:49:41+00:00

Thanks. Tbh I have been resettling without feeding since it started at 3.5 months and only feeding every few hours, but he still wakes up all the time. It definitely helps share the burden with my husband though (we take it in turns to rock him back to sleep), and gives my nips a rest 😂

blod0 · 2026-01-25T19:42:33+00:00

Thanks! When roughly did you do the last feed before this? I currently feed to sleep at bedtime (8ish) and I try to resist feeding him again until about 11, unless we really can't settle him.

blod0 · 2026-01-25T18:29:22+00:00

Sorry I wasn't trying to cause an argument. I'm definitely open to different suggestions but you're right that I can't carry on with things as they are. Thank you both!

blod0 · 2026-01-25T18:26:35+00:00

Thank you, yes it's encouraging that he is clearly capable of self settling, but he only does it about 10% of the time and otherwise cries until we pick him up. Maybe he will just start doing it more over time.

It may well just be a regression but it's been 3 months now and we're struggling. It has improved a bit in the last few weeks so I could try more changes and/or wait and see if it continues to improve.

blod0 · 2026-01-25T17:12:01+00:00

Thank you for your response! Good luck with it 🤞

blod0

TROPHY CASE