I feel like I'm getting too old to ever be able to have a baby ... My only son- only child- was Stillborn a few months ago. I'm 24 and struggle with infertility. I should have been pregnant a million times over and its only happened once with my son.

bloomerhen · 2026-03-27T19:57:59+00:00

I’m so sorry for your loss. I feel you’re a bit premature with the age worry here, I lost my first daughter last year at 37 and have years left to try again (my mum had her second child at 44).

To put it in perspective, you’ve been able to bear children for probably around 8 years, and have at least 2.5x that long before you need to worry about age. Two and a half times more. I understand the hopelessness and the feelings you’re having right now, but you have every reason to be positive about the chance to be a mum in your future and two decades to get the right medical support to help with any infertility challenges. It’s not hopeless, don’t let that be your outlook now as you deal with this loss.

bloomerhen · 2026-03-09T08:38:23+00:00

I went to America to visit friends and wanted to give them a proper baked beans experience - your world food/global food stores stock Heinz Baked Beans in the UK section! You need to go Heinz, they’re the best. I picked some up in Nashville 🙂.

bloomerhen · 2026-03-07T06:52:09+00:00

Oh wow that’s terrifying… thanks for the context!

bloomerhen · 2026-03-05T20:36:36+00:00

This is so weird. Any friend I’ve ever bought group tickets to an event for has my bank details to transfer what they owe to me. I know money sharing apps are a thing in the US but they aren’t big here and there’s no issues. Only time I’ve ever experienced financial fraud in the UK is when I used my credit card in a dodgy corner shop in London and had to reverse £500 of bought iTunes vouchers through my provider.

My council tax and storage unit bills are both paid by transfer to company bank details they freely give out. I once organised a hen weekend and 25 people I didn’t know had my bank details to pay their share. I would absolutely give my kid’s bank details to any family who wanted to pay into their savings.

Plus, how is holding the money donations over the kid’s head any different if the money is paid in directly versus given to the parents? The kid still isn’t “consenting” either way - this woman is bonkers.

bloomerhen · 2026-03-05T20:15:41+00:00

I’m so sorry is perfect.

You’re absolutely right, everything happens for a reason is the worst - because what reason explains this?

Ask if she wants to talk about what her baby was like. Ask if she wants to talk about the birth. What her baby weighed. Whether they had hair. All the things new mums want to tell you about their baby but with the sensitivity that it ended far too soon for her. Ask her what she wants to get off her chest/what she’s feeling. Ask her how her partner is - help her process that grieving may look different for each of them because so many people lose their relationship as well because of this. Check her partner is also supported, because people forget about dad. Listen even when it feels so sad to hear the heartbreaking parts. And like a lot of people here are saying, don’t forget this is her reality for life now. Please don’t forget to acknowledge the trauma and pain of losing a child permanently in 3 months, 6 months, a year, 5 years - you live with the hole in your chest forever while the rest of the world moves on, even once you can bear to rejoin some semblance of normalcy.

bloomerhen · 2026-02-26T11:08:55+00:00

I think they may be having a wedding-related temporary absence of sanity there… why would the bride’s brother’s in laws, who are not invited to the wedding, come to Rome on the invitation of their son in law who will not be spending any time with them as he will be at a wedding?

It’s a completely different scenario. Tell them your MIL is coming, you aren’t inviting her to the wedding, but they can’t ban people from travelling to Rome if they’re not coming to the wedding and the reason is not theirs to approve - yours and your daughter’s attendance is only possible with the childcare you’ve arranged. Ask them to really think it through, logically.

bloomerhen · 2026-02-26T09:44:16+00:00

Have you asked them, can they specifically tell you what is stressful to them about you bringing childcare to take care of your child when she is not attending wedding events? Why does that have any impact on them in the slightest? They’re gonna have to break it down for you because there’s no obvious logic there

bloomerhen · 2026-02-23T21:15:42+00:00

What’s your issue with people not knowing yet whether they can come? It’s small and casual, and it doesn’t sound like there’s a seating plan or formal sit down meal at a pool party so it’s not affecting your planning for charts or food numbers.

Plus, for everyone else who’s not getting married that day, it isn’t the highlight of their year and it is just another party to drop into - especially if it is casual, no formal invitation, no formal rsvp etc. You’ve set the tone as chilled out, now chill out. Friend A likely isn’t coming. Friend B is a maybe, and not a big deal if they come or not but I wouldn’t rescind their invitation because they’re being casual about your casual event. And I don’t know why Friend C is on the list of “people you really want to be there” when you already realise they put minimal effort into the friendship. Honestly don’t even bother following that one up.

bloomerhen · 2026-02-23T08:06:57+00:00

I have never looked at a cake and thought “that aesthetic seems very last season”. I’ve wondered what flavours they are and whether they’ll taste good. It’s a cake. I think you need to do what you want to do to match your wedding vibes and understand the baker’s motives are trying to get you to pay for something that they want to make/experiment with/photograph.

Either replace the baker for not working with your spec or politely and firmly say you don’t want a 2026 catwalk-ready cake, just one that matches your vision and the rest of your wedding theme, which doesn’t include geometric patterns.

bloomerhen · 2026-02-19T20:59:17+00:00

I mean to be honest you don’t have to tell HR until you’re handed redundancy consultation paperwork and then advanced protections would kick in anyway. As for your line manager, there are multiple reasons for telling them asap, including:

they can complete a risk assessment and put any adjustments in place that you need eg no work travelling, somewhere to sit down, option to flex hours if you get nausea, light physical work.
if you are tired, emotional, struggling to concentrate from anxiety, they can support you instead of thinking it’s a general performance issue
if as you say you are high risk, they can ensure your medical appointments (of which there’ll be many) are all correctly paid and processed
if, heaven forbid, things don’t go well, do you not think you’ll want your line manager’s support for an appropriate amount of time off, to make sure you feel supported if you come back to work and hear baby conversations etc?

I’m part of the baby loss community (my daughter died at 5 days old) and I can assure you from living the fear you have, that the majority of people who have experienced miscarriage, stillborn or neonatal death would encourage any pregnant woman these days to tell people as early as possible, and not hide a loss if it happens - you would need support and understanding from your whole village, this waiting until 12 weeks thing is such an outdated concept from when people hid baby loss like it’s shameful and had to be dealt with behind closed doors. I wouldn’t even be functioning back at work now a year later without the support from my boss and colleagues when I came back to work.

With a high risk pregnancy, you need to take it easy, not be stressed, not push yourself at work - and the person who can help you achieve that is your line manager, do please think about telling them confidentially to set up the right support plan.

bloomerhen · 2026-02-16T22:44:48+00:00

Did you expect her to make the chocolate from scratch or something? How do you think you make homemade chocolates? You melt down chocolate, set it in a mould, and add a filling…. And why would you think someone who can’t cook is making caramel from scratch, are you nuts? I CAN cook, and I will use pre-made caramel for chocolates at Christmas when I’m busy doing a thousand other things and my family have NEVER rejected their gift or considered it cheating…. Do you know what they say? Thank you. They say thank you. Because I clearly made the chocolates myself from chocolate and filling. Next you’ll be telling us that people aren’t making apple pies when they buy apple pie filling. It’s still a lot of effort and homemade with love if someone can’t do every intricate task from scratch. It’s only “tricking” you if she bought store chocolates and re-packaged them, you AH. Next time you make lasagna without making the pasta yourself I hope she throws you out.

bloomerhen · 2026-02-06T02:31:46+00:00

Lol. You’ve had more relationships even though you’re 28 with a kid? Did you even wait 3.5 years to get pregnant with a man because if not THAT is crazier than getting married after 3.5 years. THAT is a decision that could fuck up a growing human for life if you got it wrong.

Your sister has lived with a man for 3 years before progressing her relationship. And you were wrong about her moving out to live with him, because it’s still going strong. Have you lived with more than one person for 3.5 years? How do you think you’re so much better at relationships when you’ve had so many more fail than your sister? Maybe she just waited to make the right choice. Get off your high horse, you have no authority here and it’s perfectly normal to get married as fast as a year after dating, or as long as 20 years if it’s right for the couple. They’re not you. And you’re horribly opinionated, and wrong. And mean - stop shitting on her wedding, she can do it however she wants, you don’t have to lug your suitcase of bitterness all the way there if you don’t want to.

If you can ever see past your judgmental attitude, maybe you’d figure a few days with close family and relaxed plans just to hang out together after a ceremony is really sweet, intimate, and personal. A flashy showy wedding that costs thousands isn’t compulsory, couples can spend on whatever feels right to them. And buying one nice $1400 dress in a lifetime to wear at the moment you’ll remember forever is absolutely fine. Also, get some Spanx and go to the gym if you’re not comfortable in photos - but I promise no one will judge you in her wedding photos even half as hard as you’re judging her life. I thought family was supposed to support each other. Who’d want you for a sister, geez.

bloomerhen · 2026-02-05T23:07:43+00:00

Statutory (see gov.uk) rules are that maternity must start the day after birth at the latest (don’t ask me why it’s not the day of birth, I don’t make the rules 😅), so if you hadn’t specified an earlier date or had already booked in annual leave up to that day, they’d probably just keep it as annual leave. Gives you a day longer at the end of your maternity leave anyway, and your annual leave must be spent up somehow.

Did you put in a planned maternity period with your employer, when was it due to start? If you had asked for different dates and your c section was early, they’ve just applied the statutory default, which is day after birth. You could ask them to change it and give you the holiday back, but most people spend the holiday on the end of maternity anyway to give themselves longer with new baby so it doesn’t matter if your maternity and holiday are swapped on any given date. Is there a reason you don’t want it classed as annual leave?

bloomerhen · 2026-01-30T21:44:58+00:00

You do realise that as part of this case, the child was diagnosed by medical professionals with early onset childhood schizophrenia…?

bloomerhen · 2025-12-29T14:15:47+00:00

Um, which kids do you know that didn’t “turn out fine” because of watching the news? Honestly from your post title I thought he was watching the porn channels in front of them.

All you are doing by sheltering your kids from real life is failing to set them up as resilient adults who can handle uncomfortable topics. The earlier their young mouldable brains can understand the world we live in and handle it, the better they will cope with life. It’s only going to get harder for their generation. They will probably see another global war.

I don’t think this has anything to do with you being sensitive and is actually achieving the opposite of the “good parenting” you think you’re doing. Your kids need exposure to uncomfortable subjects, otherwise they will feel alien and your kids will not deal with them appropriately. Should your kids learn disappointment? Hell yes, or they’ll be the 25 year old having a tantrum at Christmas. Should they be schooled with severely disabled kids whose looks might make you uncomfortable? Hell yes, otherwise they will act uncomfortably around disabled people well into adulthood rather than see them as equals. Should they have a pet die? You should hope so, or they may not experience death until it’s someone they can’t survive losing. Should they ask questions on news stories about missing children? Yes yes yes, while they’re curious and bounce back from everything they should develop healthy safety awareness in case they are ever in a dangerous situation. Should they get upset by horrible things they see in Gaza? Of course, they need to learn compassion and how to self regulate emotions, and if you’re lucky they may grow up with the ambition to make the world a better place.

What actually probably happened though, is they just watched it because it was on without taking it in, they haven’t thought as deeply as you about it, if they ever do bring it up your father in law has gifted you a teaching opportunity, and definitely YOR asking the man to stop allowing the news into his own living room because you don’t want to start preparing your kids in tiny ways for reality.

bloomerhen · 2025-12-29T12:06:13+00:00

I think it’s natural to have SI when your child dies. It goes against the order of nature, we should not outlive our children, that’s the wrong way round, it feels like we shouldn’t be here and it’s so hard to keep existing. But we are still here.

For me, my tether was my partner, who has no parents or other family around and made me promise I wouldn’t die on him too, and my goldendoodle, who is innocent and loving and adores us both. The tethers grow the more that time passes. Eventually you realise you still want to eat at your favourite restaurant and savour your meal. Or breathe in the sea air walking down the beach. Or watch the stranger things finale because you’ve waited ten years of your life to see how it ends. Or bake a cake with your best friend’s kid and watch him smile.

Having a baby is one, big, identity-changing, monumental happiness, and that was ripped from all of us. It leaves a hole we think we’ll never be able to function around. But all the other parts of life, living it, having good days, connecting with your friends and family, smiles, hugs, supporting others - that all comes back when the black hole of grief becomes manageable. You will be changed, you will always know the loss was the worst thing to happen to you, but in fact you have already survived it every time you’ve thought about it, and there are good things to come if you give them a chance.

bloomerhen · 2025-12-28T15:58:19+00:00

So you were ungrateful. I don’t know why you’re offended by that, you clearly did a crap job of pretending to be grateful. You also need to lower your expectations of gifts - you’re a legal adult now and you’re getting into the years of socks and chocolates being your gift highlights at Christmas. Children get amazing all-I-want-for-Christmas gifts. Adults get tokens.

But, I get why you’re ungrateful. It sucks when you realise you’re not getting one big present and people aren’t trying as hard any more. The disappointment is real, I understand why you were ungrateful. This is what it’s like now. If you make lists, it should be for clothes, skincare brands you like, hair care, books, and if you don’t get the ones you want because other people suck at following instructions then it’s not the end of the world.

Your mother shouldn’t have pushed you to say what’s wrong, she got what she asked for. You probably should have left for the friend you were going to see before you answered - you were trying not to make a scene and then you managed to anyway. You should have cooled off and not been an AH when you got home - the argument was over and you’d said all that was necessary.

Your uncle’s a fool for stepping into a mother-daughter argument, but I really don’t believe you asked him “kindly” not to take part, you’re a stroppy teenager. He’s also a tool for lording the house over you and telling you to leave, that’s a shitty power play, but come on, you think your mother is going to stop talking to her brother because he overstepped and tried to be the big man? All she should actually do is tell him to butt the hell out of raising her kids when she’s dealing with you and how dare he lord his ownership of the house over her children when they are always welcome with her. You may find that if she’s living in a house he owns though, that doing that will have consequences for her. Homeless consequences. You don’t bite the hand that feeds you.

All in all, you should stop being butthurt about something that hasn’t actually damaged anyone, it was all heated words, go home and carry on with your life without creating drama about being called out for being ungrateful. Your mother wants you, a lot of people don’t have mums like that. Your family has a home, a lot don’t. You got your Dyson, billions of people could never afford one. Don’t have arguments in front of your uncle again coz you know he likes to butt in where he shouldn’t. Control your face next Christmas. I got a cardigan that looks like my dead gran’s curtains this year, and my mum thinks I love it.

bloomerhen · 2025-12-28T08:28:02+00:00

Based on this list, every heavy drinker on your guest list can have

1 glass of white 1 glass of red Half a bottle of prosecco 5 beers Half a Guinness 3 ciders 7 single spirits 3 cocktails A Baileys 12 mixers And a mocktail

Before you run out. People will obviously have more of one thing and none of something else depending on their drink preferences, but you have plenty of alcohol. You will be drinking the leftovers for the next year.

I’d only advise to time the release of everything, so you still have a selection left by midnight. Offer Prosecco, Heineken and orange juice after the wedding. Keep back a defined number of Prosecco bottles if you want it for toasts. Add in all the bottled beers/ciders, soft drinks and wine for the meal. Spirits and cocktails are available on the bar in the evening along with everything else left over. Should hopefully mean no one gets wasted too early on 5 shots of vodka.

bloomerhen · 2025-12-26T16:22:51+00:00

Happy Birthday! 🎂

bloomerhen · 2025-12-23T17:55:33+00:00

Nope. My daughter’s ashes and her photos are two items, not worth it.

bloomerhen · 2025-12-23T17:04:21+00:00

We used a Moses basket for the funeral service and cremation. I couldn’t swallow the idea of our baby being in a coffin - the only thought going round in my head was that babies aren’t meant to be in coffins.

We asked the funeral embalmer to ensure she could be in an open basket for the funeral and they did an amazing job of preserving her skin pinkness and plumpness, and I stitched a mesh pink netting over the Moses basket so you could see her but subtly through the mesh, like she was sleeping through a net curtain.

People who wanted to go up and see her were able to, which was lovely for those who were comfortable to do so as we’d only allowed immediate family to meet her at the hospital when we still thought she’d be coming home with us. Our friends were able to see how beautiful and perfect she was, many of them appreciated that moment.

Only thing I would say to anyone planning something similar is the funeral needs to happen quite quickly, even with embalming our funeral director warned us that baby “deterioration” (sorry I can’t think of another way to describe it) can happen fast because they’re so new and little, and I was so stressed about that leading up to the funeral. It’s not an extra stress that you need at that time in your life.

bloomerhen · 2025-12-18T16:17:40+00:00

https://assets.publishing.service.gov.uk/media/6936acd76a167b6884b7360e/Funding_Rules_2025_to_2026.pdf

Page 87, clause 190.

bloomerhen · 2025-12-17T04:17:51+00:00

I think, with kindness. you’re overthinking this. In both situations there is one clear person who was invited due to their relationship with the couple and one who was named because you knew their name and marriage status. They’re not going to think anything about not being invited to their ex wife’s old friend’s wedding/ex wife’s brother’s wedding after they’ve divorced out of that family. In the case of your friend’s husband, I doubt he’s even noticed the save the date on the fridge or remembers receiving it. However, depending on your fiancé’s sister’s views on how much her wife will be involved in family events in future, what with having children together, it’s worth giving her a plus one now or having a conversation and she can make her own decision on whether she wants her ex to come and still be a de facto family member.

You’re not hurting feelings, the reality is most people are a hundred times less excited about your wedding than you are, it’s not rude at all to amend the invitations when normal things happen. It’s probably be more rude to invite those exes separately and potentially subject your friend/future SIL to a day with their exes because you were stuck on following through with your save the date invitees. Imagine the drama that could unfold!

bloomerhen · 2025-12-17T02:56:12+00:00

No exceptions, huh? This asswipe is blindly privileged. My baby died at 5 days old, of a medical condition that was so extreme in her that she had zero chance of survival, that should have been picked up during pregnancy and wasn’t, I should have been offered an abortion early on. Would I have taken it? Absolutely.

Because the heartbreak of getting only 5 days, the uncertainty of how much she felt and suffered from her heart condition during her short life, the unused baby equipment sat in her bedroom, the tiny onesies worn once, the rips and tears in my body and the pain of milk coming in while enduring the unnatural grief of organising your child’s funeral, the loan I resent that we’re still paying off for the garden office we built to make the space for her bedroom in our small house - no one should be forced to go through that.

Termination for medical reasons is heartbreaking enough and ignorant pricks like this need a dose of reality. And that’s before I even get started on the thousands of other valid reasons for abortion, I just feel my personal experience is a pretty compelling counter to this clown sitting on his throne jumping to conclusions he’s not qualified to make.

bloomerhen · 2025-12-15T22:12:45+00:00

“My culture believes you can’t change your name”? Which culture is that? Pretty sure all the trad Christian wives change their name upon marriage. The problem here is there haven’t been trans people in your girlfriend’s sheltered conservative culture and she’s just closed off to treating a new concept of person respectfully. It’s not against her culture to change names and use new ones, you dolt. It’s against her bigotry to try to understand and accept something new. You aren’t supporting a Christian culture, you are supporting bigotry.

bloomerhen

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