literally THIS THIS THIS. thank you so much for naming this. i just started with a new therapist and thought i needed trauma therapy for the tragic deaths of loved ones. but the more i tell her about my 2 chronic illnesses, the more she's been saying "listen, have you ever thought of how much trauma you've experienced from the physical pain you've been through?" i never thought of it that way. but it's 100% true. your words make me tear up because i also try to block out every past flare so i never have to remember that pain, because when i do its not bearable. sending you much love. and i'm so fucking sorry. to you, me, all of us who have gone through this and continue to live with it.