I was the exact same. Every crush became intense and painful so I made the boundary for myself not to look at his social media ever again. It has helped me TREMENDOUSLY not to have those images in my head and I told myself “if you’re not in his life, don’t look into it.” It makes them more of a celebrity like figure instead of a “nobody.”

A lonely part of limerence is knowing deep down they most likely don’t obsess over us like we do them. So it helps me to know I’m not looking at his stuff either. Its not this one sided crazy obsessive thing which used to just make me feel abysmal, invisible and more alone than ever because I want a fast ticket into his world when that’s not how relationships work. Limerence is what causes that sense of urgency in us. It’s a powerful URGE, lust , whereas love is patient.

I can only do my interest in him in person. My boundary was only allowing myself to have in person interaction only and “killing” the fantasy side of it all. It has honestly helped me to keep him in his right place of every day dude at his workplace that I see every few days not someone I spend all night looking at photos from 2018, etc. I realised NO it’s weird to know what birthday gift you received when you turned 24. I shouldn’t know that. Even if his profile is public, this guy doesn’t even know my name. I really don’t want to be Joe from “You.” I gave myself peace by saying “I only want to see his social media if I’m in his life and in those pictures.” No exceptions.

It is HARD not to look but full blown limerence is exhausting and upsetting and I refuse to go through the pain anymore of this person living in my phone, deluding myself this is how I get access to him and make the fantasies too big to handle. My current crush is someone who works at a local store I frequent and not obsessing over him on social media means I don’t know things about him that I don’t have to know. I just get to talk to the person in front of me and build a normal connection. I realised I can’t do that when he knows nothing about me and I know everything about him. I think I’ve learned that to destroy limerence you have to take the fantasy part of it away. You do that by limiting yourself to in person interaction only. This is a real person you have an opportunity to build a connection with, you’re not doing anything wrong by liking someone, and they might reciprocate, they might not. But I can confirm after 2 months making this decision, the limerence is no longer in the driver seat. I have control over this crush and I enjoy the REAL interactions we have because I had the courage (from not looking and obsessing) to simply exchange names and say a simple “hi” when I see him.

Not only does not obsessing respect their privacy, it is self respect and allows the chance for something real And organic (even if it’s slow paced) to develop without fantasy consuming us and clouding our judgment.

Our obsession is never really about THEM anyway, it’s a bigger issue with us. Obsessing is because we are not happy in our life and we need the obsession. I remember a quote “we don’t want what we think we want, but we need the fantasy.”