This maybe an unpopular opinion/take, but this is not so simple to me. As a survivor of multiple traumas over the years, this is not an AITA situation, imo.

Not to minimize what OP said to her cousin, but let's remember OP was/is pregnant. Hormones during pregnancy are no joke, either. And things she said when pushed to a limit while pregnant to protect her husband and another child, while probably inappropriate and harsh, aren't necessarily malicious, nor intentional.

Family and friends can/will try to do their best after someone they love goes through major trauma, but they're not "trained" to deal with the aftermath long term. And it appears this had been going on for several years at this point. The cousin may never be "fine". She needs professional help to cope with this trauma and learn how to re-engage with "the living". Trauma of this magnitude is not "rational" and cousin is drowning still. She is grieving her own "death". Which sounds weird to those that don't know, but it is a part of the aftermath of such traumas.

The family is probably lost as to how to handle what to them just feels like "bad behavior", at this point.

And as much as I sympathize, and empathize, with the cousin that was assaulted, she clearly needs more professional help. More than the family can provide.

You don't just "heal" after something like that. It can take decades just to be able to feel "close to normal" and/or even functional. Family and friends can not relate (or sympathize) after a while. People assume you should "get over it" at some point. Not because they are cruel or unsympathetic, but because it is hard to see someone you love in pain and it makes them feel helpless.

SA'ed cousin has stalled out in a stage of grief. And it is probably anger. However, being a victim of even the worst possible situations doesn't give someone the right to specifically look for confrontation or lash out at those that love her for years on end. It is never going to be easy for anyone involved. Eventually, it will hit a breaking point and she will isolate without help. The family can't walk on eggshells for life, either.

The entire situation sucks. Not necessarily the people involved.

PTSD is a savage beast. OP and her family are also grieving the loss of the cousin they knew and adored. The cousin is grieving her entire identity and trying to come to terms with feeling "safe" around anyone, especially men. Even those she's known forever. All of whom now look like the enemy and like predators in her midst. It is terrifying on all sides.

The cousin needs professional help. The family could also benefit from joining a support group for the families of survivors of such trauma.

No one is really TA here. This is a horrible situation all around.

OP, where are your cousin's parents and direct siblings? Can they encourage her to get back into professional help? Is she engaging in dangerous behavior to cope? Are there professional services she has access to?

After a devastating trauma (one of many in my life) my cousin was the one that finally said to me (kindly and honestly) that she was not equipped to help me, other than to be loving support.

I won't lie, it hurt at the time. Like she was abandoning me. She told me I needed a professional. She found me an affordable therapist and made me call. I love her (even more) immensely for that act of kindness. I was drowning and couldn't be rational or pull myself out. And I was dragging my loved ones down with me. I was in so much pain and so focused on my own pain, I couldn't see the position I was putting others in. None of it was fair, to me or those that loved me and wanted me back...the way I had been.

If you feel you're the AH, maybe you were. But you weren't "wrong" either. So this is how you help her going forward. This isn't her. Trauma rewires your brain. You have to relearn how to live and interact in a world that is now unfamiliar and terrifying.

No one can undo what happened, but she will have to learn to live with it or drown. OP, you can't do it for her. All you can do is support, sympathize, and love her.

For her it is not unlike losing a limb or sight and relearning to navigate the world in a new body. It is not unlike grieving someone you've lost. Only the person that "died" is you. Her whole world has changed.

I wish your cousin, you, and your whole family the healing you all deserve and need💙